It didn't take long to reach the Imperial capital of Nara, given our motivations and the noble white horses we rode. We were stopped by a guard just outside of the gates, who asked to see some form of identification. I pulled out the envelope with the Elder's seal on it, and waved it across his vision.
“You don't need to see our identification.” I said.
“I don't need to see your identification.” he said.
“You want to give us directions to the Imperial Palace.”
“The Imperial Palace is down that way, and to the west.”
“We can go about our business.”
“You can go about your business.”
“Move along."
“You may pass.”
We led our horses through the gate, and followed the directions the guard had given us. Aislin turned to me and said “Showoff.”
“You're just jealous that you didn't think of it first.” I said teasingly.
“Damn right I am...”
We rode down the street towards the Imperial Palace. We went in, and asked a courtier how to request an audience. Ten minutes later, I was beginning to regret ever even contemplating following courtly procedure. I was attempting to formulate an excuse for excusing myself, when the large doors in the antechamber opened, and a dignified-looking man strode out, followed by the Empress. I'd not seen her before, but royalty has always strived to look the part, and Empress Gemmei was no exception. She noticed us standing there (we also kind of stood out, but in a different way) and asked who we were. Aislin and I bent down on our knees (royalty is royalty, after all, and blades are just as sharp wherever you go) and introduced ourselves, presenting the Elder's invitation. She motioned for us to follow, and soon we had an audience with the Empress of Japan.
“What is it you seek from the Chrysanthemum Throne?” she asked imperiously.
“We seek information about the energies known as Magic and Force.” I stated formally. “We seek any masters of this knowledge in the land. More than anything else, we seek information about using this information to return to our home.”
“You ask this in exchange for slaying Yamato-no-orochi?” she asked.
“We do.” I affirmed.
“Then it seems I have little choice than to accept.” she said. “There are few who know of the divine powers of Magic and Force, and those of the Imperial line are among them. I am the expert you seek.”
“You know of the Multiverse?” I asked.
“I do.”
“Then I will explain our situation.” I began. “We are from what you would call the future. We were traveling to the Japan of our era, but there was some kind of error. We came to Japan, but in the wrong time. We seek to return to our proper time, but in order to do that, we would need to understand how the error occurred in the first place.”
The Empress sat thoughtfully for a few moments, and then began to speak.
“There have been unusual storms plaguing our outlying farmlands. From the reports I received, they seem to be powered by both Magic and Force, and seem to recur periodically. The period of time between each storm seems to increase with each recurrence. But I digress. That much energy in one area is bound to affect processes using the same energies.”
“These storms are occurring now?” Aislin asked.
“Yes, near the borders.”
“If we were to channel some of the energy of the storms, we might be able to return to our time.” I said.
“If you could mollify the Divine Wrath, we would be thankful.” the Empress said. “The storms are quite destructive.”
“Then our next course is clear.” I said. “Thank you, Empress.”
“Be safe.” she said, rising. “My servant will show you out.”
And on that note, she left.
“Come, I will show you where to go.” the courtier said.
As we were mounting our horses, I had a thought.
“Do you think you could open a dimensional portal with an energy blast?” I asked.
“Well, I don't know.” she said. “You think you can do all that bullshit you just said?”
We shared a brief moment of “...”, and set off for the farms of Nara.
The skies were clear when we arrived at the farm of a man known as Testuo. He showed us around, gave us some food, and expressed his hope that we would succeed. Three hours in, the clouds came. And boy, did they ever. Great, roiling black clouds appeared from what seemed like nowhere, spitting green lightning bolts. We ran out to the field, getting drenched in the process. I begin to concentrate on Kusanagi, focusing my will. The energies began to swirl around us, and they began to dissipate. I heard Aislin gasp, and we looked up. A bolt of green lightning flashed towards us, and we each had time of only one word.
Aislin went with a simple, we're-so-screwed utterance of “Shazbot.”
I remembered that the farmer was bringing out some food, so I ended up shouting “Tetsuooooo!”
Then it kind of went black.
------------------------------------------------
I was surprised to open my eyes, but I did. The sun was high in the sky, and I blinked until my irises adjusted properly. I sat up (I had been lying on the ground), and noted a skyline. Or rather, what had once been a skyline. The ruined husks of a great metropolis surrounded us, echoing eerily with the wind. Aislin was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, one of the ruined skyscrapers caught my notice. It had rather clearly once been the Sears Tower. I laid back down.
“I knew I should have stayed home today...”
Elsewehere, Aislin Avari opened her eyes as well. It was dark, and it took her a while to adapt. She seemed to be in an empty transit station of some sort. No, not just empty. It showed signs of neglect and disrepair that pointed more to 'abandoned'. Experimentally, she yelled “Hello out there!”. No one answered, and she wondered where everyone was. Who wouldn't? She decided to look around, so she picked a direction. Upon reaching the top of an escalator (temporarily stairs, sorry for the inconvenience), she recognized the architecture at last. It was Union Station.
“Well crap.”
In the ruins of the Museum of Science and Industry:
“Beep. Beep beeeeeeep beep."
The machine's incessant beeping woke Richard Gregarus from his reverie. He checked a display, and then double-checked it.
“It can't be...” he said, in fearful awe.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
We Interrupt This Narrative For A Brief Announcement
This just in: expanded information on the back story if our main narrative has just been spotted at http://metaphysicalsupplement.blogspot.com/. We advise caution, as spoilers have been rumored and it may prove a serious risk to your sanity and/or free time.
We now return to your regularly scheduled program.
We now return to your regularly scheduled program.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Chapter 1: Drip
Chapter 1: Drip
David, Deirdre, Aislin, and I sat around a fireplace at the Key of Solomon Agency. I had a mug of chicken broth, the others had hot cocoa. I was never much for cocoa. It was only mid-December, but there was still a festive holiday cheer in the air. The lobby area with the fireplace was done up in reds and greens, with little bells and boughs of holly here and there. The weather in the Midwest is moderately schizophrenic, and this winter's 'cold' was more of a 'vaguely chilly'. It was about 40 degrees out, and it somehow still managed to be chilly. I guess it's psychosomatic. In any case, anyone who lives in the Midwest eventually needs a break from it, which was the current topic of conversation.
“What about Vegas?” David asked. “Great nightlife, awesome accommodations, liberal interpersonal customs.” He put a special lascivious emphasis on that last part, winking at Deirdre.
Before violence could ensue, Aislin cut in. “Wil and I were thinking of Japan, actually. There's all manner of interesting historical sites there.”
David kind of snorted, and I made a face.
“Think what you will, David, but I've always wanted to visit a Shinto shrine. Immerse myself in another culture, one that's almost incomprehensible to me. Feel lost for once in my life.”
“Huh.” he said. “Most people avoid culture shock.”
“Even if that were a valid reason for me to avoid it, it wouldn't be. I love strange experiences.”
“Point.”
“Well, why not do both?” Deirdre suggested. “You two go to merry old Nippon to sample the new pocky flavors, and we can go to Vegas and do Jell-o shots.”
“I'll tell you why bloody not.” David said. “The travel budget won't cover two airfares. Maybe it covers two trips while there, but Japan is a long flight.”
“As if that matters.” I said. “Say, this chicken juice could be warmer.” I teleported to the kitchenette and set the microwave loudly. Then I 'ported back. “Any questions?”
“Yes. Can you get me some more marshmallows?”
“...”
--------------------------------------------------------
“Whelp, we're all packed.” I said. “Ready to go?”
I was giving them a ride to the airport. And by 'ride', I of course mean 'teleport'. We arrived at the mid-sized suburb known as O' Hare a decent half-hour before their flight. We went in, and bade them farewell. “I'll bring back a poker chip from each casino on the strip if you bring back a sample of every flavor of pocky.” he said.
“No deal.” I said. “The number of pocky flavors can only be expressed as a function of infinity.”
“Okay, the five weirdest, then. In your own reckoning.”
“Deal.”
He set off for his flight, arm in arm with Deirdre.
“Oh. My. God.” Aislin said. “Are they skipping?”
“We may need to pick up another jar of sap to replace what they're using up.” I said. “Anyway, we ought to get going too. Two week's paid vacation is ticking by as we speak. Quick checklist. Small, light, yet roomy luggage?”
“Check.”
“Light yet stylish traveling outfit with matching hat?”
“Check.” she said, with a twirl.
“Passport?”
“Boring check.” she said. “Now I'll do you.”
I gave her a sideways look.
“Oh, you know what I mean. Solar powered messenger bag?”
“Check.”
“Light traveling outfit that is nicely coordinated, yet leaves you secure in your masculinity?”
“Vaguely annoyed check.”
“Passport?”
“International check!”
“Then let's go. The vacation clock's a-tickin'!”
I close my eyes and focus on the Shinto shrine I had researched earlier. I began the 'porting process, which takes about 20 seconds mentally, and 5 in transit. In between the '20' and the '5', I noticed that something had gone horribly wrong. What, you didn't think this was a vacation story, did you?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
We tumbled out of whatever space we travel through as a shortcut through normal space, and fell out into a forest. Times Square, one day. I swear it. Whatever transition we used to get there kicked up a lot of wind, and dead plant matter blew all over the place. At least I could walk this time.
“Oof.” I said.
“Don't look now, Toto.” said Aislin. “But we may not be in Kansas anymore.”
“I do wonder where we landed.” I said. “I mean, this is not a Shinto shrine.”
“Well, perhaps we should ask them.” she said, indicating two people hiding rather badly behind a tree.
I pulled out my phrasebook. “Ah, konnichiwa. Watashi no hobākurafuto wa unagi de ippai desu.”
“What is a 'hovercraft', and why would you fill it with eels?” one of them said. The other made as to shush them, and I gave my phrasebook a distasteful look. I was then struck by a thought.
“You speak English?” I asked.
“No, I do not believe so.” the braver of the pair said, pulling off of the other.
“Sure sounded like it.” I said to Aislin.
“Yep.” she said, nodding.
I heard a beeping sound from my wrist, and my watch showed a message on its screen. “I'm quite good with translation.” See, my watch isn't exactly a watch. It's an AI named Puck, which was accidentally fused with my watch some time ago. He had vast knowledge of the multiverse, an unfortunate tendency to pun, and an excellent sense of time.
“You might have mentioned that before.” I admonished annoyedly.
“Yes, I might have.”
I was about to continue, but Aislin nudged me on the arm to get my attention. The two Japanese people were doing an odd combination of bowing and kneeling.
“Um, are you bowing to us?” I asked tentatively.
“It is not every day one meets a god.” the timid one ventured.
“A god!?” I exclaimed. “Oy, oy, oy, what a mess this will be...”
I felt a growing pain behind my eyeballs, and bent down.
“Look, get up. Get up.” I said, trying for a kind tone. “We're not gods. We're people. Just like you. Seriously, don't bow to us. We're no better than you are.”
They stood hesitantly, as if they were expecting this to be a trick of some sort. I held out my hand.
“My name is Wil. Take my hand.”
The bold one took my hand tentatively, and I shook it gently. “What's your name?”
“Osamu.” he said. “This is my wife, Katsumi.”
“Honored.” she said, bowing slightly.
“I'm Aislin.” said Aislin, extending her hand, which Osamu shook, but Katsumi still seemed wary of.
“See? We're practically friends.” I said genially. “Now, I have a question. Where are we?”
“This is the village of Heijō-kyō.” he said. “Well, the outskirts.”
“Ah.” I said. “That information is not as useful as I might have liked. Do either of you have a phone?”
“A phone?” asked Osamu.
“Or a map.” I said. “I just want to get my bearings.”
“The chronicler might have a map.” he said. “Why do you need one?”
“I'm just wondering how far it is to Tokyo.” I said. “I need to contact my friends. Do you have wi-fi?”
“Ahm, Wil..?” Aislin said, directing my attention to the village of Heijō-kyō, some ways away. It consisted of a moderately sized grouping of wooden houses, with various farming implements and livestock visible.
“Ah. That's a 'no' on the wi-fi, then.” I said dumbly.
“Yeah, it's a no.” she said. “Osamu?”
“Yes, Aislin?” he asked.
“Take us to your leader.”
“Yes. Yes, of course. Follow me.” he said, starting off to the village.
Aislin grinned at me. “I've always wanted to say that.”
About half an hour later, we were seated around a short-legged table. Osamu, Aislin, and myself each sat on a side, and the village elder sat on the fourth. Aislin started off the conversation.
“Honored elder.” she began. “We are travelers, but we have gotten lost. We may not be able to get home for some time, and we request to be allowed to remain here for a time.”
“This is a request I cannot grant.” the Elder said. “This village is dangerous, so we cannot allow guests to stay. It would put them in danger.”
“How is this village dangerous?” she asked.
“The demon Yamato-no-orochi preys on our farms, and our people. Many have been slain by his hand. We have no way to fight this scourge.”
“If Yamato-no-orochi were to be defeated, would you grant our request?”
“Yes, if the demon were to be defeated, our lands would be safe, and we would be able to grant hospitality once more.” he said. “But one may as well expect the sun not to rise.”
“I don't know about the sun.” Aislin said. “But if Yamato-no-orochi is killing your people, then we will have to deal with the matter.”
“Deal with the matter? I cannot allow you to face the monster. It would mean your death, and I cannot have you do this for room and board.”
“We do not do this for room or board, but because it is the right thing to do. If you cannot assist us, we accept this.”
“I can see that you will not be dissuaded. If you are determined to attempt this, it would be a disservice to withhold information. Yamato-no-orochi comes every third day, two hours after the dawn. His skin is as the strongest metal, and his teeth are scythes.”
“I thank you for your help.” Aislin said, beginning to rise.
“Wait.” he said. “You should not face this monster unarmed. Osamu is our smith, he will give you what you need.”
“Please come with me.” Osamu said.
“I still would prefer you simply leave.” said the Elder.
A few minutes pass, and we arrive at Osamu's forge.
“The Elder means well.” he says. “But he does not know who you are.”
“We're not gods.” I said.
“Yes, of course.” he said, winking.
“Ugh...”
“Well, gods or no, you can use some decent weaponry.”
“We don't actually need weapons, you know.” Aislin said.
“Yeah, but a decent katana never hurt anyone.” I said.
Aislin gave me a look, and I amended. “Well, no one it wasn't supposed to. If properly used.”
“This is a bow.” Osamu said, cutting in.
“I know it's a bow.” Aislin said. “Got the arrows?”
“Yes, here.” he said. “And of course a go- a good person would know what a bow is.”
“Nice save.” she said. “And I'm sorry for snapping at you.”
“It is nothing.” he said. “And this is for you.”
He handed me a very nicely crafted katana. I don't know anything about katanas, and even I could tell that it was a fantastic katana.
“This is Kusanagi-no-tsurugi.” he said. “It belonged to my father, and his father, and their fathers before them. It is even rumored that it is enchanted.”
“Wait, he gets a magic sword, and I get a plain old bow?” Aislin said indignantly.
“I have no ancestors that were archers.” said Osamu, not quite shrugging. “Perhaps I will encourage my children to take it up.”
“Well, it looks to be a bow of the finest quality in any case.” I hazarded a guess. “When did Orochi last visit?”
A scream sounded from outside, followed by an odd hissing roar.
“About three days ago, I'll bet.” Aislin said. “Come on!”
We hurried out to the outskirts, where the dread Yamato no Orochi was chasing after Katsumi.
“It would be her...” I said, grimacing.
“Charge?” Aislin suggested.
“Yeah, sounds good.” I said, raising Kusanagi.
As we ran towards the monstrous eight headed snake thing, I noticed that Kusanagi almost seemed... well it seemed like it wanted Force. Like it wanted to show me what it could do with it. As if it was a sieve, which would channel Force from me, into itself and things we attacked. So I gave it some Force.
Yamato no Orochi never knew what hit it.
Kusanagi began to glow with a blue fire that seemed to also resemble lightning. I started levitating, flying this way and that, keeping Orochi's heads busy. Aislin seemed to draw inspiration from my technique, as she began charging arrows with magic blasts. I continued to harry it from above, while Aislin kept the heavy artillery coming. After a few minutes, it began to tire, and its reflexes slowed. I was fine, having taken minimal damage. I was close to a metaphorical Limit Break. So in keeping with that metaphor, I flew straight up, raised Kusanagi above my head, and combined kinetic force with essential Force in a deadly final blow. Yamato no Orochi gave a final, terrible howl, and dissolved into a black ichor-like sludge.
The Elder came out a few minutes later, followed by the people of Heijō-kyō.
“You have slain the demon.” he said simply.
“That we have.” I said, equally simply.
“There are no words for what you have done this day. There is nothing that could ever repay this service that you have done for us.” he said, bowing. The others followed suit.
“It was necessary to remove this evil from the world.” I said. “But there is one thing you could do for me.”
“Anything.” he said.
“Never, ever bow down to me again.” I said, offering him a hand to help him up.
He smiled, and took my hand.
A few days later, we were sitting at the Elder's table again.
“I have looked into our records, and have come up empty handed.” he said. “There is no mention of Magic or Force in these lands.”
“That's unfortunate.” I said, thinking.
“However, there is one who may know of things not in our records.” he said. “The Imperial line is entrusted with many secrets, told only to the Emperor, known only by few. I can get you an audience with the Empress, as you are the slayers of Yamato no Orochi. The rest will have to be your doing.”
“The rest?” I asked.
“You know, the part where she tells us closely guarded religious secrets that maybe ten people know.” Aislin clarified.
“Right.”
“It is said that this knowledge is held for a specific purpose.” the Elder said. “After all, why else keep it? Perhaps it is meant for you.”
“Very well then.” I said. “What is the Empress's name?”
“She is Empress Gemmei.” he said. “And she is very busy these days. You should make haste. I have prepared a formal letter of introduction for you. It should get you an audience.”
“You're not coming?” Aislin asked.
“I am an old man.” he said. “And my place is here. Now go. Osamu wished to speak with you before you left, so I left your horses with him.”
“Horses?” I asked.
“Well, unless you know the way to the Imperial Palace well enough to teleport...” Aislin pointed out.
“Point.”
We left, and went to visit Osamu's forge. He was working on a sword of some sort as we walked in, but he paused when he saw us.
“So, you're going off to see the Empress.” he said.
“Yes.” I said. “It's nice here, but it is not our home.”
“Yes, I can understand.” he said, pausing slightly before continuing. “I wish you to carry this with you on your travels.”
He took Kusanagi-no-tsurugi down from a rack on the wall, and handed it to me.
“I can't take this.” I said. “It's your family's legacy.”
“No.” he said. “My family's legacy was keeping it ready for you. My father told me that I would know the one for whom it was meant if we ever met. And I don't believe anyone else could do what you have done with this sword.”
“I suppose that's true.” I said. I took the sword, and said “I commend you on carrying out your duty. Your responsibility is fulfilled.”
“Thank you.” he said. “I'm afraid I could not repair the bow, however.”
“Yes, it kind of melted.” said Aislin. “But it lasted as long as it needed to. A testament to its craftsmanship.”
“Perhaps I will craft a new bow, for shooting fire arrows.” Osamu said.
“If anyone can, I believe you can, Osamu. Live long and prosper.”
“And you as well, Wil-san.”
He led us to two very white horses, and we rode off to the Imperial Palace, to meet with Empress Gemmei of the Chrysanthemum Throne, find a way back to our time, and perhaps get a bite to eat.
David, Deirdre, Aislin, and I sat around a fireplace at the Key of Solomon Agency. I had a mug of chicken broth, the others had hot cocoa. I was never much for cocoa. It was only mid-December, but there was still a festive holiday cheer in the air. The lobby area with the fireplace was done up in reds and greens, with little bells and boughs of holly here and there. The weather in the Midwest is moderately schizophrenic, and this winter's 'cold' was more of a 'vaguely chilly'. It was about 40 degrees out, and it somehow still managed to be chilly. I guess it's psychosomatic. In any case, anyone who lives in the Midwest eventually needs a break from it, which was the current topic of conversation.
“What about Vegas?” David asked. “Great nightlife, awesome accommodations, liberal interpersonal customs.” He put a special lascivious emphasis on that last part, winking at Deirdre.
Before violence could ensue, Aislin cut in. “Wil and I were thinking of Japan, actually. There's all manner of interesting historical sites there.”
David kind of snorted, and I made a face.
“Think what you will, David, but I've always wanted to visit a Shinto shrine. Immerse myself in another culture, one that's almost incomprehensible to me. Feel lost for once in my life.”
“Huh.” he said. “Most people avoid culture shock.”
“Even if that were a valid reason for me to avoid it, it wouldn't be. I love strange experiences.”
“Point.”
“Well, why not do both?” Deirdre suggested. “You two go to merry old Nippon to sample the new pocky flavors, and we can go to Vegas and do Jell-o shots.”
“I'll tell you why bloody not.” David said. “The travel budget won't cover two airfares. Maybe it covers two trips while there, but Japan is a long flight.”
“As if that matters.” I said. “Say, this chicken juice could be warmer.” I teleported to the kitchenette and set the microwave loudly. Then I 'ported back. “Any questions?”
“Yes. Can you get me some more marshmallows?”
“...”
--------------------------------------------------------
“Whelp, we're all packed.” I said. “Ready to go?”
I was giving them a ride to the airport. And by 'ride', I of course mean 'teleport'. We arrived at the mid-sized suburb known as O' Hare a decent half-hour before their flight. We went in, and bade them farewell. “I'll bring back a poker chip from each casino on the strip if you bring back a sample of every flavor of pocky.” he said.
“No deal.” I said. “The number of pocky flavors can only be expressed as a function of infinity.”
“Okay, the five weirdest, then. In your own reckoning.”
“Deal.”
He set off for his flight, arm in arm with Deirdre.
“Oh. My. God.” Aislin said. “Are they skipping?”
“We may need to pick up another jar of sap to replace what they're using up.” I said. “Anyway, we ought to get going too. Two week's paid vacation is ticking by as we speak. Quick checklist. Small, light, yet roomy luggage?”
“Check.”
“Light yet stylish traveling outfit with matching hat?”
“Check.” she said, with a twirl.
“Passport?”
“Boring check.” she said. “Now I'll do you.”
I gave her a sideways look.
“Oh, you know what I mean. Solar powered messenger bag?”
“Check.”
“Light traveling outfit that is nicely coordinated, yet leaves you secure in your masculinity?”
“Vaguely annoyed check.”
“Passport?”
“International check!”
“Then let's go. The vacation clock's a-tickin'!”
I close my eyes and focus on the Shinto shrine I had researched earlier. I began the 'porting process, which takes about 20 seconds mentally, and 5 in transit. In between the '20' and the '5', I noticed that something had gone horribly wrong. What, you didn't think this was a vacation story, did you?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
We tumbled out of whatever space we travel through as a shortcut through normal space, and fell out into a forest. Times Square, one day. I swear it. Whatever transition we used to get there kicked up a lot of wind, and dead plant matter blew all over the place. At least I could walk this time.
“Oof.” I said.
“Don't look now, Toto.” said Aislin. “But we may not be in Kansas anymore.”
“I do wonder where we landed.” I said. “I mean, this is not a Shinto shrine.”
“Well, perhaps we should ask them.” she said, indicating two people hiding rather badly behind a tree.
I pulled out my phrasebook. “Ah, konnichiwa. Watashi no hobākurafuto wa unagi de ippai desu.”
“What is a 'hovercraft', and why would you fill it with eels?” one of them said. The other made as to shush them, and I gave my phrasebook a distasteful look. I was then struck by a thought.
“You speak English?” I asked.
“No, I do not believe so.” the braver of the pair said, pulling off of the other.
“Sure sounded like it.” I said to Aislin.
“Yep.” she said, nodding.
I heard a beeping sound from my wrist, and my watch showed a message on its screen. “I'm quite good with translation.” See, my watch isn't exactly a watch. It's an AI named Puck, which was accidentally fused with my watch some time ago. He had vast knowledge of the multiverse, an unfortunate tendency to pun, and an excellent sense of time.
“You might have mentioned that before.” I admonished annoyedly.
“Yes, I might have.”
I was about to continue, but Aislin nudged me on the arm to get my attention. The two Japanese people were doing an odd combination of bowing and kneeling.
“Um, are you bowing to us?” I asked tentatively.
“It is not every day one meets a god.” the timid one ventured.
“A god!?” I exclaimed. “Oy, oy, oy, what a mess this will be...”
I felt a growing pain behind my eyeballs, and bent down.
“Look, get up. Get up.” I said, trying for a kind tone. “We're not gods. We're people. Just like you. Seriously, don't bow to us. We're no better than you are.”
They stood hesitantly, as if they were expecting this to be a trick of some sort. I held out my hand.
“My name is Wil. Take my hand.”
The bold one took my hand tentatively, and I shook it gently. “What's your name?”
“Osamu.” he said. “This is my wife, Katsumi.”
“Honored.” she said, bowing slightly.
“I'm Aislin.” said Aislin, extending her hand, which Osamu shook, but Katsumi still seemed wary of.
“See? We're practically friends.” I said genially. “Now, I have a question. Where are we?”
“This is the village of Heijō-kyō.” he said. “Well, the outskirts.”
“Ah.” I said. “That information is not as useful as I might have liked. Do either of you have a phone?”
“A phone?” asked Osamu.
“Or a map.” I said. “I just want to get my bearings.”
“The chronicler might have a map.” he said. “Why do you need one?”
“I'm just wondering how far it is to Tokyo.” I said. “I need to contact my friends. Do you have wi-fi?”
“Ahm, Wil..?” Aislin said, directing my attention to the village of Heijō-kyō, some ways away. It consisted of a moderately sized grouping of wooden houses, with various farming implements and livestock visible.
“Ah. That's a 'no' on the wi-fi, then.” I said dumbly.
“Yeah, it's a no.” she said. “Osamu?”
“Yes, Aislin?” he asked.
“Take us to your leader.”
“Yes. Yes, of course. Follow me.” he said, starting off to the village.
Aislin grinned at me. “I've always wanted to say that.”
About half an hour later, we were seated around a short-legged table. Osamu, Aislin, and myself each sat on a side, and the village elder sat on the fourth. Aislin started off the conversation.
“Honored elder.” she began. “We are travelers, but we have gotten lost. We may not be able to get home for some time, and we request to be allowed to remain here for a time.”
“This is a request I cannot grant.” the Elder said. “This village is dangerous, so we cannot allow guests to stay. It would put them in danger.”
“How is this village dangerous?” she asked.
“The demon Yamato-no-orochi preys on our farms, and our people. Many have been slain by his hand. We have no way to fight this scourge.”
“If Yamato-no-orochi were to be defeated, would you grant our request?”
“Yes, if the demon were to be defeated, our lands would be safe, and we would be able to grant hospitality once more.” he said. “But one may as well expect the sun not to rise.”
“I don't know about the sun.” Aislin said. “But if Yamato-no-orochi is killing your people, then we will have to deal with the matter.”
“Deal with the matter? I cannot allow you to face the monster. It would mean your death, and I cannot have you do this for room and board.”
“We do not do this for room or board, but because it is the right thing to do. If you cannot assist us, we accept this.”
“I can see that you will not be dissuaded. If you are determined to attempt this, it would be a disservice to withhold information. Yamato-no-orochi comes every third day, two hours after the dawn. His skin is as the strongest metal, and his teeth are scythes.”
“I thank you for your help.” Aislin said, beginning to rise.
“Wait.” he said. “You should not face this monster unarmed. Osamu is our smith, he will give you what you need.”
“Please come with me.” Osamu said.
“I still would prefer you simply leave.” said the Elder.
A few minutes pass, and we arrive at Osamu's forge.
“The Elder means well.” he says. “But he does not know who you are.”
“We're not gods.” I said.
“Yes, of course.” he said, winking.
“Ugh...”
“Well, gods or no, you can use some decent weaponry.”
“We don't actually need weapons, you know.” Aislin said.
“Yeah, but a decent katana never hurt anyone.” I said.
Aislin gave me a look, and I amended. “Well, no one it wasn't supposed to. If properly used.”
“This is a bow.” Osamu said, cutting in.
“I know it's a bow.” Aislin said. “Got the arrows?”
“Yes, here.” he said. “And of course a go- a good person would know what a bow is.”
“Nice save.” she said. “And I'm sorry for snapping at you.”
“It is nothing.” he said. “And this is for you.”
He handed me a very nicely crafted katana. I don't know anything about katanas, and even I could tell that it was a fantastic katana.
“This is Kusanagi-no-tsurugi.” he said. “It belonged to my father, and his father, and their fathers before them. It is even rumored that it is enchanted.”
“Wait, he gets a magic sword, and I get a plain old bow?” Aislin said indignantly.
“I have no ancestors that were archers.” said Osamu, not quite shrugging. “Perhaps I will encourage my children to take it up.”
“Well, it looks to be a bow of the finest quality in any case.” I hazarded a guess. “When did Orochi last visit?”
A scream sounded from outside, followed by an odd hissing roar.
“About three days ago, I'll bet.” Aislin said. “Come on!”
We hurried out to the outskirts, where the dread Yamato no Orochi was chasing after Katsumi.
“It would be her...” I said, grimacing.
“Charge?” Aislin suggested.
“Yeah, sounds good.” I said, raising Kusanagi.
As we ran towards the monstrous eight headed snake thing, I noticed that Kusanagi almost seemed... well it seemed like it wanted Force. Like it wanted to show me what it could do with it. As if it was a sieve, which would channel Force from me, into itself and things we attacked. So I gave it some Force.
Yamato no Orochi never knew what hit it.
Kusanagi began to glow with a blue fire that seemed to also resemble lightning. I started levitating, flying this way and that, keeping Orochi's heads busy. Aislin seemed to draw inspiration from my technique, as she began charging arrows with magic blasts. I continued to harry it from above, while Aislin kept the heavy artillery coming. After a few minutes, it began to tire, and its reflexes slowed. I was fine, having taken minimal damage. I was close to a metaphorical Limit Break. So in keeping with that metaphor, I flew straight up, raised Kusanagi above my head, and combined kinetic force with essential Force in a deadly final blow. Yamato no Orochi gave a final, terrible howl, and dissolved into a black ichor-like sludge.
The Elder came out a few minutes later, followed by the people of Heijō-kyō.
“You have slain the demon.” he said simply.
“That we have.” I said, equally simply.
“There are no words for what you have done this day. There is nothing that could ever repay this service that you have done for us.” he said, bowing. The others followed suit.
“It was necessary to remove this evil from the world.” I said. “But there is one thing you could do for me.”
“Anything.” he said.
“Never, ever bow down to me again.” I said, offering him a hand to help him up.
He smiled, and took my hand.
A few days later, we were sitting at the Elder's table again.
“I have looked into our records, and have come up empty handed.” he said. “There is no mention of Magic or Force in these lands.”
“That's unfortunate.” I said, thinking.
“However, there is one who may know of things not in our records.” he said. “The Imperial line is entrusted with many secrets, told only to the Emperor, known only by few. I can get you an audience with the Empress, as you are the slayers of Yamato no Orochi. The rest will have to be your doing.”
“The rest?” I asked.
“You know, the part where she tells us closely guarded religious secrets that maybe ten people know.” Aislin clarified.
“Right.”
“It is said that this knowledge is held for a specific purpose.” the Elder said. “After all, why else keep it? Perhaps it is meant for you.”
“Very well then.” I said. “What is the Empress's name?”
“She is Empress Gemmei.” he said. “And she is very busy these days. You should make haste. I have prepared a formal letter of introduction for you. It should get you an audience.”
“You're not coming?” Aislin asked.
“I am an old man.” he said. “And my place is here. Now go. Osamu wished to speak with you before you left, so I left your horses with him.”
“Horses?” I asked.
“Well, unless you know the way to the Imperial Palace well enough to teleport...” Aislin pointed out.
“Point.”
We left, and went to visit Osamu's forge. He was working on a sword of some sort as we walked in, but he paused when he saw us.
“So, you're going off to see the Empress.” he said.
“Yes.” I said. “It's nice here, but it is not our home.”
“Yes, I can understand.” he said, pausing slightly before continuing. “I wish you to carry this with you on your travels.”
He took Kusanagi-no-tsurugi down from a rack on the wall, and handed it to me.
“I can't take this.” I said. “It's your family's legacy.”
“No.” he said. “My family's legacy was keeping it ready for you. My father told me that I would know the one for whom it was meant if we ever met. And I don't believe anyone else could do what you have done with this sword.”
“I suppose that's true.” I said. I took the sword, and said “I commend you on carrying out your duty. Your responsibility is fulfilled.”
“Thank you.” he said. “I'm afraid I could not repair the bow, however.”
“Yes, it kind of melted.” said Aislin. “But it lasted as long as it needed to. A testament to its craftsmanship.”
“Perhaps I will craft a new bow, for shooting fire arrows.” Osamu said.
“If anyone can, I believe you can, Osamu. Live long and prosper.”
“And you as well, Wil-san.”
He led us to two very white horses, and we rode off to the Imperial Palace, to meet with Empress Gemmei of the Chrysanthemum Throne, find a way back to our time, and perhaps get a bite to eat.
Book II, Chapter 0: Hydrogen and Oxygen
Call me Ishmael. It's not my name, but your using it would make me laugh. Laughing is fun. I'm Wilhelm Mikhail Zurn, but my friends call me Wil. I suppose you could, too. We're not exactly friends, but you're obviously a reader with discriminating tastes, and I can work with that.
A while ago,some strange stuff happened. It was the interesting kind of strange, so I thought I'd write it all down and try to get it all straight in my own head. Of course, there's always the possibility of publication, sales, royalty checks and such, and those are neat, too. Plus, I really do love telling stories. Anyway, I've found that the best place to begin these things is at the beginning, if there is such a thing. There is, in this case. It begins at about 9:30 PM, on December 15th, 2009. As it opens, our intrepid protagonists are sitting around a fireplace, drinking various warm beverages.
A while ago,some strange stuff happened. It was the interesting kind of strange, so I thought I'd write it all down and try to get it all straight in my own head. Of course, there's always the possibility of publication, sales, royalty checks and such, and those are neat, too. Plus, I really do love telling stories. Anyway, I've found that the best place to begin these things is at the beginning, if there is such a thing. There is, in this case. It begins at about 9:30 PM, on December 15th, 2009. As it opens, our intrepid protagonists are sitting around a fireplace, drinking various warm beverages.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Chapter 6: Inferno
As interrogation rooms go, this one definitely had class. All gleaming steel and shining glass, with nary a bare bulb in sight. I suppose it was meant to feel institutional. I sat in a chair, facing a simple steel desk, awaiting my interrogator. I get that they're busy, but it was just rude to keep me waiting that long. Shortly after I had that thought, a somewhat burly-looking guy came in, followed by a more wiry-looking fellow. They wore uniforms of some kind, and sat down opposite me. The wiry one began to speak.
“This is going to be a lot easier if you cooperate. Here's how this will go, provided that you do do. I ask questions, you give me answers. We finish our little chat, we go our separate ways.”
I kind of stared blankly at him.
“Right then, we'll begin. What is your name?”
“Luke Skywalker.” I said, as seriously as I could manage.
“I see.” the wiry guy continued. “What do you know about Elia Terranova?”
“Well, I reckon that it has a few more vowels than is average, and sounds vaguely Italian.” I said, still keeping my poker face.
“Mmm hm.” he said, making notations on his pad. “Tell me about Planar Metaphysics.”
“I have no idea what that is.” I said. “Sounds complicated.”
“Right then. It seems our assessments were correct. We're going to have to use enhanced persuasion to get our answers.”
“That's a euphemism for 'torture', isn't it?” I asked.
“Ideally, we'd be the ones asking questions, Mr. Zurn.” the wiry guy said. “But I'll humor you. Yes, it is.”
“Lovely.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
They moved me through a few corridors, all gleaming white. They sat me down in a cell, somewhat round, with a drain in the center. There was a camera and a speakerphone on the wall, and I wondered if a copy of 1984 had slipped through from our universe. The cell, corridors, and interrogation chamber all had an odd kind of psychic static permeating it, similar to the ones the Cylon things used, but somehow different as well. I worked on filtering it out while pretending to nap, but it was slow going. I wondered idly if Aislin was going through the same thing. Eventually, a guard came and took me to a room which was empty, save for a table with straps on it. It looked like it could easily hold a person, and I was quite sure that was its purpose. The speculation was rendered moot when the guard and several of his cohorts strapped me in. They didn't cut off any circulation, but there was no wiggle room, either. A door opened, and a tall, lean man with dark hair and darker eyes strode in. He sent the guards out with a quick motion of his hand, and turned to me.
“Niccolo Donatello, I presume.” I said. “Forgive me for not shaking your hand, but I'm a bit tied up at the moment.”
“Yes, quite.” he said with a slight chuckle. “Let's skip the pleasantries, then.”
“I took that as a given when leather straps came into the equation.” I said.
“We need not be enemies, Wil.” he said. “May I call you Wil?”
“It is my name.”
“Very well.” he segued. “You and I are both men of vision. Of great potential. We both see the world as incomplete. We both see how it could be improved. And we both have the power to improve it. Why would we not take advantage of this power?”
“Because with great power comes great responsibility.” I said, narrowly avoiding an eye-roll.
“Ah, the Gospel of Uncle Ben.” he said, laughing. “I agree. We, those with power, have the responsibility to mold the world into a better place.”
“Yeah, but I don't buy into that 'noblesse oblige' bull puckey.” I said. “I'm no better than any other person, merely because I can blow stuff up in new and interesting ways. My view of how the world should be is about as relevant as the opinion of my pet rabbit on Singapore's economy.”
“It would be such a waste to have to seal your power along with the others.” he said. “I will offer you one final chance to join me.”
“Look, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.” I said.
“Oh? And why is that?”
“I could never work with someone who dresses as cliched as you do. I mean, a red silk suit? Seriously? Hell called, they want their rag bin back. Oh, and MI6 is on Line Two. They want to know what you've done with James Bon-”
I was cut off by a searing pain in my lower leg. It seems that Niccolo had lost his cool in my direction, in the form of a fireball. He stalked out of the room, and signaled to one of the guards. The guard spoke into a radio briefly, but before I could make anything out, the door slammed shut. The table started to tilt backwards slightly, and I saw that the room was taller than I had previously suspected. There was also a window set into the wall a few meters up. Niccolo's voice came through an unseen speaker.
“I'm beginning the extraction process now.” he said. “I'd say you won't feel a thing, but I honestly have no idea. We haven't had the chance to test the apparatus. Just know that if you don't make it through, you'll have benefited science immeasurably.”
“Fantastic.” I said, unable to muster much in the way of enthusiasm.
There was a mechanical whirring sound from above, and a rather frightening device lowered from the ceiling, a visual cross between a 1940's vintage ray gun and a Shop-Vac. I closed my eyes, and furiously began chipping away at the mental static. It was like trying to save the Titanic with an ice pick, but I didn't feel as if I had much choice. Either I would succeed, or it would be rendered moot. The Ray-Vac continued on downward, and I silently cursed. I always hated the idea of Death By Cliché, and this was a prime example. I heard the Ray-Vac clank into position, and Niccolo said “Beginning Extraction process now. I'd say it's nothing personal, but my ascension to Godhood is very personal to me. If you die, I promise to have mercy on your soul.”
“Frak you, Donatello.” I said, my wit having evacuated the premises.
An electric hum emanated from the device, and it started to glow. I closed my eyes against the brightness. As the humming reached a soaring crescendo, I cringed inwardly. There was the sound of an explosion, a blast of heat, and then... nothing? No, not nothing. It was the same as before, but a tad warmer. I opened my eyes. The Ray-Vac had been reduced to several of its component atoms, Niccolo had vanished from the window, and in the middle of the room, with energy pulses primed, was a very pissed-off looking Aislin. I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for Niccolo, before filing it away under 'the bastard deserves it'.
“Wow.” I said. “Aislin ex machina.”
“Needs work.” she said, blasting my straps. I stood up momentarily, felt a leg give, and readjusted to balance on the other. I was then struck by a thought.
“How are you using your powers?” I asked. “There's intense psychic static here. I can barely hear myself think!”
“I'm using them the same way Donatello is.” she said. “I figured he had a sort of 'personal wavelength' so he wouldn't be affected, and I sort of 'tuned' into it.”
“When we get home, we're going to invent some jargon.” I said ruefully. “I'm not continuing this extended radio metaphor.”
“Fair enough.” she replied. “Can you walk?”
“I can hobble.”
“That's not going to work too well.” she said. “Here, lean on me a bit.”
I did, and she let out a gasp of pain. I eased up momentarily, and noticed that the shoulder I had leaned on was scorched similarly to my leg.
“I was wondering how you knew he could use his power.” I said, switching to the non-crispy side.
“Next time, try non-painful methods of discovery.” she said, wincing slightly.
I took a moment to try the 'tuning', and figured out how to do it.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“No.” I said. “We can't go yet.”
“Yes we can.” she protested. “We can teleport out and nuke the site from above. It's the only way to be sure.”
“What about Elia?” I asked pointedly. “And the other Physicals? We can't just sacrifice them because they're in our way. I've seen Niccolo, and I don't want to get any of what he is on me.”
“Fair enough.” she said agreeably. “What about David and Deirdre, though?”
“They're out of radio range, and I doubt Niccolo would let us borrow a phone.” I said. “We should try to get ourselves, Elia, and the others to the roof by the time they arrive. We can signal them, and they can pick us up without falling into Donatello's trap.”
“But first, we'll need information.” Aislin pointed out. “Niccolo's office is probably in this building, right?”
“Yeah, and we know his password and filing system.” I said. “Aislin, m'dear? Would you care to join me for a jolly bit of hacking?”
“Indubitably, my good sir.” she responded formally.
And with that, we set off to find an elevator.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Niccolo's office was on the top floor. All of the executive offices were, actually, with each founding member facing a cardinal direction. Donatello's office was to the north, according to a directory near the elevator. Walking up to it, I tried the doorknob.
“It's locked.” I said.
“No problem.” Aislin said. “I brought a key.”
She obliterated the door with an energy pulse, and stepped into the room. I followed as soon as my ears stopped ringing. The office had the usual accoutrements of a desk, window, tea set slash espresso machine, et cetera. Aislin cleared her throat rather pointedly, and I turned around. Against the far wall were three small prison cells, each large enough for one person, with cylindrical walls of force energy. Two of them held people I hadn't met before, and the third held Elia. They all looked rather startled.
“Oh, hi.” I said. “'Sup?”
“Get us out of these things, you тупоумно авторучка!” the Russian-looking woman yelled at me.
“Ok, I didn't catch that last bit, but it sounded rude.” I said. “Where's the off button?”
“It's on his desk, near his pen holder.” the big guy said. As I was moving to release them, I heard him say “I know you're angry, Darya, but he's trying to help. Calling him a stupid wanker is no way to start off a relationship.”
“I also have decent hearing, you know.” I said, a tad loudly. “But I'll let you out anyway.”
I hit the button, and the force walls shimmered out of existence. Elia, Darya, and Peter stepped out of the recesses, and moved away from them.
“So, Elia.” Aislin asked. “Would you care to make introductions?”
“Yes, of course.” she said. “Wil, Aislin. These are my friends, Peter Petrovsky and Darya Darshkova. They are the Avatars of Earth and Air, respectively.”
She turned to her friends, and said “Darya, Peter. This is Wil and Aislin, the Avatars of Order and Chaos. They came to help us.”
“Charmed.” said Aislin. “Now, shall we leave?”
“Not just yet.” I said.
“Aw, come on!” she protested. “We came, we saw, we stormed the Bastille! What more could we want?”
“Donatello's device, and his power, of course.” I said.
Upon receiving a blank look from three simultaneous sources (which is something I had not missed, incidentally), I explained.
“If we can somehow reverse the effects of the device, we can use it to strengthen the Multiverse instead of weaken it.” I began. “I saw the plans earlier, remember? It's designed to create feedback in the Planar Forge, slowly cutting off the flow of Planar energies. But if we could create a sort of 'carrier signal' instead of a feedback pulse, it should make the fabric of reality more like Kevlar and less like tissue paper. Which falls neatly into the category of 'why we're here', if you'll recall.”
“But why take Niccolo's power?” Elia asked. “And how?”
“The device needs the power of all eight Avatars to function.” I said. “As for the 'how', well... we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.”
“Where is this device?” Darya asked. “We do not know if he even constructed it!”
“We do, actually.” Elia interjected. “After I saw the blueprints, I remembered seeing it. He keeps it in his wall safe.”
She strode over to a vaguely ostentatious portrait of Niccolo Donatello, CEO of Donatello Industries (emphasis his), and swung it open. She keyed in a code, and a smaller metal door swung open as well. She withdrew a device that looked like a large pocket watch, and closed the doors once again.
“It's so small.” I said dumbly.
“Well, the best presents do tend to come in small packages.” Aislin pointed out.
“How did you know how to get into his safe?” Peter asked. “He would not have told us his combination.”
“Well, he did say what it was, once.” Darya said. “He said that it corresponded to his-” she broke off in mid sentence, seemingly having an epiphany. “мой бог!” she shouted, and I got the feeling it was a divine oath. Elia kind of blushed, and I didn't press the issue.
“Ok, more pressing question here.” I said, pointedly and hurriedly changing the subject. “How do we turn this thing to reverse?”
“I will do this.” Peter said. “If you have his designs, I can use them to alter it.”
“Good.” I said. “The plans are in his computer, his password is 'Entropy'. Someone should hang back, in case more goons show up.”
“That will be me.” said Darya firmly. “No goon will harm Peter while I yet draw breath.”
“Ok, good.” I said, planning as I was speaking. “Our other friends will be arriving with our airship in about half an hour, I'll tell them to join you. As soon as we have everything, we'll get aboard. Puck will have the location of the best spot for this to go down. Aislin, Elia, and I will go obtain Fire's power, and we'll meet you back here. Sound like a plan?”
There was a round of nods, and us three dashed out to meet an evil overlord. We had been gone for about two seconds, when Darya suddenly asked “Wait. Who's Puck?”
Peter merely shrugged, and went back to work.
----------------------------------------------------------
“He will probably be here, in the building somewhere.” Elia said. “He's not the type to simply run away after being beaten. He will try to strike at us once again.”
“Okay.” I said. “I have an idea.”
Ten minutes later, Niccolo entered the room where he had nearly committed Grand Theft Mojo not too long ago. Elia stood there to greet him.
“Why, Niccolo?” she said. “Why have you betrayed our friendship?”
“It was necessary.” he said. “My power gives me the responsibility to save the world. If I must destroy it first, then so be it.”
'You sound like you believe yourself to be a god.”
“One of supreme power, who creates a universe and is revered by all those beneath. A true god by any definition.”
The psychic static started up, controlled by Aislin and Elia in the control booth. Elia shimmered out of existence, and I stood in her place. Niccolo was shocked for a moment, and I dropped him with a sucker punch in the pause.
“You should have known better, Niccolo.” I said, shaking my head. “The clichéd villains always get beaten by the good guys. That's why it's, you know, a cliché.”
I dragged his insensate form over to the table, and strapped him in. He regained his wits as I was applying the last strap.
“You fool! Do you truly believe that you can defeat a demigod?” he yelled, frothing a bit at the mouth.
“I'm not actually sure.” I said. “But I sure as hell can beat your lame ass.”
I walked toward the door, pausing briefly to signal to Elia to start up the sequence. I then left the room, to watch from above.
“Well, at least he had one good idea.” I said as I entered the room. “Always keep a spare.”
“You never know when 'those meddling kids' will blow up your death ray.” Aislin said, nodding.
The Ray-Vac Mark II finished its ominous descent, and activated. There was a few seconds of blinding light, and then it went quiet. There was a small 'ding' from the console, and a capsule popped out of a door. It was about the size of a double-A battery.
“Essence of Fire.” I said sagely.
“What about Niccolo?” Elia asked.
We peeked out the window, and Niccolo Donatello was laying on the table, twitching slightly.
“I guess he's feeling a bit drained.” I quipped.
Aislin hit me, and I cringed a little.
“Let's go see if he's okay.” I suggested.
“And if he is?” Aislin asked.
“Then depending on what he says, we either help him up, or make him not okay.”
“Works for me.” Elia said, and walked out.
We followed her to the Torture Room, and as we entered, Niccolo raised his head.
“Elia? Is that you?” he said. “Oh, god. I'm so sorry!”
He broke down into an emotional puddle, and Elia started to go over to him, but Aislin held her back.
“Donatello.” she said. “Explain yourself.”
“It was the power of Fire.” he said. “I was careless, I let down my guard. The Evil got into my head, started warping my thoughts. He made me turn on you!”
“You were possessed?” I said skeptically. We already had enough movie archetypes.
“Yes, by Mordred.” he said. “On his last day of teaching all four of us, he took me aside. He had a device of some sort, he called it a 'phylactery'. He said it contained an ifrit, an extradimensional being bound to Fire. He released it from the phylactery, and it began to take over my mind. When you took the power of Fire from me, it was released from my mind. Without another receptacle to go into, it dissipated. I'm free. I'm me!”
“Well, now that it's gone, here's your power back.” I said, moving to return to the control room. “I'll just flip this into reverse, and-”
“NO!” he interrupted me. “I never want anything to do with that cursed power again! I will remain myself, with my own will, or not remain at all!”
“Good answer.” I said, and released his straps. He fell with a thump to the ground, and Elia helped him up.
“Now let's hurry.” I said. “The sooner we strengthen the Multiverse, the better for all of us.”
We hurried and hobbled back to the office, where David and Deirdre were waiting along with Darya and Peter, who was holding the device.
“Niccolo?” Darya said, shocked.
“It's okay.” Elia said. “It's him again.”
She outlined the events of the last ten or so minutes in quick, broad strokes.
“My God...” said Peter.
“That's awful!” exclaimed Deirdre.
“All I can do is hope that someday, I can make up for the things I have done.” said Niccolo. “I will not ask for your forgiveness. I do not deserve it.”
“Indeed not.” Elia said. “After all, only those who have done wrong would deserve forgiveness. You have done nothing that requires forgiveness, so we will not give it to you.”
Then she gave him a hug. Well, 'hug' is something of an understatement. I thought for a moment that she was trying to remove his head via his rib cage. Soon enough, Darya and Peter joined in.
“Right then, almost everything is right in the Multiverse.” I said. “Let's take care of that last little thing.”
We boarded the Freyja, and headed to coordinates that Puck had provided discreetly. When I realized that the coordinates were on Easter Island, I came very close to swearing. Honestly, this frickin' world...
We arrived at the island a few days later, and Puck set the Freyja into a low hover. We disembarked one by one, and headed to the center of the island. I took a seat on the head of a moai, and addressed the crew.
“It's been a long road, getting from there to here. It's been a long time, but our time is finally near. And we will see our dream-” I was interrupted by Aislin shoving me off of the statue. I landed nearby with a chuckle.
“Ok, ok. According to the plans, we each place a hand on the watch thingy. It has a spot where the Fire Battery can connect, which I suspect was deliberate. I suggest we not think about that too much. Well, unless someone else has a flowery motivational speech, I say we get this thing done.”
“Sounds fine by me.” David said. There was a general murmur of assent, and we gathered in a circle around the watch. Peter plugged in the Fire Battery, and we each laid a finger on the casing. Nothing happened.
“Er, Peter? Are you sure you- WOAH!” I began to ask, but was cut off by the device's activation. It started to glow brightly, and it almost hurt to look at it. It began to shimmer with more colors than I'd know how do describe, and a fierce wind picked up. It rose off of the ground, still glowing incandescently, with a veritable whirlwind swirling around it. I felt a drop on my face, and looked up. A massive thunderstorm had formed around the island, soaking everything around. The watch glowed even brighter, and it released a beam of pure white light straight up, which branched out into strands, forming a web of light which seemed to capture the sky, before pulsing once, twice, a third time. Then it disappeared, along with the glow, the storm, and the watch, leaving eight very soggy Avatars on the island.
“You were saying something?” Peter asked after a moment.
“Nope.” I said. “Nothing at all.”
Then we all broke out into laughter, the weariness of the past few days being felt.
“What was with the storm?”
About an hour had passed, and Aislin and I were sitting on opposite moai, facing each other. Elia and Niccolo had gone somewhere for a stroll, and the others were playing in the surf. What can I say? Beaches are awesome, especially on tropical islands. I answered Aislin's question.
“I figure it was to boost the Elemental reaction.” I theorized. “We were on an island, surrounded by the ocean. The storm started throwing lightning and wind around, and set a few bushes ablaze.”
“Ah.” she said, epiphanizing. “Fire, water, earth, and air. Plus, the creation of ozone from the charged air, the destruction of several plants, and of course the order of the ritual and the chaos of the storm itself.”
“Wow. You're smarter than you look.” I said.
She pushed me into the water. Sometimes I think my mouth is out to kill me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
After some time, we left Easter Island, and dropped the Physical Avatars off at Donatello Industries. They bade us farewell, and we flew off triumphantly into the sunset. Totally my idea.
“So, now what?” I asked.
“Now, we go home.” said Puck.
“How do we do that?” I asked. “It took the power of Asgard to send us here in the first place. How are we supposed to-”
I was interrupted by a flash of light. The view out the window changed, and I noted the Sears Tower.
“So.” I said. “Chicago.”
“Yep.” Puck said. “By the way, Freyja sends her thanks, and wanted me to tell you that she'd be happy to have guests again someday, but for the moment, she's very busy recalibrating Asgard.”
“Well, so long as everything's okay.” I said.
“What about the part where we're in a large flying ship, hovering over Chicago?” Aislin asked.
“Oh. Oh snap.”
“Need some assistance?” came a familiar voice over the ship's radio.
A few hours later, the Freyja was parked in a hangar at O'Hare, safely covered in several layers of security and a good cover story. Merlin stood at the door along with Neil as we disembarked.
“Well.” he said, his eyes sparkling merrily. “It would seem you've been busy.”
“You have no idea.” I said. “But I can tell you all about it, on one condition.”
“Oh?” he asked. “And what would that be?”
“You provide lunch, we'll provide the story.”
“Deal.” he said, chuckling. “Come, I know a place that makes the most divine bagel sandwiches.”
And so, after facing puzzles, gods, angels, demons, and our own frailties, we went to have a nice chat over bagels.
END BOOK I
“This is going to be a lot easier if you cooperate. Here's how this will go, provided that you do do. I ask questions, you give me answers. We finish our little chat, we go our separate ways.”
I kind of stared blankly at him.
“Right then, we'll begin. What is your name?”
“Luke Skywalker.” I said, as seriously as I could manage.
“I see.” the wiry guy continued. “What do you know about Elia Terranova?”
“Well, I reckon that it has a few more vowels than is average, and sounds vaguely Italian.” I said, still keeping my poker face.
“Mmm hm.” he said, making notations on his pad. “Tell me about Planar Metaphysics.”
“I have no idea what that is.” I said. “Sounds complicated.”
“Right then. It seems our assessments were correct. We're going to have to use enhanced persuasion to get our answers.”
“That's a euphemism for 'torture', isn't it?” I asked.
“Ideally, we'd be the ones asking questions, Mr. Zurn.” the wiry guy said. “But I'll humor you. Yes, it is.”
“Lovely.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
They moved me through a few corridors, all gleaming white. They sat me down in a cell, somewhat round, with a drain in the center. There was a camera and a speakerphone on the wall, and I wondered if a copy of 1984 had slipped through from our universe. The cell, corridors, and interrogation chamber all had an odd kind of psychic static permeating it, similar to the ones the Cylon things used, but somehow different as well. I worked on filtering it out while pretending to nap, but it was slow going. I wondered idly if Aislin was going through the same thing. Eventually, a guard came and took me to a room which was empty, save for a table with straps on it. It looked like it could easily hold a person, and I was quite sure that was its purpose. The speculation was rendered moot when the guard and several of his cohorts strapped me in. They didn't cut off any circulation, but there was no wiggle room, either. A door opened, and a tall, lean man with dark hair and darker eyes strode in. He sent the guards out with a quick motion of his hand, and turned to me.
“Niccolo Donatello, I presume.” I said. “Forgive me for not shaking your hand, but I'm a bit tied up at the moment.”
“Yes, quite.” he said with a slight chuckle. “Let's skip the pleasantries, then.”
“I took that as a given when leather straps came into the equation.” I said.
“We need not be enemies, Wil.” he said. “May I call you Wil?”
“It is my name.”
“Very well.” he segued. “You and I are both men of vision. Of great potential. We both see the world as incomplete. We both see how it could be improved. And we both have the power to improve it. Why would we not take advantage of this power?”
“Because with great power comes great responsibility.” I said, narrowly avoiding an eye-roll.
“Ah, the Gospel of Uncle Ben.” he said, laughing. “I agree. We, those with power, have the responsibility to mold the world into a better place.”
“Yeah, but I don't buy into that 'noblesse oblige' bull puckey.” I said. “I'm no better than any other person, merely because I can blow stuff up in new and interesting ways. My view of how the world should be is about as relevant as the opinion of my pet rabbit on Singapore's economy.”
“It would be such a waste to have to seal your power along with the others.” he said. “I will offer you one final chance to join me.”
“Look, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.” I said.
“Oh? And why is that?”
“I could never work with someone who dresses as cliched as you do. I mean, a red silk suit? Seriously? Hell called, they want their rag bin back. Oh, and MI6 is on Line Two. They want to know what you've done with James Bon-”
I was cut off by a searing pain in my lower leg. It seems that Niccolo had lost his cool in my direction, in the form of a fireball. He stalked out of the room, and signaled to one of the guards. The guard spoke into a radio briefly, but before I could make anything out, the door slammed shut. The table started to tilt backwards slightly, and I saw that the room was taller than I had previously suspected. There was also a window set into the wall a few meters up. Niccolo's voice came through an unseen speaker.
“I'm beginning the extraction process now.” he said. “I'd say you won't feel a thing, but I honestly have no idea. We haven't had the chance to test the apparatus. Just know that if you don't make it through, you'll have benefited science immeasurably.”
“Fantastic.” I said, unable to muster much in the way of enthusiasm.
There was a mechanical whirring sound from above, and a rather frightening device lowered from the ceiling, a visual cross between a 1940's vintage ray gun and a Shop-Vac. I closed my eyes, and furiously began chipping away at the mental static. It was like trying to save the Titanic with an ice pick, but I didn't feel as if I had much choice. Either I would succeed, or it would be rendered moot. The Ray-Vac continued on downward, and I silently cursed. I always hated the idea of Death By Cliché, and this was a prime example. I heard the Ray-Vac clank into position, and Niccolo said “Beginning Extraction process now. I'd say it's nothing personal, but my ascension to Godhood is very personal to me. If you die, I promise to have mercy on your soul.”
“Frak you, Donatello.” I said, my wit having evacuated the premises.
An electric hum emanated from the device, and it started to glow. I closed my eyes against the brightness. As the humming reached a soaring crescendo, I cringed inwardly. There was the sound of an explosion, a blast of heat, and then... nothing? No, not nothing. It was the same as before, but a tad warmer. I opened my eyes. The Ray-Vac had been reduced to several of its component atoms, Niccolo had vanished from the window, and in the middle of the room, with energy pulses primed, was a very pissed-off looking Aislin. I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for Niccolo, before filing it away under 'the bastard deserves it'.
“Wow.” I said. “Aislin ex machina.”
“Needs work.” she said, blasting my straps. I stood up momentarily, felt a leg give, and readjusted to balance on the other. I was then struck by a thought.
“How are you using your powers?” I asked. “There's intense psychic static here. I can barely hear myself think!”
“I'm using them the same way Donatello is.” she said. “I figured he had a sort of 'personal wavelength' so he wouldn't be affected, and I sort of 'tuned' into it.”
“When we get home, we're going to invent some jargon.” I said ruefully. “I'm not continuing this extended radio metaphor.”
“Fair enough.” she replied. “Can you walk?”
“I can hobble.”
“That's not going to work too well.” she said. “Here, lean on me a bit.”
I did, and she let out a gasp of pain. I eased up momentarily, and noticed that the shoulder I had leaned on was scorched similarly to my leg.
“I was wondering how you knew he could use his power.” I said, switching to the non-crispy side.
“Next time, try non-painful methods of discovery.” she said, wincing slightly.
I took a moment to try the 'tuning', and figured out how to do it.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“No.” I said. “We can't go yet.”
“Yes we can.” she protested. “We can teleport out and nuke the site from above. It's the only way to be sure.”
“What about Elia?” I asked pointedly. “And the other Physicals? We can't just sacrifice them because they're in our way. I've seen Niccolo, and I don't want to get any of what he is on me.”
“Fair enough.” she said agreeably. “What about David and Deirdre, though?”
“They're out of radio range, and I doubt Niccolo would let us borrow a phone.” I said. “We should try to get ourselves, Elia, and the others to the roof by the time they arrive. We can signal them, and they can pick us up without falling into Donatello's trap.”
“But first, we'll need information.” Aislin pointed out. “Niccolo's office is probably in this building, right?”
“Yeah, and we know his password and filing system.” I said. “Aislin, m'dear? Would you care to join me for a jolly bit of hacking?”
“Indubitably, my good sir.” she responded formally.
And with that, we set off to find an elevator.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Niccolo's office was on the top floor. All of the executive offices were, actually, with each founding member facing a cardinal direction. Donatello's office was to the north, according to a directory near the elevator. Walking up to it, I tried the doorknob.
“It's locked.” I said.
“No problem.” Aislin said. “I brought a key.”
She obliterated the door with an energy pulse, and stepped into the room. I followed as soon as my ears stopped ringing. The office had the usual accoutrements of a desk, window, tea set slash espresso machine, et cetera. Aislin cleared her throat rather pointedly, and I turned around. Against the far wall were three small prison cells, each large enough for one person, with cylindrical walls of force energy. Two of them held people I hadn't met before, and the third held Elia. They all looked rather startled.
“Oh, hi.” I said. “'Sup?”
“Get us out of these things, you тупоумно авторучка!” the Russian-looking woman yelled at me.
“Ok, I didn't catch that last bit, but it sounded rude.” I said. “Where's the off button?”
“It's on his desk, near his pen holder.” the big guy said. As I was moving to release them, I heard him say “I know you're angry, Darya, but he's trying to help. Calling him a stupid wanker is no way to start off a relationship.”
“I also have decent hearing, you know.” I said, a tad loudly. “But I'll let you out anyway.”
I hit the button, and the force walls shimmered out of existence. Elia, Darya, and Peter stepped out of the recesses, and moved away from them.
“So, Elia.” Aislin asked. “Would you care to make introductions?”
“Yes, of course.” she said. “Wil, Aislin. These are my friends, Peter Petrovsky and Darya Darshkova. They are the Avatars of Earth and Air, respectively.”
She turned to her friends, and said “Darya, Peter. This is Wil and Aislin, the Avatars of Order and Chaos. They came to help us.”
“Charmed.” said Aislin. “Now, shall we leave?”
“Not just yet.” I said.
“Aw, come on!” she protested. “We came, we saw, we stormed the Bastille! What more could we want?”
“Donatello's device, and his power, of course.” I said.
Upon receiving a blank look from three simultaneous sources (which is something I had not missed, incidentally), I explained.
“If we can somehow reverse the effects of the device, we can use it to strengthen the Multiverse instead of weaken it.” I began. “I saw the plans earlier, remember? It's designed to create feedback in the Planar Forge, slowly cutting off the flow of Planar energies. But if we could create a sort of 'carrier signal' instead of a feedback pulse, it should make the fabric of reality more like Kevlar and less like tissue paper. Which falls neatly into the category of 'why we're here', if you'll recall.”
“But why take Niccolo's power?” Elia asked. “And how?”
“The device needs the power of all eight Avatars to function.” I said. “As for the 'how', well... we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.”
“Where is this device?” Darya asked. “We do not know if he even constructed it!”
“We do, actually.” Elia interjected. “After I saw the blueprints, I remembered seeing it. He keeps it in his wall safe.”
She strode over to a vaguely ostentatious portrait of Niccolo Donatello, CEO of Donatello Industries (emphasis his), and swung it open. She keyed in a code, and a smaller metal door swung open as well. She withdrew a device that looked like a large pocket watch, and closed the doors once again.
“It's so small.” I said dumbly.
“Well, the best presents do tend to come in small packages.” Aislin pointed out.
“How did you know how to get into his safe?” Peter asked. “He would not have told us his combination.”
“Well, he did say what it was, once.” Darya said. “He said that it corresponded to his-” she broke off in mid sentence, seemingly having an epiphany. “мой бог!” she shouted, and I got the feeling it was a divine oath. Elia kind of blushed, and I didn't press the issue.
“Ok, more pressing question here.” I said, pointedly and hurriedly changing the subject. “How do we turn this thing to reverse?”
“I will do this.” Peter said. “If you have his designs, I can use them to alter it.”
“Good.” I said. “The plans are in his computer, his password is 'Entropy'. Someone should hang back, in case more goons show up.”
“That will be me.” said Darya firmly. “No goon will harm Peter while I yet draw breath.”
“Ok, good.” I said, planning as I was speaking. “Our other friends will be arriving with our airship in about half an hour, I'll tell them to join you. As soon as we have everything, we'll get aboard. Puck will have the location of the best spot for this to go down. Aislin, Elia, and I will go obtain Fire's power, and we'll meet you back here. Sound like a plan?”
There was a round of nods, and us three dashed out to meet an evil overlord. We had been gone for about two seconds, when Darya suddenly asked “Wait. Who's Puck?”
Peter merely shrugged, and went back to work.
----------------------------------------------------------
“He will probably be here, in the building somewhere.” Elia said. “He's not the type to simply run away after being beaten. He will try to strike at us once again.”
“Okay.” I said. “I have an idea.”
Ten minutes later, Niccolo entered the room where he had nearly committed Grand Theft Mojo not too long ago. Elia stood there to greet him.
“Why, Niccolo?” she said. “Why have you betrayed our friendship?”
“It was necessary.” he said. “My power gives me the responsibility to save the world. If I must destroy it first, then so be it.”
'You sound like you believe yourself to be a god.”
“One of supreme power, who creates a universe and is revered by all those beneath. A true god by any definition.”
The psychic static started up, controlled by Aislin and Elia in the control booth. Elia shimmered out of existence, and I stood in her place. Niccolo was shocked for a moment, and I dropped him with a sucker punch in the pause.
“You should have known better, Niccolo.” I said, shaking my head. “The clichéd villains always get beaten by the good guys. That's why it's, you know, a cliché.”
I dragged his insensate form over to the table, and strapped him in. He regained his wits as I was applying the last strap.
“You fool! Do you truly believe that you can defeat a demigod?” he yelled, frothing a bit at the mouth.
“I'm not actually sure.” I said. “But I sure as hell can beat your lame ass.”
I walked toward the door, pausing briefly to signal to Elia to start up the sequence. I then left the room, to watch from above.
“Well, at least he had one good idea.” I said as I entered the room. “Always keep a spare.”
“You never know when 'those meddling kids' will blow up your death ray.” Aislin said, nodding.
The Ray-Vac Mark II finished its ominous descent, and activated. There was a few seconds of blinding light, and then it went quiet. There was a small 'ding' from the console, and a capsule popped out of a door. It was about the size of a double-A battery.
“Essence of Fire.” I said sagely.
“What about Niccolo?” Elia asked.
We peeked out the window, and Niccolo Donatello was laying on the table, twitching slightly.
“I guess he's feeling a bit drained.” I quipped.
Aislin hit me, and I cringed a little.
“Let's go see if he's okay.” I suggested.
“And if he is?” Aislin asked.
“Then depending on what he says, we either help him up, or make him not okay.”
“Works for me.” Elia said, and walked out.
We followed her to the Torture Room, and as we entered, Niccolo raised his head.
“Elia? Is that you?” he said. “Oh, god. I'm so sorry!”
He broke down into an emotional puddle, and Elia started to go over to him, but Aislin held her back.
“Donatello.” she said. “Explain yourself.”
“It was the power of Fire.” he said. “I was careless, I let down my guard. The Evil got into my head, started warping my thoughts. He made me turn on you!”
“You were possessed?” I said skeptically. We already had enough movie archetypes.
“Yes, by Mordred.” he said. “On his last day of teaching all four of us, he took me aside. He had a device of some sort, he called it a 'phylactery'. He said it contained an ifrit, an extradimensional being bound to Fire. He released it from the phylactery, and it began to take over my mind. When you took the power of Fire from me, it was released from my mind. Without another receptacle to go into, it dissipated. I'm free. I'm me!”
“Well, now that it's gone, here's your power back.” I said, moving to return to the control room. “I'll just flip this into reverse, and-”
“NO!” he interrupted me. “I never want anything to do with that cursed power again! I will remain myself, with my own will, or not remain at all!”
“Good answer.” I said, and released his straps. He fell with a thump to the ground, and Elia helped him up.
“Now let's hurry.” I said. “The sooner we strengthen the Multiverse, the better for all of us.”
We hurried and hobbled back to the office, where David and Deirdre were waiting along with Darya and Peter, who was holding the device.
“Niccolo?” Darya said, shocked.
“It's okay.” Elia said. “It's him again.”
She outlined the events of the last ten or so minutes in quick, broad strokes.
“My God...” said Peter.
“That's awful!” exclaimed Deirdre.
“All I can do is hope that someday, I can make up for the things I have done.” said Niccolo. “I will not ask for your forgiveness. I do not deserve it.”
“Indeed not.” Elia said. “After all, only those who have done wrong would deserve forgiveness. You have done nothing that requires forgiveness, so we will not give it to you.”
Then she gave him a hug. Well, 'hug' is something of an understatement. I thought for a moment that she was trying to remove his head via his rib cage. Soon enough, Darya and Peter joined in.
“Right then, almost everything is right in the Multiverse.” I said. “Let's take care of that last little thing.”
We boarded the Freyja, and headed to coordinates that Puck had provided discreetly. When I realized that the coordinates were on Easter Island, I came very close to swearing. Honestly, this frickin' world...
We arrived at the island a few days later, and Puck set the Freyja into a low hover. We disembarked one by one, and headed to the center of the island. I took a seat on the head of a moai, and addressed the crew.
“It's been a long road, getting from there to here. It's been a long time, but our time is finally near. And we will see our dream-” I was interrupted by Aislin shoving me off of the statue. I landed nearby with a chuckle.
“Ok, ok. According to the plans, we each place a hand on the watch thingy. It has a spot where the Fire Battery can connect, which I suspect was deliberate. I suggest we not think about that too much. Well, unless someone else has a flowery motivational speech, I say we get this thing done.”
“Sounds fine by me.” David said. There was a general murmur of assent, and we gathered in a circle around the watch. Peter plugged in the Fire Battery, and we each laid a finger on the casing. Nothing happened.
“Er, Peter? Are you sure you- WOAH!” I began to ask, but was cut off by the device's activation. It started to glow brightly, and it almost hurt to look at it. It began to shimmer with more colors than I'd know how do describe, and a fierce wind picked up. It rose off of the ground, still glowing incandescently, with a veritable whirlwind swirling around it. I felt a drop on my face, and looked up. A massive thunderstorm had formed around the island, soaking everything around. The watch glowed even brighter, and it released a beam of pure white light straight up, which branched out into strands, forming a web of light which seemed to capture the sky, before pulsing once, twice, a third time. Then it disappeared, along with the glow, the storm, and the watch, leaving eight very soggy Avatars on the island.
“You were saying something?” Peter asked after a moment.
“Nope.” I said. “Nothing at all.”
Then we all broke out into laughter, the weariness of the past few days being felt.
“What was with the storm?”
About an hour had passed, and Aislin and I were sitting on opposite moai, facing each other. Elia and Niccolo had gone somewhere for a stroll, and the others were playing in the surf. What can I say? Beaches are awesome, especially on tropical islands. I answered Aislin's question.
“I figure it was to boost the Elemental reaction.” I theorized. “We were on an island, surrounded by the ocean. The storm started throwing lightning and wind around, and set a few bushes ablaze.”
“Ah.” she said, epiphanizing. “Fire, water, earth, and air. Plus, the creation of ozone from the charged air, the destruction of several plants, and of course the order of the ritual and the chaos of the storm itself.”
“Wow. You're smarter than you look.” I said.
She pushed me into the water. Sometimes I think my mouth is out to kill me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
After some time, we left Easter Island, and dropped the Physical Avatars off at Donatello Industries. They bade us farewell, and we flew off triumphantly into the sunset. Totally my idea.
“So, now what?” I asked.
“Now, we go home.” said Puck.
“How do we do that?” I asked. “It took the power of Asgard to send us here in the first place. How are we supposed to-”
I was interrupted by a flash of light. The view out the window changed, and I noted the Sears Tower.
“So.” I said. “Chicago.”
“Yep.” Puck said. “By the way, Freyja sends her thanks, and wanted me to tell you that she'd be happy to have guests again someday, but for the moment, she's very busy recalibrating Asgard.”
“Well, so long as everything's okay.” I said.
“What about the part where we're in a large flying ship, hovering over Chicago?” Aislin asked.
“Oh. Oh snap.”
“Need some assistance?” came a familiar voice over the ship's radio.
A few hours later, the Freyja was parked in a hangar at O'Hare, safely covered in several layers of security and a good cover story. Merlin stood at the door along with Neil as we disembarked.
“Well.” he said, his eyes sparkling merrily. “It would seem you've been busy.”
“You have no idea.” I said. “But I can tell you all about it, on one condition.”
“Oh?” he asked. “And what would that be?”
“You provide lunch, we'll provide the story.”
“Deal.” he said, chuckling. “Come, I know a place that makes the most divine bagel sandwiches.”
And so, after facing puzzles, gods, angels, demons, and our own frailties, we went to have a nice chat over bagels.
END BOOK I
Chapter 5: Backfire
I woke up in a field. Not the containment kind, the open, grassy kind. It's always a field that dimensional travelers get dumped into, isn't it? Just once, I'd like to see someone land in a rice paddy or Times Square, just for variety's sake. Anyway, I tried to stand up, but soon decided that standing could wait. There was a solid wall of pain at about my height. After laying down and whimpering quietly in a very non-manly way, I decided to review my memories. You know, get everything straight, make sure I hadn't lost any. I mentally scanned through what I knew of the Avatars, Planar Metaphysics, the Key of Solomon Agency, Merlin, Morgan, Freyja, Asgard, the Entropic Crisis, and that damned jingle from Pizza Patio. I then took stock of myself, and felt as if I was mostly intact, but I was fairly sure that I had misplaced my spleen somewhere along the way. After all of this, which didn't actually take more than a few moments, I decided to try out my voice.
"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed in pain. Noting that my voice worked properly, I dropped my usual inhibitions and let loose a string of obscenities that would have gotten me arrested in several Southern states. I closed my eyes briefly, and when I reopened them, I saw Deirdre staring down at me.
"Good morning, Sunshine!" she said with faux cheeriness.
"Gyahh.." I said, half-startled.
"Still hurting from that teleport?" she asked.
"No, it feels all better." I said. "Except for the parts that are attached to me. Have you seen my spleen anywhere?"
"It's over there, by your pride and your dignity." she said. I groaned. She bent over and beeped my nose. "Now come on, we oughta find the others!" she said, running off.
"But, pain..." I began to protest, but soon realized that I had sat up during the very same protest."Nose beep!" I said declaratively, remembering Deirdre's healing powers. Feeling better, I got up and dashed off after Deirdre. However, I'm soon flat on my face again with a shout of "waagh!". This was not my day. The object on the ground that had snagged my foot said "Ow! What the hell!", and I saw that it was Aislin. I quickly apologised and rolled off of her, finishing with an 'ow' on behalf of my knees.
"So." I said gamely. "How's things?"
"I think I misplaced my spleen." she said.
"I know how you feel." I said, nodding. "Have you seen Deirdre?"
"Not since we landed." Aislin said.
"She must be looking to beep David's nose." I postulated.
Aislin regarded me oddly, and I explained. "In order to heal him."
"Huh."
A bit of time passes silently, and finally, Aislin says "Does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"
"A bit." I said. "And that one resembles a dragon."
"That looks like a zeppelin." she said.
"What? No, see there's the wings..." I began, but soon noticed the distinctive form of a large balloon with a gondola and propellors.
"Oh, now I see it." I said lamely. "Yep, definitely a zeppelin."
"Time travel?" Aislin suggested.
"Maybe." I said. "But unless the pocket dimension of Asgard was a grassy plain with zeppelins in a past life, I think 'alternate dimension' is more likely."
"That doesn't rule out time travel." Aislin pointed out.
"I never said it did." I said. "I wonder how we could find out?"
"We could ask the natives." Aislin suggested.
"Sure." I said sarcastically. "How do you do, sir. We're the Avatars of the Metaphysical planes of the Multiverse, can you tell us which dimension this is?"
Aislin scowls at me, and I feel chagrined. "Sorry." I said. "Bad interdimensional teleportation makes me cranky."
"Evidently." she said. "We do need information, though. How do you suggest we come by it?"
I was about to admit that I really had no idea, when my watch said "Well, you could try asking me."
"Did your watch just talk?" Aislin asked.
"Uh-huh." I said dumbly.
"Has it done this before?" she asked.
"Uh-uh." I said, just as dumbly.
"Remember back on Asgard? Right before Freyja teleported you out, she produced a wrist mounted database." said my watch.
"Yes, I recall that." I said.
"During the teleport, its systems were fused with your wrist chronometer, resulting in little old me." It continued.
"But how would a database and a regular timepiece fuse into something with a personality?" Aislin asked.
"Who's to say I have a personality?" my watch asked.
"I do." responded Aislin. "If you were just a talking computer, you'd have just said 'insufficient data' or something."
"Clever." it said. "Very clever."
"You know, for a database, it's awfully reluctant to give out information." I said. "Aislin?"
"Hmm?"
"Didn't you mention once that your uncle was a watchmaker?" I asked, winking. "Not Niel, the other one."
"Yeah." she responded, playing along. "He taught me a lot about picking apart small timepieces."
"I hear they're easy to break." I said, pretending to ignore my watch. "Even winding them too much can cause them to stop ticking forever."
"Yeah, they make such sounds when damaged." she said, suppressing a chuckle. "Almost like they're screaming."
"Gaah! Ok, ok!" exclaimed my watch. "I was just kidding! I'll explain everything! Just keep the tweezers away!"
"From the top, then?" I asked, with one arm folded skeptically, and another holding the watch on front of my face.
"Sure, sure." it said, in what I would have sworn was a pacifying tone of voice. "Your watch, the Timex. You've worn it for years, right?"
"Yeah, like, the last seven." I said. "Every hour of the day, sans showers."
"And you never thought that such an item would absorb things of yourself?" it asked.
"Come again?" I asked dumbly.
"A wristwatch is a highly personal item." it continued. "It gathers a sort of psychic residue, an echo of your aura. It's what we in the business refer to as a 'talisman'. During the teleport, that residual psychic energy blended together with the database watch, and formed a sort of artificial intelligence, with a personality based on your own, as well as experiences you had while wearing the watch."
"So you're like, Wil Jr.?" Aislin asked, clearly amused.
"In a sense." it said.
"That certainly explains your stubbornness." she said.
"And my in-depth knowledge of all things sci-fi." it agreed.
"Ok, ok. very funny." I said, regaining some conversational control. "But we won't call you 'Wil Jr.'. That's too creepy."
"It's funny, though." Aislin said.
"C'mon, Dad!" it said.
"Don't call me that." I said. "Anyway, you're roughly circular, and have the personality of a trickster. I should know, after all. How's the name 'Puck' strike you?"
"Like a disgruntled baseball team." it said.
"Aww, it inherited your ability to metaphor." Aislin said playfully. "How cute."
"Enough!" I said irritably.
Aislin and Puck giggled slightly. My face darkened slightly, but soon returned to normal.
"Ok, Puck." I said. "If you're a database, tell us where we are."
"We are on Earth." he said. "It is the equivalent of the year 2009 A.D. of your Earth, though these people use a different system."
"Great, a parallel Earth." I said. "With zeppelins. So where are we, London?"
"Indiana, actually. Well, the equivalent. In this world, it's District 23 of the nation of Shiva."
"District 23?" I said dryly. "That's imaginative."
"The Shivans find it practical." Puck assured me. "And they have other ways of being imaginative."
"Torture." Aislin said worriedly.
"Goodness gracious, no." Puck said. "You've seen way too many movies. Besides, it's been illegal for years. Shivan society is actually quite civilized, with a decent political system, high science, and some cracking good art."
"Any idea why we were sent here?" I asked.
"Yes." Puck said.
"So help me, I will buy a set of electrified tweezers if you keep doing that." I said irritably.
"You're here because this is the dimension is the home of the Physical Avatars. With the Physical Avatars, you're supposed to be able to stave off entropy." Puck explained. "Remember why that teleport went so badly? It was because Asgard was destroyed right at the tail end of it. You're lucky to be in one piece."
"Mm." I said. "So, that business with the end of the world?"
"Yup." he said. "Your job."
"Spiffy." I said. "I wonder where the others got to? Aislin needs a nose beep."
"We've been here for a while." said David's voice from nearby. "We just didn't want to interrupt."
"How thoughtful of you." I said flatly.
Deirdre administered a nose beep, and we got to our feet.
"Ok, to-do list." I said. "Puck, take this down, please."
"Recording." he said.
"First up, we get our bearings." I began. "We need to know where we are and how to get around. Puck showed me maps, so I can use my teleporting ability now."
"I can also tap into area wi-fi networks." Puck volunteered.
"What, here?" I asked, my groove interrupted briefly.
"Well, no. We're in a field."
"Right." I said. "Anyway, secondly we need to find the Physical Avatars. Puck, you can help us out with that, yes?"
"Partially." he said. "But records of individuals in the database are somewhat uncommon, as well as notoriously incomplete. I don't know their locations, but I will know them if we see them."
"Good." I said. "Thirdly, we need to figure out how to reverse entropy. We'll need the other four for that. Fifthly and finally, we figure out how to get everyone home. Failing that, we find get one of those airships and live in that."
"You should do that anyway." Puck said. "The airship-getting part, that is. Cars as you know them never became a big thing in this universe. There are only small, unpaved dirt roads leading to and fro, no highways or anything. Most everyone uses airships."
"So, you're saying that instead of roadways, they have skyways, and fly everywhere?" I asked.
"Yes." responded Puck simply.
"I love this dimension." I said, grinning like an idiot.
"What do Shivans use for money?" asked Aislin.
"Small scraps of fabric, originally based on shiny bits of metal, but now with no inherent worth." Puck said. "Oh, wait, that's America."
"Can the editorials, please." Aislin said. "Though that was nicely done."
"Thank you." Puck said. "Shivans use a form of electronic currency. They used to use coins, but with the advent of the Difference Engine in 1789, they figured it'd be easier to just carry pads instead of wallets or coin pouches. Nowadays, they use Trade Padds, utilizing wi-fi and a centralized system."
"Wait, 'difference engine'? 1789? This is a steampunk world, isn't it?" David asked.
"Well, sort of." Puck said. "Much of the technology is similar to that of your world; it just developed differently along different principles."
"So how do we get some of these 'credits' or whatever they're called?" I asked.
"That is what they're called." Puck said. "As for the 'how', just get me close."
"This worries me." I said, but 'ported to Outer Newport anyway, which would be called 'Wauwatosa' in my world.
"There's a bank." Puck said. "Interfacing..."
He kind of whirred, and hummed quietly to himself.
"Ok, done." he said after a brief interval.
"So, who did we rob?" I asked.
"Nobody." he said. "Remember how that one terrorist in 'Ghost in the Shell' funded his ops? It's similar. One just needs processing power beyond that of the human mind."
"Just don't go 'Skynet' on us." I said.
"I promise nothing." he said, well, puckishly.
I made an indelicate sound in response, and said "So, where do we get airships?"
"Here." he said, displaying a map with a blinking red dot. I 'ported us to the location, which wass on the outskirts of town. There was a building which resembles a warehouse on the site, as well as a large glowing sign reading 'Baron Von Zeppelin's', and a large inflatable Prussian noble.
"You have got to be kidding me." I said.
"I guess it's true what they say." noted Aislin. "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
Shaking my head, I start towards the front door. The others follow suit, and we soon reach the interior. One salesman is there, done up like a Prussian king, complete with monocle.
"Is there no pride?" I mutter to myself, before plastering a smile on my face and walking up to him.
"Hi!" I said with hyperbolic cheer. "I'd like to buy an airship!"
"Certainly, my good man!" said the 'Baron'. "What kind are you looking for?"
I started to answer with something dumb like "the flying kind", but Puck beeped in a fair imitation of an alarm, and I excused myself briefly. Puck quickly outlined some specifications, and I turned back to the Baron.
"I'd like a six-person vacationing model with hydrojets and a slush engine." I parroted. Puck made a small sound which resembled applause, and I flicked his screen.
"That's a very expensive model." said the Baron. "I'll need your credit code, to do a check. It's only procedure, we trust our customers!"
Puck beeped again, and displayed the words 'about as far as he could throw you' before changing to a fourteen-digit numeric string. I read off the string to the Baron, who entered it into a nearby terminal. It seemed similar in form factor to an old Apple II, with monitor and keyboard in one unit, but was sleeker. I still got the sense that it was not a shining example of the bleeding edge of information technology, though. The Baron's information came through, and he appeared very surprised. I half expected his monocle to pop out.
"I'll, uh, I'll get that right out." he stammered excitedly, and disappeared into a back room.
"Saw a lot of zeros, did he?" I asked dryly.
"Yep." said Puck. "All salesmen are the same. Show enough zeroes and they just about plotz themselves on order to help."
The Baron returned at this point, and led us outside. A hatch in the ground opened, and a small panel on a pedestal rose up to about chest-height. The Baron keyed in a code, and a larger hatch opened. A reasonably-sized craft appeared on a lift, evidently from some manner of underground warehouse. It looked like a cross between the Avalon from Code Geass and the Highwind from Final Fantasy. The Baron ran a hose over to it, and affixed it to a port on the outside.
"Hydrogen slush feed." Puck explained. "For the engine."
"Slush engine, right." I said, nodding. I had been wondering about that.
The fuel tank began to fill, and the Baron hurried over.
"I've readied the credits for transfer on your authorization." he said. "You'll also need to enter a name."
"A name?" I asked dumbly.
"Unless you want to launch your ship with a stock name." he said doubtfully.
"Of course not." I said. "I'll need to confer with my associates briefly."
He nods deferentially, and I turn to the others.
"I have an idea for a name." I said.
"We're not calling it the Nebuchadnezzar." Aislin declared flatly.
"Of course not. We don't need a constant reminder of just how far down the rabbit hole we are." I said. "My idea is better, anyway. It's fitting, and it's a homage."
I told them my idea, and outlined my reasoning. The others agreed readily. About an hour later, the airship Freyja took off from Baron Von Zeppelin's yard, with the Metaphysical Avatars at the helm. Puck began playing "The Highwind Takes to the Skies", and we all laugh. Our adventures on Earth-2 were just beginning, and our mood was yet cheerful. After all, it's easy to be optimistic when the future appears bright.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Does anyone know how to fly this thing?" I asked, annoyed and alarmed.
"Autopilot is automatically engaged within city limits." Puck said. "It's a lot safer and more efficient than a bunch of meatbags flying around."
"I suppose it is." I said, still not thrilled that Puck had begun using that term. "I'd hate to turn my new ship into the Hindenburg."
"What about outside of city limits?" asked David.
"Autopilot is commonly engaged for flights between cities. People just don't pilot much anymore."
"How uncommonly pragmatic." I observed.
-
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
"So this is a slush engine?" said Aislin. "It looks so... disco."
The slush engine was glowing, and continuously shifting colors. It seemed more like something one would see at a rave than an airship engine.
"Yeah." Deirdre agreed. "Let's check out the kitchen. I'm starving."
"You know how they say that if two people spend enough time together, they begin to pick up each other's quirks?" Aislin asked.
"Yeah." Deirdre said. "So?"
"Nothing, never mind." Aislin said, chuckling inwardly.
"Well, I have noticed that Wil does the whole 'making a point by dropping the topic' thing." Deirdre said. "He even says 'Nothing, never mind' when he does it."
"What's your point?" Aislin asked, her voice ice.
"Nothing beyond that." Deirdre said, and headed for the stairs.
"Wiseass." Aislin said to nobody in particular, and followed Deirdre downward.
-
"Mmm, pudding."
Aislin and Deirdre were seated at a table in one of the forward observation lounges, eating pudding.
"So, we're just leaving Newport, and heading to Chicago, right?" Deirdre asked.
"Assuming that it's called Chicago." Aislin said. "After all, 'Milwaukee' is called 'Newport' here."
"I kinda wonder what the world map looks like for this planet." Deirdre said.
"Me too." said Aislin. "Huh. I have an idea about that. Let's go find Wil."
-
Deirdre waves her hand in front of Wil's face, which stays in its 'demented grin' position.
"He's been like that ever since we found this room." David explained. "It is an awesome room, and it seems to have overloaded his brain or something."
"Well, he just bought his own airship, and discovered that it has a room that's a cross between a 'Glass Room' and a computer lounge, with the windows as screens." Aislin said. "I'm surprised he didn't faint again."
"Point." David said. "But I can't get him to respond, either."
"Stand back." Aislin said. "I'm going to try science."
Everyone stands back, and Aislin stands next to Wil, points at the far wall, and exclaims "Is that a demonic duck of some sort?"
"What? Where?" I said.
"Obscure Internet humor." she said. "Works every time."
"I wasn't that out of it..." I protested lamely.
"Whatever." she said. "Can you ask Puck a question?"
"Yup." I said, raising my wrist. "Talk to the watch."
"Right..." she said. "Anyway. Puck? You there?"
"No, you's on second." he says.
"Dammit, Puck." she said.
"Please specify deity and target." he said.
"Wait, really?" she asked surprisedly.
"No." Puck responded. "What do you want?"
Briefly annoyed, she continued. "Can you display a globe map of this planet?"
"Geographical, geopolitical, or topographical display?" he asked.
"Geopolitical, if you would."
A slowly rotating globe appears on the window in front of us, and national borders appear, soon followed by labels.
"This is the nation of Shiva. There are also the nations of Europa, Alexandria, Romeria, Austere, and the Indies." Puck began to narrate. "No wars are currently going on, but minor skirmishes happen every so often. However, the current geopolitical landscape is peaceful."
"World peace." I said. "Cool."
"It's only slightly more peaceful than your own world, Wil." Puck said. "But really, that's not saying much."
"I suppose it isn't." I said.
The following morning, I woke up at about 8:30. The Freyja had arrived at Chicago the previous afternoon, and we had put it into the equivalent of a 'parking orbit', cruising along the streets without a specific destination. There were docking facilities, of course, but it was still Chicago. Actual parking was improbable. I roused myself, and traveled up to the command deck, and check out the skyline from the bridge. After a short time, a sound known to both sailors and Trekkies alike echoed across the bridge. Never having heard it in person, however, I was momentarily startled. I may have uttered some atypical oaths, as our friendly neighborhood A.I. responded "I'd prefer you pronounce my name as 'Puck', and as for the 'what the', it's an incoming call."
"Call, or hail?" I asked.
"Fungible." he said. "Shall I pipe it through?"
"Sure." I said. "But if this is a telemarketer, I'm confiscating your RAM."
"Hello?" said the voice of a youngish woman. "Is this the airship Freyja?"
"Yes, it is." I said guardedly. "Who's calling?"
"I'm secretary to the CEO of Donatello Industries. Please hold while I connect you."
"Um, okay..." I said, and was bathed in hold muzak. Moments later, a male voice that held no more years than mine said "Hello. I am Niccolo Donatello, CEO of Donatello Industries. You are William Mikhail Zurn, Avatar of Order, and native of Earth-1."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"I know because I must." he said. "You see, I am the Avatar of Fire, known as the Magus of Eternal Flame."
"Ah." I said. "We've been looking for you."
"Of course you were." Niccolo said. "But we have been looking for you for far longer. The primary mission of Donatello Industries is to locate and contact the Metaphysical Avatars, as well as help facilitate the next step. Please meet with me and my associates in three day's time at our headquarters in Potomac."
"We'll see you there." I said, and ended the call. "Puck?"
"He is the Avatar." said Puck.
"What, you could tell from his voice?" I asked skeptically.
"Well, that and the information I found on the Internet." Puck said.
"Ah."
---------------------------------------------------------
Immediately afterward, at Donatello Industries Headquarters...
"Well, it seems that the Metaphysical Avatars will be here soon." Niccolo observes smugly. "With their help, we'll soon have our colleagues here. All of them."
He pours a bit of brandy from a crystal bottle on a shelf into a goblet, and flashes an evil grin towards three force cages on a far wall. One contained a sullen-looking man, the second a furious Alexandrian woman. The third stood empty, and almost looked foreboding.
In an accent straight out of St. Petersburg, the Alexandrian shouted "You'll never get your filthy hands on Elia!"
With a dismissive chuckle, Donatello followed up by saying "The Metaphysicals have no reason to suspect me, and Elia is but one woman. The simple truth is that you can't stop me."
With a cocky shrug, he left the room.
-----------------------------------------------------
Six hours later, on the Freyja bridge:
"How did he know?"
I turned to look at Aislin, who had spoken fron the pilot's seat.
"What?" I asked.
"How did that Donatello fellow know we were here, and who we are? I mean, there was that whole 'I know because I must' thing, but that's almost the exact opposite of an answer."
"I'm not sure." I answered. "Puck was pretty sure that he was the Avatar of Fire. But this does seem a bit convenient, and it definitely doesn't quite add up. It's not like we have any other leads to the Physicals, though. We'll just have to play this by ear."
"And keep our guard up." she points out.
"Aislin, I never let mine down." I said seriously.
"Probably wise." she concurred.
Two hours later, above Pittsburgh:
"Whoa, what the frak!?" I shouted, alarmed. "Full stop! Very, very soon! Like, two minutes ago!"
"You had me at 'full stop', Wil." said Puck, who was interfacing with the navigation systems. "Now what's the emergency?"
"There's a giant wall in front of us!" I said. "Can't you see it?"
"No, I can't. Which is odd..." he said, puzzled. "What about you all?"
We had dropped into a habit of taking shifts on the bridge while in flight to other cities. It seemed only proper to have someone at the pilot's seat, after all. By some quirk of fate, this little incident took place as we were switching shifts, so we were all present when it happened.
"I see a big frickin' wall." David said.
"Me too." Deirdre said.
"Ayyep." Aislin concurred.
"Interesting. While I don't see a wall, I am reading a great deal of Elemental energy directly ahead." said Puck.
"Which element?" I asked.
"Water."
As he said that, the 'wall' shifted form into the face of a woman no older than 20 Earth years. Her eyes were blue, as was her hair. The floating face then spoke.
"Hello. I am Elia Terranova. I am the Avatar of Water. I sent this illusion spell to locate you and deliver a warning. Niccolo Donatello is an evil man. He has captured my friends, the other Avatars, and seeks to capture me as well. He will try to conceal this from you, and enlist your help in recapturing me. Go see him if you must, but please believe me when I say that if you enter Donatello Industries, you will leave only on his terms. I can say no more until we meet in person. I realize you have exactly as much reason to trust my word as you do his, but I have no other recourse. If you believe me, come to Liberty Park in Potomac. I will know if you arrive, so don't worry about the 'when'. Forgive the melodrama, but you truly are my only hope."
And with that statement, Elia Terranova's illusory head shimmered out of existence.
"Well, there's a hell of a choice." David observed. "Do we rescue the Princess, or risk getting Bowser'd?"
"I'd say both." I said.
People gave me strange looks, so I elaborated a bit.
"I can teleport myself and one other person to Liberty Park, provided Puck provides coordinates. The other two can stay on the ship in case things go south with Elia, and also to keep up appearances in case Niccolo goes Bowser on us."
"I'll go with Wil." Aislin volunteered.
"Thank you, I'll need your help." I said. "Puck? Coordinates?"
"Here you go!" he said cheerily, putting the required info onscreen.
"Right." I said, grasping Aislin's hand for the teleport. "Here goes nothing!"
"Watch your caboose, Dix." David quipped referentially.
"And come back safely." Deirdre added.
And so, with a smile and a nod, I 'ported out to Liberty Park.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two seconds or so later, in Downtown Potomac:
"Why's it so dark?" Aislin asked.
"I think we landed in another cupboard or something." I said, and groped around blindly until I found a door catch. I opened the door, and we stepped out into the bright Potomac sun.
"Yeah, 'or something'." Aislin said sourly, pointing.
I turned, and noticed that we had just stepped out of a public outdoor restroom.
"Great." I said, equally sourly. "I wonder where that Elia person is."
"She said she'd know if we came." Aislin reminded me. "I say we wait."
And wait we did. Ten minutes or so later, a hooded figure walked into the park. I gave Aislin a subtle nudge with my elbow, and we keep an eye on them. The hooded figure checked a device on their wrist, and walked over to where we were seated. I tensed up a bit, and sensed that Aislin had done the same. Then the hooded person spoke.
"I'm Elia Terranova." she said, lowering her hood. "I'm glad you came."
"It was no problem." I said, relaxing slightly. "Is the hair because of the Avatar thing?"
"No, it's because of dye." she said. "But where are the others? And how did you get here so quickly?"
"The others are still on our ship." Aislin said. "Wil teleported us here so we could check out your story before we do anything... rash."
"Teleportation? That's cool." Elia said, impressed.
"Yeah, it is a bit." I said. "Anyway, we should get on with why we're here."
"Yes, quite." Elia said. "Walk with me. It'll make it hard for anyone to listen in."
"Cloak and dagger much?" I asked.
"I'd rather not see any daggers, personally." Aislin said. "Let's roll with it."
"Whatever." I said.
We start walking around the park, in no particular direction.
"Ok, I'll tell you what I know." Elia said. "Let's see, where to begin..."
"At the beginning." Aislin suggested.
"If there is such a thing." I added.
"Right, of course." Elia said. "I suppose the beginning of the story would be the founding of Donatello Industries, four years ago. It was just us four back then, Niccolo, Peter, Darya, and myself. We had more enthusiasm than sense back then, but Niccolo had some very clever ideas for gadgetry. We figured we could make money by selling them, so we started up a company. The name 'Donatello Industries' was actually chosen to be ironic. We mainly operated out of Peter's garage for the first year or so, so adding the 'Industries' bit was pure silliness. But people really liked the gadgets we built, and over a period of months, we actually became a company worthy of the name. We moved our head offices to the spot that they're at currently about six months ago. It was also about that time that we received an odd visitor. He introduced himself as Mordred, and he told us that we were the 'Avatars of the Physical'. It sounds mad, but we had been noticing oddities, and he made a lot of sense. He explained planar metaphysics to us, and told us about our elements. Niccolo's title is the Magus of Eternal Flame, Peter was called Knight of the Earthen Realm, Darya was named the Kirin of Ephemeral Air, and I the Maiden of Infinite Ice. I found that I could manipulate water, form ice beams, and other ice forms. My real talent was in illusions, however. I believe you saw some of my work already. Niccolo could control fire to a very fine degree, and could produce flame in spheres as well as streams. Darya found that she was quite adept at influencing the weather, and lensing air into shield forms. Peter could do things with soil that could best be described as miraculous. He once showed me a seed that he planted, and made it grow into a fully adult plant in minutes! It was a truly remarkable time for all of us. Mordred began giving us lessons, but after a few days, began meeting only with Niccolo. I should have seen something at that point, but I suppose I was too excited at my new found abilities. I should have said something."
She started to become upset, but we were just getting to the important part. We paused near a fountain, and I put my hand on her shoulder. She seemed to calm down a bit, and continued her story.
"It was after Niccolo began getting 'private lessons' from Mordred that he began to change. He started talking about how our power made us better than other people. How we should rule over them as gods. How we not only had the ability, but the responsibility to take action. He always was somewhat displeased with our society, so I guess we figured he was just letting off steam. Three days ago, that theory was shot rather completely to Hell. He attacked us, saying that if we didn't actively help him ascend to Godhood and rule over the world, we would only be in his way. We were in his office at the time, he had called us there. Peter tried to calm him down, but Niccolo hit him with a fireblast. Darya tackled him, and shouted for me to run. I took his laptop and jumped out the window, forming a crude ice ramp on the way down. God, I hope they're okay..."
She started sobbing, and I suspected that the events of that day and those since were only now making a full impact. We sat on a bench near a duck pond, and said nothing for a short while. After a bit, Aislin broke the silence.
"What about the computer?" she asked. "Did it have any useful information?"
"I couldn't see." Elia responded. "I don't know his password."
"Sounds like a job for William Mikhail Zurn, Ubergeek Extraordinaire!" I said with exaggerated pomp, to try to ease the mood slightly.
Elia produced the computer, which looked like a tablet PC, but a great deal sleeker. I turned it on, and it asked for a password. I thought for a moment, and was struck by a thought. I tried a password that had come to me, and got access.
"What was the password?" Elia asked.
"Entropy." I said.
"Well, that's not ominous." Aislin said dryly.
I took a few minutes to figure out the file system, and poked through its contents. After about an hour or so, we finished reading. Elia had gone over to feed the ducks. I suppose she didn't want to invade his privacy or something. Anyway, she turned and walked back over when I vocalized my reaction.
"Oh, not good."
"What is it?" Elia asked.
"Mostly, it's propaganda from a group called the 'Entropists'." I summed up. "But there's also some rather specific instructions on how to make a device, that when powered by the Avatars will simply destroy the Multiverse."
"Simply?" Aislin asked.
"Well, yes, actually." I explained. "It creates a sort of 'feedback' in the Planes. See, according to this information, the Planar Essences continually flow into a vast 'mechanism' called the Planar Forge. That's the thing that 'distills the essences of the planes'. This device would severely restrict the flow of Essence, eventually cutting it off. And without the flow of Essence, the Multiverse just kind of dries up."
"Ok, that's bad." Aislin said.
"Yeah." I said. "We should do something about it."
"But what can we do?" Elia asked.
"I'm not sure." I said. "But we shouldn't do anything rash. That would just make things worse, which, albeit, is kind of hard to imagine."
Suddenly, Puck started beeping urgently, and a largeish number of armed men surrounded us, and two helicopters hovered overhead. A third started booming commands from a megaphone.
"Surrender immediately, or you will be killed!" it said.
We raised our hands in the universal gesture of surrender. As we were led into one of the helicopters, Aislin muttered to me.
"You just had to go and taunt Murphy, didn't you?"
"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed in pain. Noting that my voice worked properly, I dropped my usual inhibitions and let loose a string of obscenities that would have gotten me arrested in several Southern states. I closed my eyes briefly, and when I reopened them, I saw Deirdre staring down at me.
"Good morning, Sunshine!" she said with faux cheeriness.
"Gyahh.." I said, half-startled.
"Still hurting from that teleport?" she asked.
"No, it feels all better." I said. "Except for the parts that are attached to me. Have you seen my spleen anywhere?"
"It's over there, by your pride and your dignity." she said. I groaned. She bent over and beeped my nose. "Now come on, we oughta find the others!" she said, running off.
"But, pain..." I began to protest, but soon realized that I had sat up during the very same protest."Nose beep!" I said declaratively, remembering Deirdre's healing powers. Feeling better, I got up and dashed off after Deirdre. However, I'm soon flat on my face again with a shout of "waagh!". This was not my day. The object on the ground that had snagged my foot said "Ow! What the hell!", and I saw that it was Aislin. I quickly apologised and rolled off of her, finishing with an 'ow' on behalf of my knees.
"So." I said gamely. "How's things?"
"I think I misplaced my spleen." she said.
"I know how you feel." I said, nodding. "Have you seen Deirdre?"
"Not since we landed." Aislin said.
"She must be looking to beep David's nose." I postulated.
Aislin regarded me oddly, and I explained. "In order to heal him."
"Huh."
A bit of time passes silently, and finally, Aislin says "Does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"
"A bit." I said. "And that one resembles a dragon."
"That looks like a zeppelin." she said.
"What? No, see there's the wings..." I began, but soon noticed the distinctive form of a large balloon with a gondola and propellors.
"Oh, now I see it." I said lamely. "Yep, definitely a zeppelin."
"Time travel?" Aislin suggested.
"Maybe." I said. "But unless the pocket dimension of Asgard was a grassy plain with zeppelins in a past life, I think 'alternate dimension' is more likely."
"That doesn't rule out time travel." Aislin pointed out.
"I never said it did." I said. "I wonder how we could find out?"
"We could ask the natives." Aislin suggested.
"Sure." I said sarcastically. "How do you do, sir. We're the Avatars of the Metaphysical planes of the Multiverse, can you tell us which dimension this is?"
Aislin scowls at me, and I feel chagrined. "Sorry." I said. "Bad interdimensional teleportation makes me cranky."
"Evidently." she said. "We do need information, though. How do you suggest we come by it?"
I was about to admit that I really had no idea, when my watch said "Well, you could try asking me."
"Did your watch just talk?" Aislin asked.
"Uh-huh." I said dumbly.
"Has it done this before?" she asked.
"Uh-uh." I said, just as dumbly.
"Remember back on Asgard? Right before Freyja teleported you out, she produced a wrist mounted database." said my watch.
"Yes, I recall that." I said.
"During the teleport, its systems were fused with your wrist chronometer, resulting in little old me." It continued.
"But how would a database and a regular timepiece fuse into something with a personality?" Aislin asked.
"Who's to say I have a personality?" my watch asked.
"I do." responded Aislin. "If you were just a talking computer, you'd have just said 'insufficient data' or something."
"Clever." it said. "Very clever."
"You know, for a database, it's awfully reluctant to give out information." I said. "Aislin?"
"Hmm?"
"Didn't you mention once that your uncle was a watchmaker?" I asked, winking. "Not Niel, the other one."
"Yeah." she responded, playing along. "He taught me a lot about picking apart small timepieces."
"I hear they're easy to break." I said, pretending to ignore my watch. "Even winding them too much can cause them to stop ticking forever."
"Yeah, they make such sounds when damaged." she said, suppressing a chuckle. "Almost like they're screaming."
"Gaah! Ok, ok!" exclaimed my watch. "I was just kidding! I'll explain everything! Just keep the tweezers away!"
"From the top, then?" I asked, with one arm folded skeptically, and another holding the watch on front of my face.
"Sure, sure." it said, in what I would have sworn was a pacifying tone of voice. "Your watch, the Timex. You've worn it for years, right?"
"Yeah, like, the last seven." I said. "Every hour of the day, sans showers."
"And you never thought that such an item would absorb things of yourself?" it asked.
"Come again?" I asked dumbly.
"A wristwatch is a highly personal item." it continued. "It gathers a sort of psychic residue, an echo of your aura. It's what we in the business refer to as a 'talisman'. During the teleport, that residual psychic energy blended together with the database watch, and formed a sort of artificial intelligence, with a personality based on your own, as well as experiences you had while wearing the watch."
"So you're like, Wil Jr.?" Aislin asked, clearly amused.
"In a sense." it said.
"That certainly explains your stubbornness." she said.
"And my in-depth knowledge of all things sci-fi." it agreed.
"Ok, ok. very funny." I said, regaining some conversational control. "But we won't call you 'Wil Jr.'. That's too creepy."
"It's funny, though." Aislin said.
"C'mon, Dad!" it said.
"Don't call me that." I said. "Anyway, you're roughly circular, and have the personality of a trickster. I should know, after all. How's the name 'Puck' strike you?"
"Like a disgruntled baseball team." it said.
"Aww, it inherited your ability to metaphor." Aislin said playfully. "How cute."
"Enough!" I said irritably.
Aislin and Puck giggled slightly. My face darkened slightly, but soon returned to normal.
"Ok, Puck." I said. "If you're a database, tell us where we are."
"We are on Earth." he said. "It is the equivalent of the year 2009 A.D. of your Earth, though these people use a different system."
"Great, a parallel Earth." I said. "With zeppelins. So where are we, London?"
"Indiana, actually. Well, the equivalent. In this world, it's District 23 of the nation of Shiva."
"District 23?" I said dryly. "That's imaginative."
"The Shivans find it practical." Puck assured me. "And they have other ways of being imaginative."
"Torture." Aislin said worriedly.
"Goodness gracious, no." Puck said. "You've seen way too many movies. Besides, it's been illegal for years. Shivan society is actually quite civilized, with a decent political system, high science, and some cracking good art."
"Any idea why we were sent here?" I asked.
"Yes." Puck said.
"So help me, I will buy a set of electrified tweezers if you keep doing that." I said irritably.
"You're here because this is the dimension is the home of the Physical Avatars. With the Physical Avatars, you're supposed to be able to stave off entropy." Puck explained. "Remember why that teleport went so badly? It was because Asgard was destroyed right at the tail end of it. You're lucky to be in one piece."
"Mm." I said. "So, that business with the end of the world?"
"Yup." he said. "Your job."
"Spiffy." I said. "I wonder where the others got to? Aislin needs a nose beep."
"We've been here for a while." said David's voice from nearby. "We just didn't want to interrupt."
"How thoughtful of you." I said flatly.
Deirdre administered a nose beep, and we got to our feet.
"Ok, to-do list." I said. "Puck, take this down, please."
"Recording." he said.
"First up, we get our bearings." I began. "We need to know where we are and how to get around. Puck showed me maps, so I can use my teleporting ability now."
"I can also tap into area wi-fi networks." Puck volunteered.
"What, here?" I asked, my groove interrupted briefly.
"Well, no. We're in a field."
"Right." I said. "Anyway, secondly we need to find the Physical Avatars. Puck, you can help us out with that, yes?"
"Partially." he said. "But records of individuals in the database are somewhat uncommon, as well as notoriously incomplete. I don't know their locations, but I will know them if we see them."
"Good." I said. "Thirdly, we need to figure out how to reverse entropy. We'll need the other four for that. Fifthly and finally, we figure out how to get everyone home. Failing that, we find get one of those airships and live in that."
"You should do that anyway." Puck said. "The airship-getting part, that is. Cars as you know them never became a big thing in this universe. There are only small, unpaved dirt roads leading to and fro, no highways or anything. Most everyone uses airships."
"So, you're saying that instead of roadways, they have skyways, and fly everywhere?" I asked.
"Yes." responded Puck simply.
"I love this dimension." I said, grinning like an idiot.
"What do Shivans use for money?" asked Aislin.
"Small scraps of fabric, originally based on shiny bits of metal, but now with no inherent worth." Puck said. "Oh, wait, that's America."
"Can the editorials, please." Aislin said. "Though that was nicely done."
"Thank you." Puck said. "Shivans use a form of electronic currency. They used to use coins, but with the advent of the Difference Engine in 1789, they figured it'd be easier to just carry pads instead of wallets or coin pouches. Nowadays, they use Trade Padds, utilizing wi-fi and a centralized system."
"Wait, 'difference engine'? 1789? This is a steampunk world, isn't it?" David asked.
"Well, sort of." Puck said. "Much of the technology is similar to that of your world; it just developed differently along different principles."
"So how do we get some of these 'credits' or whatever they're called?" I asked.
"That is what they're called." Puck said. "As for the 'how', just get me close."
"This worries me." I said, but 'ported to Outer Newport anyway, which would be called 'Wauwatosa' in my world.
"There's a bank." Puck said. "Interfacing..."
He kind of whirred, and hummed quietly to himself.
"Ok, done." he said after a brief interval.
"So, who did we rob?" I asked.
"Nobody." he said. "Remember how that one terrorist in 'Ghost in the Shell' funded his ops? It's similar. One just needs processing power beyond that of the human mind."
"Just don't go 'Skynet' on us." I said.
"I promise nothing." he said, well, puckishly.
I made an indelicate sound in response, and said "So, where do we get airships?"
"Here." he said, displaying a map with a blinking red dot. I 'ported us to the location, which wass on the outskirts of town. There was a building which resembles a warehouse on the site, as well as a large glowing sign reading 'Baron Von Zeppelin's', and a large inflatable Prussian noble.
"You have got to be kidding me." I said.
"I guess it's true what they say." noted Aislin. "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
Shaking my head, I start towards the front door. The others follow suit, and we soon reach the interior. One salesman is there, done up like a Prussian king, complete with monocle.
"Is there no pride?" I mutter to myself, before plastering a smile on my face and walking up to him.
"Hi!" I said with hyperbolic cheer. "I'd like to buy an airship!"
"Certainly, my good man!" said the 'Baron'. "What kind are you looking for?"
I started to answer with something dumb like "the flying kind", but Puck beeped in a fair imitation of an alarm, and I excused myself briefly. Puck quickly outlined some specifications, and I turned back to the Baron.
"I'd like a six-person vacationing model with hydrojets and a slush engine." I parroted. Puck made a small sound which resembled applause, and I flicked his screen.
"That's a very expensive model." said the Baron. "I'll need your credit code, to do a check. It's only procedure, we trust our customers!"
Puck beeped again, and displayed the words 'about as far as he could throw you' before changing to a fourteen-digit numeric string. I read off the string to the Baron, who entered it into a nearby terminal. It seemed similar in form factor to an old Apple II, with monitor and keyboard in one unit, but was sleeker. I still got the sense that it was not a shining example of the bleeding edge of information technology, though. The Baron's information came through, and he appeared very surprised. I half expected his monocle to pop out.
"I'll, uh, I'll get that right out." he stammered excitedly, and disappeared into a back room.
"Saw a lot of zeros, did he?" I asked dryly.
"Yep." said Puck. "All salesmen are the same. Show enough zeroes and they just about plotz themselves on order to help."
The Baron returned at this point, and led us outside. A hatch in the ground opened, and a small panel on a pedestal rose up to about chest-height. The Baron keyed in a code, and a larger hatch opened. A reasonably-sized craft appeared on a lift, evidently from some manner of underground warehouse. It looked like a cross between the Avalon from Code Geass and the Highwind from Final Fantasy. The Baron ran a hose over to it, and affixed it to a port on the outside.
"Hydrogen slush feed." Puck explained. "For the engine."
"Slush engine, right." I said, nodding. I had been wondering about that.
The fuel tank began to fill, and the Baron hurried over.
"I've readied the credits for transfer on your authorization." he said. "You'll also need to enter a name."
"A name?" I asked dumbly.
"Unless you want to launch your ship with a stock name." he said doubtfully.
"Of course not." I said. "I'll need to confer with my associates briefly."
He nods deferentially, and I turn to the others.
"I have an idea for a name." I said.
"We're not calling it the Nebuchadnezzar." Aislin declared flatly.
"Of course not. We don't need a constant reminder of just how far down the rabbit hole we are." I said. "My idea is better, anyway. It's fitting, and it's a homage."
I told them my idea, and outlined my reasoning. The others agreed readily. About an hour later, the airship Freyja took off from Baron Von Zeppelin's yard, with the Metaphysical Avatars at the helm. Puck began playing "The Highwind Takes to the Skies", and we all laugh. Our adventures on Earth-2 were just beginning, and our mood was yet cheerful. After all, it's easy to be optimistic when the future appears bright.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Does anyone know how to fly this thing?" I asked, annoyed and alarmed.
"Autopilot is automatically engaged within city limits." Puck said. "It's a lot safer and more efficient than a bunch of meatbags flying around."
"I suppose it is." I said, still not thrilled that Puck had begun using that term. "I'd hate to turn my new ship into the Hindenburg."
"What about outside of city limits?" asked David.
"Autopilot is commonly engaged for flights between cities. People just don't pilot much anymore."
"How uncommonly pragmatic." I observed.
-
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
"So this is a slush engine?" said Aislin. "It looks so... disco."
The slush engine was glowing, and continuously shifting colors. It seemed more like something one would see at a rave than an airship engine.
"Yeah." Deirdre agreed. "Let's check out the kitchen. I'm starving."
"You know how they say that if two people spend enough time together, they begin to pick up each other's quirks?" Aislin asked.
"Yeah." Deirdre said. "So?"
"Nothing, never mind." Aislin said, chuckling inwardly.
"Well, I have noticed that Wil does the whole 'making a point by dropping the topic' thing." Deirdre said. "He even says 'Nothing, never mind' when he does it."
"What's your point?" Aislin asked, her voice ice.
"Nothing beyond that." Deirdre said, and headed for the stairs.
"Wiseass." Aislin said to nobody in particular, and followed Deirdre downward.
-
"Mmm, pudding."
Aislin and Deirdre were seated at a table in one of the forward observation lounges, eating pudding.
"So, we're just leaving Newport, and heading to Chicago, right?" Deirdre asked.
"Assuming that it's called Chicago." Aislin said. "After all, 'Milwaukee' is called 'Newport' here."
"I kinda wonder what the world map looks like for this planet." Deirdre said.
"Me too." said Aislin. "Huh. I have an idea about that. Let's go find Wil."
-
Deirdre waves her hand in front of Wil's face, which stays in its 'demented grin' position.
"He's been like that ever since we found this room." David explained. "It is an awesome room, and it seems to have overloaded his brain or something."
"Well, he just bought his own airship, and discovered that it has a room that's a cross between a 'Glass Room' and a computer lounge, with the windows as screens." Aislin said. "I'm surprised he didn't faint again."
"Point." David said. "But I can't get him to respond, either."
"Stand back." Aislin said. "I'm going to try science."
Everyone stands back, and Aislin stands next to Wil, points at the far wall, and exclaims "Is that a demonic duck of some sort?"
"What? Where?" I said.
"Obscure Internet humor." she said. "Works every time."
"I wasn't that out of it..." I protested lamely.
"Whatever." she said. "Can you ask Puck a question?"
"Yup." I said, raising my wrist. "Talk to the watch."
"Right..." she said. "Anyway. Puck? You there?"
"No, you's on second." he says.
"Dammit, Puck." she said.
"Please specify deity and target." he said.
"Wait, really?" she asked surprisedly.
"No." Puck responded. "What do you want?"
Briefly annoyed, she continued. "Can you display a globe map of this planet?"
"Geographical, geopolitical, or topographical display?" he asked.
"Geopolitical, if you would."
A slowly rotating globe appears on the window in front of us, and national borders appear, soon followed by labels.
"This is the nation of Shiva. There are also the nations of Europa, Alexandria, Romeria, Austere, and the Indies." Puck began to narrate. "No wars are currently going on, but minor skirmishes happen every so often. However, the current geopolitical landscape is peaceful."
"World peace." I said. "Cool."
"It's only slightly more peaceful than your own world, Wil." Puck said. "But really, that's not saying much."
"I suppose it isn't." I said.
The following morning, I woke up at about 8:30. The Freyja had arrived at Chicago the previous afternoon, and we had put it into the equivalent of a 'parking orbit', cruising along the streets without a specific destination. There were docking facilities, of course, but it was still Chicago. Actual parking was improbable. I roused myself, and traveled up to the command deck, and check out the skyline from the bridge. After a short time, a sound known to both sailors and Trekkies alike echoed across the bridge. Never having heard it in person, however, I was momentarily startled. I may have uttered some atypical oaths, as our friendly neighborhood A.I. responded "I'd prefer you pronounce my name as 'Puck', and as for the 'what the', it's an incoming call."
"Call, or hail?" I asked.
"Fungible." he said. "Shall I pipe it through?"
"Sure." I said. "But if this is a telemarketer, I'm confiscating your RAM."
"Hello?" said the voice of a youngish woman. "Is this the airship Freyja?"
"Yes, it is." I said guardedly. "Who's calling?"
"I'm secretary to the CEO of Donatello Industries. Please hold while I connect you."
"Um, okay..." I said, and was bathed in hold muzak. Moments later, a male voice that held no more years than mine said "Hello. I am Niccolo Donatello, CEO of Donatello Industries. You are William Mikhail Zurn, Avatar of Order, and native of Earth-1."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"I know because I must." he said. "You see, I am the Avatar of Fire, known as the Magus of Eternal Flame."
"Ah." I said. "We've been looking for you."
"Of course you were." Niccolo said. "But we have been looking for you for far longer. The primary mission of Donatello Industries is to locate and contact the Metaphysical Avatars, as well as help facilitate the next step. Please meet with me and my associates in three day's time at our headquarters in Potomac."
"We'll see you there." I said, and ended the call. "Puck?"
"He is the Avatar." said Puck.
"What, you could tell from his voice?" I asked skeptically.
"Well, that and the information I found on the Internet." Puck said.
"Ah."
---------------------------------------------------------
Immediately afterward, at Donatello Industries Headquarters...
"Well, it seems that the Metaphysical Avatars will be here soon." Niccolo observes smugly. "With their help, we'll soon have our colleagues here. All of them."
He pours a bit of brandy from a crystal bottle on a shelf into a goblet, and flashes an evil grin towards three force cages on a far wall. One contained a sullen-looking man, the second a furious Alexandrian woman. The third stood empty, and almost looked foreboding.
In an accent straight out of St. Petersburg, the Alexandrian shouted "You'll never get your filthy hands on Elia!"
With a dismissive chuckle, Donatello followed up by saying "The Metaphysicals have no reason to suspect me, and Elia is but one woman. The simple truth is that you can't stop me."
With a cocky shrug, he left the room.
-----------------------------------------------------
Six hours later, on the Freyja bridge:
"How did he know?"
I turned to look at Aislin, who had spoken fron the pilot's seat.
"What?" I asked.
"How did that Donatello fellow know we were here, and who we are? I mean, there was that whole 'I know because I must' thing, but that's almost the exact opposite of an answer."
"I'm not sure." I answered. "Puck was pretty sure that he was the Avatar of Fire. But this does seem a bit convenient, and it definitely doesn't quite add up. It's not like we have any other leads to the Physicals, though. We'll just have to play this by ear."
"And keep our guard up." she points out.
"Aislin, I never let mine down." I said seriously.
"Probably wise." she concurred.
Two hours later, above Pittsburgh:
"Whoa, what the frak!?" I shouted, alarmed. "Full stop! Very, very soon! Like, two minutes ago!"
"You had me at 'full stop', Wil." said Puck, who was interfacing with the navigation systems. "Now what's the emergency?"
"There's a giant wall in front of us!" I said. "Can't you see it?"
"No, I can't. Which is odd..." he said, puzzled. "What about you all?"
We had dropped into a habit of taking shifts on the bridge while in flight to other cities. It seemed only proper to have someone at the pilot's seat, after all. By some quirk of fate, this little incident took place as we were switching shifts, so we were all present when it happened.
"I see a big frickin' wall." David said.
"Me too." Deirdre said.
"Ayyep." Aislin concurred.
"Interesting. While I don't see a wall, I am reading a great deal of Elemental energy directly ahead." said Puck.
"Which element?" I asked.
"Water."
As he said that, the 'wall' shifted form into the face of a woman no older than 20 Earth years. Her eyes were blue, as was her hair. The floating face then spoke.
"Hello. I am Elia Terranova. I am the Avatar of Water. I sent this illusion spell to locate you and deliver a warning. Niccolo Donatello is an evil man. He has captured my friends, the other Avatars, and seeks to capture me as well. He will try to conceal this from you, and enlist your help in recapturing me. Go see him if you must, but please believe me when I say that if you enter Donatello Industries, you will leave only on his terms. I can say no more until we meet in person. I realize you have exactly as much reason to trust my word as you do his, but I have no other recourse. If you believe me, come to Liberty Park in Potomac. I will know if you arrive, so don't worry about the 'when'. Forgive the melodrama, but you truly are my only hope."
And with that statement, Elia Terranova's illusory head shimmered out of existence.
"Well, there's a hell of a choice." David observed. "Do we rescue the Princess, or risk getting Bowser'd?"
"I'd say both." I said.
People gave me strange looks, so I elaborated a bit.
"I can teleport myself and one other person to Liberty Park, provided Puck provides coordinates. The other two can stay on the ship in case things go south with Elia, and also to keep up appearances in case Niccolo goes Bowser on us."
"I'll go with Wil." Aislin volunteered.
"Thank you, I'll need your help." I said. "Puck? Coordinates?"
"Here you go!" he said cheerily, putting the required info onscreen.
"Right." I said, grasping Aislin's hand for the teleport. "Here goes nothing!"
"Watch your caboose, Dix." David quipped referentially.
"And come back safely." Deirdre added.
And so, with a smile and a nod, I 'ported out to Liberty Park.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two seconds or so later, in Downtown Potomac:
"Why's it so dark?" Aislin asked.
"I think we landed in another cupboard or something." I said, and groped around blindly until I found a door catch. I opened the door, and we stepped out into the bright Potomac sun.
"Yeah, 'or something'." Aislin said sourly, pointing.
I turned, and noticed that we had just stepped out of a public outdoor restroom.
"Great." I said, equally sourly. "I wonder where that Elia person is."
"She said she'd know if we came." Aislin reminded me. "I say we wait."
And wait we did. Ten minutes or so later, a hooded figure walked into the park. I gave Aislin a subtle nudge with my elbow, and we keep an eye on them. The hooded figure checked a device on their wrist, and walked over to where we were seated. I tensed up a bit, and sensed that Aislin had done the same. Then the hooded person spoke.
"I'm Elia Terranova." she said, lowering her hood. "I'm glad you came."
"It was no problem." I said, relaxing slightly. "Is the hair because of the Avatar thing?"
"No, it's because of dye." she said. "But where are the others? And how did you get here so quickly?"
"The others are still on our ship." Aislin said. "Wil teleported us here so we could check out your story before we do anything... rash."
"Teleportation? That's cool." Elia said, impressed.
"Yeah, it is a bit." I said. "Anyway, we should get on with why we're here."
"Yes, quite." Elia said. "Walk with me. It'll make it hard for anyone to listen in."
"Cloak and dagger much?" I asked.
"I'd rather not see any daggers, personally." Aislin said. "Let's roll with it."
"Whatever." I said.
We start walking around the park, in no particular direction.
"Ok, I'll tell you what I know." Elia said. "Let's see, where to begin..."
"At the beginning." Aislin suggested.
"If there is such a thing." I added.
"Right, of course." Elia said. "I suppose the beginning of the story would be the founding of Donatello Industries, four years ago. It was just us four back then, Niccolo, Peter, Darya, and myself. We had more enthusiasm than sense back then, but Niccolo had some very clever ideas for gadgetry. We figured we could make money by selling them, so we started up a company. The name 'Donatello Industries' was actually chosen to be ironic. We mainly operated out of Peter's garage for the first year or so, so adding the 'Industries' bit was pure silliness. But people really liked the gadgets we built, and over a period of months, we actually became a company worthy of the name. We moved our head offices to the spot that they're at currently about six months ago. It was also about that time that we received an odd visitor. He introduced himself as Mordred, and he told us that we were the 'Avatars of the Physical'. It sounds mad, but we had been noticing oddities, and he made a lot of sense. He explained planar metaphysics to us, and told us about our elements. Niccolo's title is the Magus of Eternal Flame, Peter was called Knight of the Earthen Realm, Darya was named the Kirin of Ephemeral Air, and I the Maiden of Infinite Ice. I found that I could manipulate water, form ice beams, and other ice forms. My real talent was in illusions, however. I believe you saw some of my work already. Niccolo could control fire to a very fine degree, and could produce flame in spheres as well as streams. Darya found that she was quite adept at influencing the weather, and lensing air into shield forms. Peter could do things with soil that could best be described as miraculous. He once showed me a seed that he planted, and made it grow into a fully adult plant in minutes! It was a truly remarkable time for all of us. Mordred began giving us lessons, but after a few days, began meeting only with Niccolo. I should have seen something at that point, but I suppose I was too excited at my new found abilities. I should have said something."
She started to become upset, but we were just getting to the important part. We paused near a fountain, and I put my hand on her shoulder. She seemed to calm down a bit, and continued her story.
"It was after Niccolo began getting 'private lessons' from Mordred that he began to change. He started talking about how our power made us better than other people. How we should rule over them as gods. How we not only had the ability, but the responsibility to take action. He always was somewhat displeased with our society, so I guess we figured he was just letting off steam. Three days ago, that theory was shot rather completely to Hell. He attacked us, saying that if we didn't actively help him ascend to Godhood and rule over the world, we would only be in his way. We were in his office at the time, he had called us there. Peter tried to calm him down, but Niccolo hit him with a fireblast. Darya tackled him, and shouted for me to run. I took his laptop and jumped out the window, forming a crude ice ramp on the way down. God, I hope they're okay..."
She started sobbing, and I suspected that the events of that day and those since were only now making a full impact. We sat on a bench near a duck pond, and said nothing for a short while. After a bit, Aislin broke the silence.
"What about the computer?" she asked. "Did it have any useful information?"
"I couldn't see." Elia responded. "I don't know his password."
"Sounds like a job for William Mikhail Zurn, Ubergeek Extraordinaire!" I said with exaggerated pomp, to try to ease the mood slightly.
Elia produced the computer, which looked like a tablet PC, but a great deal sleeker. I turned it on, and it asked for a password. I thought for a moment, and was struck by a thought. I tried a password that had come to me, and got access.
"What was the password?" Elia asked.
"Entropy." I said.
"Well, that's not ominous." Aislin said dryly.
I took a few minutes to figure out the file system, and poked through its contents. After about an hour or so, we finished reading. Elia had gone over to feed the ducks. I suppose she didn't want to invade his privacy or something. Anyway, she turned and walked back over when I vocalized my reaction.
"Oh, not good."
"What is it?" Elia asked.
"Mostly, it's propaganda from a group called the 'Entropists'." I summed up. "But there's also some rather specific instructions on how to make a device, that when powered by the Avatars will simply destroy the Multiverse."
"Simply?" Aislin asked.
"Well, yes, actually." I explained. "It creates a sort of 'feedback' in the Planes. See, according to this information, the Planar Essences continually flow into a vast 'mechanism' called the Planar Forge. That's the thing that 'distills the essences of the planes'. This device would severely restrict the flow of Essence, eventually cutting it off. And without the flow of Essence, the Multiverse just kind of dries up."
"Ok, that's bad." Aislin said.
"Yeah." I said. "We should do something about it."
"But what can we do?" Elia asked.
"I'm not sure." I said. "But we shouldn't do anything rash. That would just make things worse, which, albeit, is kind of hard to imagine."
Suddenly, Puck started beeping urgently, and a largeish number of armed men surrounded us, and two helicopters hovered overhead. A third started booming commands from a megaphone.
"Surrender immediately, or you will be killed!" it said.
We raised our hands in the universal gesture of surrender. As we were led into one of the helicopters, Aislin muttered to me.
"You just had to go and taunt Murphy, didn't you?"
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Chapter 4: Blaze
That evening, we were seated much as we were the previous evening, in sofas, and with Niel leading the discussion.
"I decided to break this into two parts." he began. "You folks needed rest, and I had preparations to make."
"Like fixing the lock on my door." I said, really more asking than stating.
"According to our diagnostics, it's not broken." he said.
"God's balls it isn't..." I said annoyedly.
"I know it's broken. I'm just saying that it'll take more time than we thought to fix it." he responded, trying to mollify.
"Bleck." I said. "So, Part Two, then?"
There is a round of nods, and Niel begins.
"I told you yesterday about planar metaphysics, the Avatars, Atlantis, and our role in the history of things. Today, I'm going to tell you of your role in this. First and foremost, the Avatars help balance out the universe simply by existing. As the planar elements incarnate, your presence in relative proximity to each other in spatial and temporal terms helps keep the elements in check. Don't worry about that, though. "Relative proximity" in terms of the multiverse refers to distances we don't have names for yet. Secondly, the Avatars help defend against extradimensional, extraplanar, and otherwise unusual threats. For instance, if a sorcerer from a parallel Earth ruled by Nazis were to come storming through New York City, the Avatars would be sent to deal with him. Thirdly and finally, there is also a proph-... on second thought, never mind that. Any questions?"
"Yes, what about a prophecy?" asked Deirdre.
"Forget I mentioned that." Niel said, with a bit of an edge to his voice.
"Mentioned what?" I interjected pointedly, as it seemed Deirdre was intent on pursuing the issue. "Anyway, bring on the evil Nazi sorcerers! We can take 'em!"
"That only happened once." Niel said, vaguely amused. "I'll have someone by to check on your door."
With that, he left. Almost before the door shut, Deirdre turned to me and asked "Why did you interrupt? You know that last part was the most important!"
"Yes." I said evenly. "I also know that he's not going to tell us. And I, for one, would like to stay on good terms with our hosts."
"But we should know about the prophecy!" she insisted.
"Oh, I agree." I said. "Which is why we should find out on our own."
"What about that orichalcum thing?" David chimed in. "Niel said that it let them access the Akashic Records."
"Which no doubt means it's under heavy guard and all manner of security systems." I said. "We'll have to take our time and be patient. But it'll be on our to do list."
"Good." said David. "Now, food? I'm fricking starving."
Rolling my eyes, I said "Sure. Let's poke around, this building has to have food somewhere."
We collectively got up, and got into the elevator. I looked at the directory, and mused out loud "Now where would the Key of Solomon Agency have their cafeteria?"
The elevator responded: "Floor S4, Cafeteria. Kitchens, and Dining Area."
Missing only a beat, I said "Is that Majel Barret's voice?"
"Affirmative." responded the elevator.
I rolled my eyes, and said "So, Floor S4, then?"
"Working." said the elevator, and it whirred to life. A flash of light illuminated the elevator, and the doors opened with a classic swoosh.
"Floor S4. Cafeteria, Kitchens, and Dining Area." announced the elevator efficiently.
"What was that flash?" asked Aislin.
"The flash of visible light was the result of a Magitech site to site teleport system, Mark IV." the elevator answered.
"Magitech? Holy Kefka..." I said. "So Floor S4 isn't in Chicago?"
"Negative." said the elevator. "Floor S4 is in a Key of Solomon Agency compound in Paris, France."
"Well, at least they have good taste." remarked David. "Now come on. I smell food."
"You really need a new hobby." I began. "This is- * Are those meatballs?"
Aislin rolled her eyes, and wondered aloud "So how do we pay? I forgot my checkbook back in Chicago."
"Meals are provided free of charge to all Key of Solomon personnel above Grade E." said the elevator.
"Would you just go away?" I snapped irritably. I must have been hungrier than I had thought.
"She will stay here as long as she is needed." a voice said from somewhere behind us. "And we'd almost pay you people to eat here. The Metaphysical Avatars, if I'm not mistaken."
We turned to see who had spoken, and we saw an elderly man with a long beard, clad in a sharp business suit.
"Gandalf?" I asked.
"Merlin." he responded.
"Figures." I said. "Don't you age backwards or something?"
"No, and I was never ascended, and never fought the Ori either." he said with a touch of amusement. "As for the elevator, it's run by our resident AI, Morgan."
"Figures again." I said.
"Quite." he said. "I'm in charge of the Key of Solomon Agency. I also formed it."
"So are you actually immortal?" Aislin asked.
"Yes, thanks to the Philosopher's Stone." he said.
"Are you keeping that hidden for the good of mankind?" David asked.
"No, we destroyed it for the good of mankind." he said. "It grants immortality, but at a terrible price."
"Soul fragmentation?" I guessed.
"Loss of the sense of taste?" ventured Deirdre.
"Perpetual ennui?" asked David.
"I'd... rather not say." he said, seeming embarrassed. "But after we destroyed the stone, we began funding a certain blue pill."
"Ohhhh...." David said, comprehending.
"You poor, poor man." I said sympathetically.
"Anyway, Morgan always does the "Starship Computer" routine to new people. She finds it amusing." said Merlin, changing the subject.
"Negative. The humor of tis impression is self-evident." her voice came from the elevator.
"She's nowhere near as funny as she thinks she is." Merlin said. "Morgan! Shove off!"
"Unable to comply. Humor in progress."
"I'll show you humor....." said Merlin, who stalked off, rolling up his sleeves. He entered the elevator, and the doors closed, obscuring him from view.
"When eight hundred years I reach, be that sane I will not." I quipped.
"Let's claim a table." suggested Aislin.
We sat around a smallish table with a nice view of the Eiffel Tower. Soon, an employee came by and asked us what we'd like to eat.
"But there's no menus." Deirdre pointed out confusedly.
"True. Here at the Cafe Diem, we make what you order." the waiter responded.
"Isn't the Cafe Diem in Eureka?" I asked, grinning at my geeky reference.
"Yes, that was the first branch. Run by a fellow by the name of Vincent, I believe."\
I managed only a blank look, and he left after saying he's give us a few minutes to think. After our food came, I had a thought.
"David." I said. "You mentioned something about a building earlier. Sounds like one heck of a story. Tell?"
"Ok, sure." he said. "It was about six weeks ago. As you know, I was vacationing in Portland in order to nail-"
Deirdre kicked him somewhat violently.
"to enjoy the local cuisine!" he finished, wincing. "Anyway, I had gone out to get some cold soda after the hot coffee. The guy working the soda fountain was a real jackass. There were three people in line ahead of me, and I was already dehydrated. I must have lost control-"
"David smash!" I interjected.
"Yes, Wil. The building started coming apart in chunks, and the chunks were falling everywhere. I seemed to be unhurt, and so did the others. Later, I found out that Deirdre had been shielding them. But anyway, I was busy pulling a psychic slice-n-dice when some weird Cylon-looking things came and attacked us."
"In the city?" I asked, puzzled and alarmed.
"No, this was a housing development boom town thing a ways outside the city. Anyway, I destroyed the robots with Deirdre's help, and-"
"Deirdre's help?" asked Aislin.
"They had shields." Deirdre explained. "I shorted them out."
"Ah." Aislin said.
"So anywho." said David irritably. "We slagged the droids, and soon that Niel fellow showed up. He staged the scene to make it look like the soda fountain guy had gone postal and blew up his own store. He even planted a detonator."
"He killed the soda guy?" I asked.
"No, the Cylons killed Soda Guy." David said.
"Damn shame." I said, deliberately unconvincingly.
"Good end to bad rubbish." opined Deirdre.
"True dat." said David.
We finished our meal, and went back to the elevator.
"Morgan?" I asked tentatively. "Are you there?"
"No one here but us chickens." came the voice of Morgan.
"Right. Well can you 'chickens' fly us back to our rooms? We're a bit tired."
"Sure." said Morgan.
The flash of light pulsed, and the doors opened.
"I just flew in from Paris, and boy are my arms tired." said Morgan.
"Goodnight, Morgan." I said amusedly.
I left the elevator, and tried my lock again. Again, it completely failed to grant me entry.
"Freakin' A..." I said wearily.
"Come on, Wil." said a voice from behind me. "You should at least have some relative privacy. Take my couch, please."
"Ok, ok." I said, going along with it. I made a quick mental note to erect a sign reading "Door temporarily wall, sorry for the inconvenience."
------------------------------------------------
The following morning saw me heading down the hall towards the elevator. The doors opened, and David was waiting there.
"How long have you been waiting here?" I asked. "And don't give me that look."
"Not long." he said.
"Negative. You have been in this elevator for two hours, forty two minutes, and eleven seconds." said Morgan.
"Thank you, Morgan!" I said, grinning.
"Thanks, Morgan...." David said sarcastically. "So should I ring the gong?"
"Considering the look on your face when I came in, I'm surprised you didn't already." I said. "Floor S4 please, Morgan. And no, don't bother."
The teleport flash occurred, and David gave me a skeptical look.
"Thanks again, Morgan." I said. "And would you quit it with the looks? If you have doubts, use words."
"I have doubts." he said.
"Good, so you can English." I said mockingly. I continued in a more normal tone of voice. "There may have been some affectionate... snuggling... but nothing more."
"I believe it." he said. "But only because it's you."
"That attuned to my tone of voice, are you?" I asked skeptically.
"No."he said. "That convinced you'll never get laid."
I kicked him in the knee, grabbed some bacon, and kicked his knee again on my way back to the elevator.
"Morgan?" I said. "Take me home."
"Affirmative."
The doors shut, and I'm whisked off on a beam of light.
"Ow." said David. "Nigel? Can I get some of that bacon?"
"I'm sorry, Seraph. The Paladin took what we had left. You really should get here sooner next time." said Nigel, our usual waiter.
"Damn it." David said.
"Unable to comply." said Morgan.
David made a face and sat munching a cruller sullenly.
-------------------------------------------------
Some time passes, and the Avatars grow into a fairly cohesive group. David practices with his telekinetic blades, Deirdre experiments with different shield forms, and Wil and Aislin practice their synergistic offense strategies. We also decided that we ought to schedule some group activities. I suggested a small-scale LAN party, which was quickly implemented. Aislin suggested a NERF duel/ Capture the Flag fusion, which was atypically epic due to the Agency's global teleport network. If I recall correctly, the Law Axis team beat the Structural Axis team with a headshot over the Irish flag. God, that girl is awesome. Anyway, Deirdre's idea was weekly activities, like Anime Mondays and Sci-Fi Wednesdays. David suggested weekly orgies, and was promptly beaten. But it was a group beating, so it still counts as a group activity. There was more tickling than actual beating anyway. Oh, and my lock still rather stubbornly refused to work. Things started to fall into a routine, and we were just beginning to relax. It was at this point, of course, that trouble was made.
David and I were dressed in black, well-fitting robes, as well as black head wrappings. We were also carrying plastic katanas. Deirdre and Aislin were following hot on our heels, wearing bandanas and eye patches. We were running to the elevator.
"Quickly, David-san!" I said. "If we take a false step, Bloody Mary and Queen Anne will have their revenge!"
"We must reach the dimensional portal if we are to survive!" he responds urgently.
A foam dart whizzes past my ear, followed by a shout of "YARR! Ye've led us on a merry chase. But nobody escapes Queen Anne's revenge!"
Another polymeric projectile comes whizzing our way, and I block it with my katana. Finally, we reach the elevator.
"We are as the wind, and harder to kill!" I shout, and the teleport activates. I step out of the elevator, expecting to see the coast of Morocco out of the window. I was therefore surprised to see the couches of the atrium of Chicago Branch.
"Morgan?" I said. "This is not Morocco."
"No, it's Chicago." she confirmed.
"I worked that bit out myself." I said testily. "What I perhaps should have asked was 'Why am I not in Morocco?'"
"Orders." she explained tersely.
""From who?" I asked.
"From me." said a voice from the corridor.
"Merlin-sensei!" David said, kowtowing shamelessly.
"Stop that." I said, administering a dope slap.
"Morgan, if you would....?" asks Merlin, and Deirdre and Aislin appear with a flash of light.
"Hey, having Morgan help is cheating!" starts Aislin, but is silenced by Deirdre, who has noticed Merlin. Soon, our attention is focused on the elderly man before us, who begins to speak.
"Ah, how I've missed being able to quiet unruly mobs by my mere presence..." he said wistfully. "This is close, but close enough."
"We'll get loud again if you don't tell us why you interrupted Pirates v.s. Ninjas Part IV, the Revenge of Queen Anne." I said bluntly.
"Quite so." he said with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. "I had Morgan bring you here because an extradimensional threat has been detected."
"Nazi sorcerer?" asked David, perhaps a bit too eagerly.
"No. And evil overlord and accomplished sorcerer and scientist. He has developed many Magitech devices, and rules from a fortress in an isolated pocket dimension." explained Merlin. "Our sources say that he's been watching this dimension for some time, and sent a number of battle constructs into this dimension to attack citizens."
"These constructs." I asked. "Big, mean, glowing red eye?"
"Why, yes." said Merlin, somewhat surprised. "How did you know?"
"Personal experience." I explained. "But what makes you think we can storm an extradimensional fortress? This isn't Final Fantasy! We're not warriors!"
"No, but you are a group of four good friends who rather suddenly recieved mystical powers." Merlin pointed out. "Sound like anything you know?"
"Only Final Fantasies One, Two, and Three...." I admitted.
"Besides, what would you have me send in, the Air Force? Machine guns are useless in these circumstances. Besides, you're the Metaphysical Avatars! You'll be fine."
"That's very reassuring." Aislin said, vaguely sarcastically. "How would we get there, anyway?"
"We've set up an interdimensional teleporter." said Merlin. "Morgan will get you to the fortress.When you do, you have one objective. Capture the Overlord. Bring him back."
"Why do you need a team?" David asked. "Why not just 'port him out?"
"His fortress's defenses prevent outbound teleportation." said Merlin.
"But not inbound?" I asked.
"No, he likes Chinese food, and has to get it in somehow. Besides, the same defenses can dispatch most threats just fine."
"There's something you're not telling us, isn't there?" Aislin asked.
"Yes." said Merlin.
"And you're not going to."
"Nope." said Merlin. "Any further questions?"
"Just one." said David. "Can we change first?"
A hasty costume removal and normal garb donning later, we were ready to go.
"Morgan?" I said. "Energize!"
The room pulses between normal and shining white light, then between light and darkness, between darkness and our destination, and finally we arrive. The room we 'landed' in was dimly lit, with a door on one wall, and a sink, a pail, a mop, and a broom piled in one corner.
"I think we landed in a janitor's closet." I said observantly.
"Well reasoned, Sherlock." responded David.
We peeked out of the door, Scooby Doo totem pole style, and saw that the hall was empty. We also noticed that the walls were bare.
"No cameras?" asked Aislin.
"Seems not." I said. "Let's go."
"They can make cameras pretty damned small, you know." David said.
"David, by this point, I'm convinced that the walls are eyes." I said. "But what are we supposed to do? Stay in this closet? There's always cameras in janitor's closets! People steal sponges! Now allons-y!"
I shoved him out the door, and followed close after. Aislin looked at Deirdre, shrugged, and they followed suit. The hall streched off into both directions, well-lit by unseen light sources. We pause, and look both ways. Each direction seems equally empty.
"Ok, now what?" Deirdre asked.
"We go that way." said David, pointing. When we gave him a puzzled look, he shrugged and said "Or we could just stay here, and stare dumbly."
We went in the direction he had indicated, each giving him a Gibbs-style head slap on the way past. Wincing with each, he headed up the rear. Before too long, we reach the end of the corridor. There are no doors, no windows, only a wall and a torch.
"Well, that's just spiffy." I say. "Superbly done, Seraph."
David looked annoyed, but as he was about to respond, part of the wall turned into a display screen. A robotic voice "Sarcasm Detected. Phase I testing initiated."
"Yes, rather superb indeed." he said, smirking smugly.
"Let's just do this 'testing'. Which worries me, by the way." I said, ignoring the throbbing behind my eyeballs.
The screen showed four groups of symbols, separated into four quadrants. One quadrant appeared to be symbols in both cuneiform and Roman numerals, one showed symbols that I didn't recognize, one showed images of fruit, and the fourth showed four geometric shapes, a square, a circle, a triangle, and a trapezoid.
"Ok, so... Roman numerals, Akkadian numerals, bizarre squiggles, geometric shapes, and... fruit? We're screwed." Deirdre said.
I, however, was grinning widely. David gave me a puzzled glance, but soon caught on.
"It's Pi." I said. "Pi!"
Aislin thought for a moment, but then slowly began to nod.
"But if that was the answer, wouldn't it have done something when you said it?" she asked.
"Nope." I said. "I have to do this first."
I used my finger to trace a line from the middle of the circle to the edge. The wall before us shimmered out of existence, revealing a staircase. While we ascend the stairs, Aislin asked "Ok, I get the numerals, and the squiggles are probably some kind of extinct or unknown foreign language. But what about the fruit?"
"Those did confuse me at first." I admitted. "But then I noticed the one in the lower left."
"The banana and the milk carton?"
"Not milk, Aislin. Cream."
"A banana...and cream." she said, suddenly getting it. "God damn it, that's not funny."
"Not a bit." I agreed, chuckling. "But it was useful."
The staircase ended at another hallway, with another screen. It has a similar quadrant design, but instead of pictographs, there were solid planes of color. One red, one yellow, one green, one blue. As we approached, the yellow panel flashed. We shrugged collectively, and Deirdre touched the yellow panel. It flashed again, and was followed by the blue one."
"Simon?" I said, groaning. "You've got to be kidding me."
"No trouble." said Deirdre. "I am the master of Simon."
I was somewhat skeptical, but said nothing. I suck out loud at Simon. Devin proved herself true to her word, as even I lost track of her movements, and finally the wall vanished. Corridor 3 stretched out before us, and I had a thought.
"Just what in hell is going on here?" I asked rhetorically. "I was expecting more 'pew pew pew' with an evil overlord flanked by hordes robotic minions, and just about no playing of Quizmania with the hallways."
"Maybe he didn't build the place." theorized Aislin. "Maybe he came across it much as we did, and passed the tests."
"The 'Castle Heterodyne' method, huh?" I asked.
"At this point, I'm willing to consider just about anything." she said. "So. Puzzle Three, what could it be?"
"Please stop that, it's starting to hurt." I said.
"Sure thing! You're the expert!" David piped up from behind us.
With effort, we let that go.
The wall at the end of the corridor has a display panel much as the others did, however this one only had the words "P1 and P2, stand on the platforms."
"What platforms?" I wondered aloud, just as to square nine by nine checkerboard patterns to appear beneath Aislin and I. Four of the sub-squares had arrows, and the center one had a dot. I recognized the design, and my reaction was both immediate and pronounced. "Aw, hell naw!"
"Come on, Wil." insisted Aislin. "I know you've got moves!"
"When did you come by that bit of info?" I asked.
"As we met." she declared firmly.
"Right." I said, adjusting to a more prepared pose. "Let's do this, then."
"Co-operative mode engaged." said the robotic voice. "First round: Axel F."
The theme from Beverly Hills Cop began playing, and arrows began to scroll down the wall. I had never played DDR before, but seemed to be doing reasonably well. We finished Round 1 with zero errors.
"Perfect round. Rank: AAA. Second round: Secret Agent Man."
Round 2 was shorter, but with a faster tempo. It was, of course, no match for us.
"Perfect round. Rank: AAA. Third round: Battle Theme from Final Fantasy VIII."
"Odd." I noted aloud. Aislin gave me a questioning look, but the round began before I could explain. The energetic beat was both normal length and quick tempoed, but soon fell along with the others. "Hey Bulldog", "Force Your Way", Weird Al's "Yoda", and "The Red Wings" soon followed suit.
"Seems a bit Final Fantasy weighted." Aislin said. "Did you notice?"
"That's not all I noticed." I began, but before I could explain, the robotic voice said "Beginner Level Complete." I smiled, and looked relieved. "Expert Level beginning."
"Wait, what about 'Advanced'?" I protested.
"Skill level exceeds Advanced Level." said the voice.
"Oh, that's nice to hear." I said, vaguely complimented. "What are the differences between Beginner and Expert mode?"
"Play involves four people." listed the computer. "Songs are more difficult. Pad motion mode is active."
"Pad motion mode?" I asked, once again simultaneous with the answer.
The wall shimmered out, but instead of a staircase, another room was on the other side, doubling the size of the space. Two more pads appeared, and a cylindrical display screen descended into the middle, and the four pads merged into a circle. Deirdre and David approached with a kind of nervous confidence, and the computer said "Players 3 and 4, start."
"Pad Motion Mode. Right." I said. "Guys? Don't be afraid to use your hands."
"Round One: J-E-N-O-V-A"
"Oh good. That's only about three minutes." said I said.
"Cover version: The Black Mages."
"...make that six."
The music and arrows begin, and the pads rotate along with the electric guitar. Deirdre and David do delightfully, and soon the demonstration was decided.
"Player One: Rank AAA. Player Two: Rank AAA. Player Three: Rank AAA. Player Four: Rank AAA."
"Wow, you two are limber." Aislin said, impressed.
"Say nothing." I told David warningly.
He remained silent, save for a lecherous smirk. I shuddered, but also sighed inwardly with relief.
"Round Two: Gerudo Valley. Cover version: the Red Wings."
"..." I thought inwardly.
The fast-paced desert beat passed quickly, and another perfect score heralded its end.
"Expert Level mastered. Legendary mode unlocked. Prize for completion is immediate teleportation to the end of the Puzzle Zone. Do you wish to continue through the door, or attempt Legendary Mode?"
"What do you think, guys?" I asked.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say that if this is the third puzzle, then judging by parts one and two, the difficulty curve is a very, very steep one, and that we don't want to continue to climb it." said David.
"I think David's arrogance is astonishing." said Aislin. "But if we can bypass the Riddles, Trivia, and Modern Dance section of this, I'm in."
"As am I." said Deirdre.
"Very well, then." I said. "Computer? Continue."
"Final round begins. Song list is as follows. Dancing Mad, as covered by the Black Mages. The Decisive Battle, FFVI version, covered by the Black Mages. Axel F, from the film "Beverly Hills Cop. "J-E-N-O-V-A", by the Black Mages. "Ambush Attack" from Final Fantasy IX. "The Winner", from Final Fantasy VIII. Arrows will scroll on the walls, and the floor will be used in its entirety. The playlist will be random. There will be no pauses between songs. You have five minutes to prepare, and one final chance to withdraw."
"Damn." I said. "That's almost 45 solid minutes of dancing."
"That's something I've been wondering about." Aislin said. "You know a lot about these songs."
"Yes." I said. "They're all songs that I own. I've literally heard them hundreds of times."
Aislin looks about to interject, but I interrupt. "It doesn't make much sense to me either. But I can roll with it."
Five minutes of idle chatter later, the lighting changed to a bright pink, with other colors flahing here and there. It's evocative of a rave, I suspect deliberately. As the opening bars of "Axel F" begin, we exchange nods, and begin to DDR as no one had ever DDRed before. We continue gymnastically through "The Decisive Battle" and "Ambush Attack", waltz, tango, and foxtrot through "Dancing Mad", hop, skip and jump through "J-E-N-O-V-A", and soft-shoe triumphantly through the triumphant trumpets of "The Winner".
"Flawless Victory. You four are the true Lords of the Dance, never let anyone tell you differently."
After a group high-five, the computer made an announcement.
"Prepare for immediate teleportation to the Combat Zone."
"The what now?" I said. "You didn't mention a Combat Zone."
"You did not request this information." the computer said, initiating the teleport.
"Right." I said. "I suppose I didn't."
"Did the computer just 'you didn't ask' us?" said Deirdre annoyedly.
"It's what they do." I responded, shrugging.
The teleport had dropped us in yet another brightly lit corridor, which we followed to its terminus.
"Hey, a door." I said. "How novel."
David kind of grunted at this, and we continued through to the other side. There was a large circular room, with the walls, ceiling, and floor fashioned of the same fluorescent material that the hallways were. It was empty, save for us. We entered, and approached the center.
"I have a bad feeling about this." I said, and at the same moment, we reached the center of the room. The door we came through shut, and subsequently vanished. Then the lights went out, and an odd fog permeated the room.
"You just HAD to say it, didn't you." scolded David.
We hear doors open with a classic swoosh, and then hear the sound of many metal feet approaching. A creepy metallic voice speaks, seemingly from a speaker or similar device.
"They must be dead by now. Finish what's left of them!"
From the perspective of an outside observer, the next scene would be somewhat impressive. The fog was sucked out through vents, and in the center were four very pissed off-looking humans, one holding a ball of destructive force in her hand, one whose fingers were glowing, one who was simply grinning maniacally, and a fourth who was standing dramatically and generating a blue spherical forcefield.
"Uh-oh." said a robotic voice from nearby.
"Roger roger." said another.
I'd have facepalmed if it wouldn't have taken my eyebrows off. Instead, I channeled my feeling of 'ugh' into droid-slagging. I noticed with some admiration that our blasts passed easily through Deirdre's shield, while the droid's shots were being deflected. That kind of control takes skill. Once the droids had all been reduced to their constituent elements, the lights came back on. A door opened on the far side of the room, but the door we had come through stayed gone. There was also no sign of the doors the droids had come through.
"Well, it seems our path is obvious." I said. "Allons-y!"
We go through the door into the next room, which appears identical to the one we just left. I looked behind me to make sure we weren't coming through a door in the room behind us. The door vanished as soon as we stepped through, and soon the lights went off. The sound of metallic footsteps was once again evident, and we prepared to kick more shiny metal ass. Deirdre was the first to report troubles.
"I can't form a shield!" she said, alarmed.
"I'm having trouble with my blades." David reported.
"My pulses feel weak." Aislin said.
"Yeah, my beams are shot, too." I said. "Well, we could fight. Or I could 'port us back to the Puzzle Section."
"Backtrack?" Aislin asked. "Won't that piss off the computer?"
"Well, we can't stay here." David pointed out. "With no weapons or shield, we'd be killed faster than you can say 'like, Zoinks!'"
"Ok." I said. "One Tactical Scooby Maneuver coming right up!"
I 'ported us back to the Puzzle Section, and another teleport activates immediately afterwards.
"That last one wasn't me." I said.
"No, it was me." a robotic voice said. The walls of the new room lit up, and the room was suddenly illuminated, but in a golden light rather than the previous white. A figure appeared in the center of the room, in the form of a woman. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and was clad in what appeared to be some kind of armor. She continued to speak.
"You have proven your ingenuty by demonstrating pi, and demonstrated your quickness through the game known as 'Simon'. You showed strength and courage in defeating the battle contructs, and you showed wisdom as well as valor in realizing the difference between a battle lost and a battle you cannot win. You have proven yourselves worthy of your destinies, Avatars. So let me, Freyja, be the first to welcome you." She made a sweeping gesture with her arm, and the walls go transparent, revealing a vast network of machinery, portals, and stars. "This is Asgard, the hub of the Multiverse, and Base of the Roads."
"Wow." I said, gawking like a tourist.
"Wil." Aislin said, grabbing back my attention. "We're here for an evil overlord, remember? Accomplished sorcerer and scientist? Ring a bell?"
"I know of the one of whom you speak." Freyja mentioned. "He passed the tests by some manner of Magitech trickery, and managed to use our portals to send several of his battle constructs through to your world before we realized his true intentions. We imprisoned him in a force cage shortly afterwards."
"Well, he's why we're here." Aislin continued. "Could you send him back to our universe, preferably into a cell at the Key of Solomon Agency?"
"Consider it done." Freyja responded warmly. "His father will be pleased to have him back. And I do enjoy helping Merlin."
"His father?" I said, puzzled. "That makes no sense for a number of reasons..."
"Yes, young Mordred always has been a bit of a mystery. And always meddling where he shouldn't, too." said Freyja.
"Mordered. Why am I not surprised..." I said, finally deciding to ignore the absurdity of our situation.
"Could you send us home?" Aislin asked. "Wil can teleport, but not interdimensionally."
"Yet." I added, somewhat indignantly.
"Certainly. But I must insist that you wait until tomorrow." said Freyja. "Interdimensional travel puts stress on the human body if done too often in close temporal proximity. We have rooms that you can use, but first I'd imagine you have many questions."
"Thank you, Freyja." I said. "I suppose my first question would be 'just what is this place?'."
"This is Asgard." Freyja began. "It was built many eons ago by a powerful race, in order to monitor the many passages between universes, dimensions, and timelines, and to facilitate travel between them. They built in a high degree of automation, in order to avoid needing to have a permanent crew."
"Why would they do that?" asked Deirdre. "I mean, if I were to build a fancy Dimensional Monitoring Station, I'd want to keep an eye on it."
"Their race was possessed of an incurable wanderlust." Freyja explained. "To remain in any one place for a significant stretch of time was anathema to them."
"So who are you, then?" asked Aislin.
"I am an artificial intelligence programmed to watch over Asgard for all eternity, modeled in their image, but able to be content in one place."
"They must have looked human." I observed.
"They still do." Freyja clarified. "Or rather, humans look like them. They seeded many worlds in many universes with the beginnings of life. Some were meant to appear similar to themselves. Others were meant to look quite different. But all were meant to achieve sentience, and seek out their forebears."
"Then did they leave a forwarding address?" I asked drily.
"Of course." Freyja said. "How else would I inform them of a malfunction?"
"Then will you tell us?" I asked, more eager this time.
"Of course not. Each must find their own way."
"If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago." recited Aislin.
David, Deirdre, and Freyja give her a puzzled look, and I chuckle. She continued. "Never mind. One other question. Why did you have a DDR game with Wil's music collection?"
"Well, it'd hardly be fair to use Nimbula music, you don't have enough feet." Freyja explained. "And among you four, he had the largest collection of high-tempo, instrumental music."
Seeing my puzzled look, she said "You carry this collection with you. On a primitive data storage device in your left pocket. I scanned it when you arrived."
I checked my pocket, and pulled out my SD card, the one I use with my MP3 player. "Huh." I said. "Must have fallen out."
"But why a DDR tournament at all?" Aislin pressed. "The other tests proved 'courage' and 'wisdom' and stuff. What did the DDR test prove? Flexibility?"
Freyja smiled puckishly, and said "It proves just how boring it can be running a teleport hub solo, and how far one might go for amusement."
If looks could kill, Freyja would have been a sizzling heap of junk at that point. We decided to turn in, and Freyja directed us to a chamber with soft, metallic pillows and gemstone colored sheets.
"Ostentatious much?" David observed wryly.
"I like it." I said. "It's colorful."
We soon drifted off to sleep, but were awoken in only a few hour's time. We were not awoken by Freyja, however, but by flashing mauve lights and blaring klaxons. We hurried to the audience room where we had spoken to Freyja previously.
"Freyja!" I called out. "What's going on?"
"We're under attack!" her voice came over a P.A. system. "It's the Entropists!"
"The who?" I asked, but am staggered by a violent rocking of the station.
"Damn! Entropy charges!" said Freyja. "Listen carefully, we haven't much time. The Entropists are a fanatical cult determined to destroy the fabric of reality itself. You alone can stop them. You and the other Avatars. Go to the elevator, quickly! I'll explain on the way."
A door opens on the far side of the room, and we hurry in. Freyja's voice continues as we descend amid the shockwaves.
"There is a prophecy in the Akashic Records of a time when entropy will threaten all of existence. It's known as the Prophecy of the Eight, and goes on to say that only through the Avatars working as one could disater be averted. The combined powers of the Eight Elements are said to be able to prevent Ragnarok."
The elevator stops, and the doors open. There is a platform resembling a transporter pad from Star Trek, and a pedestal appears before it. On the pedestal, what looks like a watch shimmers into existence.
"This is a database of the Multiverse. Take it, it will guide you. Now, quickly! Onto the dimensional focus!"
We step onto the pad, and Freyja speaks some odd sounding calculations, and then continues in English.
"Now sending!" she said, almost shouting to be heard over the blasts. "For the sake of the Multiverse, you must not fail! Believe in yourselves! Trust each other! Help those in need! And remember, no one is beyond redemption! Calculations complete! Chronodimensional teleportation engage- AAHHHHH!"
Her pronouncement was cut off by an oddly human scream, one that conveyed more pain than I would have thought a scream could.
"Freyja!" David called, but by then the teleport was active, and I once again redefined my notions of 'pain'. There was a blinding flash of light, followed by the sweet darkness of unconsciousness.
"I decided to break this into two parts." he began. "You folks needed rest, and I had preparations to make."
"Like fixing the lock on my door." I said, really more asking than stating.
"According to our diagnostics, it's not broken." he said.
"God's balls it isn't..." I said annoyedly.
"I know it's broken. I'm just saying that it'll take more time than we thought to fix it." he responded, trying to mollify.
"Bleck." I said. "So, Part Two, then?"
There is a round of nods, and Niel begins.
"I told you yesterday about planar metaphysics, the Avatars, Atlantis, and our role in the history of things. Today, I'm going to tell you of your role in this. First and foremost, the Avatars help balance out the universe simply by existing. As the planar elements incarnate, your presence in relative proximity to each other in spatial and temporal terms helps keep the elements in check. Don't worry about that, though. "Relative proximity" in terms of the multiverse refers to distances we don't have names for yet. Secondly, the Avatars help defend against extradimensional, extraplanar, and otherwise unusual threats. For instance, if a sorcerer from a parallel Earth ruled by Nazis were to come storming through New York City, the Avatars would be sent to deal with him. Thirdly and finally, there is also a proph-... on second thought, never mind that. Any questions?"
"Yes, what about a prophecy?" asked Deirdre.
"Forget I mentioned that." Niel said, with a bit of an edge to his voice.
"Mentioned what?" I interjected pointedly, as it seemed Deirdre was intent on pursuing the issue. "Anyway, bring on the evil Nazi sorcerers! We can take 'em!"
"That only happened once." Niel said, vaguely amused. "I'll have someone by to check on your door."
With that, he left. Almost before the door shut, Deirdre turned to me and asked "Why did you interrupt? You know that last part was the most important!"
"Yes." I said evenly. "I also know that he's not going to tell us. And I, for one, would like to stay on good terms with our hosts."
"But we should know about the prophecy!" she insisted.
"Oh, I agree." I said. "Which is why we should find out on our own."
"What about that orichalcum thing?" David chimed in. "Niel said that it let them access the Akashic Records."
"Which no doubt means it's under heavy guard and all manner of security systems." I said. "We'll have to take our time and be patient. But it'll be on our to do list."
"Good." said David. "Now, food? I'm fricking starving."
Rolling my eyes, I said "Sure. Let's poke around, this building has to have food somewhere."
We collectively got up, and got into the elevator. I looked at the directory, and mused out loud "Now where would the Key of Solomon Agency have their cafeteria?"
The elevator responded: "Floor S4, Cafeteria. Kitchens, and Dining Area."
Missing only a beat, I said "Is that Majel Barret's voice?"
"Affirmative." responded the elevator.
I rolled my eyes, and said "So, Floor S4, then?"
"Working." said the elevator, and it whirred to life. A flash of light illuminated the elevator, and the doors opened with a classic swoosh.
"Floor S4. Cafeteria, Kitchens, and Dining Area." announced the elevator efficiently.
"What was that flash?" asked Aislin.
"The flash of visible light was the result of a Magitech site to site teleport system, Mark IV." the elevator answered.
"Magitech? Holy Kefka..." I said. "So Floor S4 isn't in Chicago?"
"Negative." said the elevator. "Floor S4 is in a Key of Solomon Agency compound in Paris, France."
"Well, at least they have good taste." remarked David. "Now come on. I smell food."
"You really need a new hobby." I began. "This is- * Are those meatballs?"
Aislin rolled her eyes, and wondered aloud "So how do we pay? I forgot my checkbook back in Chicago."
"Meals are provided free of charge to all Key of Solomon personnel above Grade E." said the elevator.
"Would you just go away?" I snapped irritably. I must have been hungrier than I had thought.
"She will stay here as long as she is needed." a voice said from somewhere behind us. "And we'd almost pay you people to eat here. The Metaphysical Avatars, if I'm not mistaken."
We turned to see who had spoken, and we saw an elderly man with a long beard, clad in a sharp business suit.
"Gandalf?" I asked.
"Merlin." he responded.
"Figures." I said. "Don't you age backwards or something?"
"No, and I was never ascended, and never fought the Ori either." he said with a touch of amusement. "As for the elevator, it's run by our resident AI, Morgan."
"Figures again." I said.
"Quite." he said. "I'm in charge of the Key of Solomon Agency. I also formed it."
"So are you actually immortal?" Aislin asked.
"Yes, thanks to the Philosopher's Stone." he said.
"Are you keeping that hidden for the good of mankind?" David asked.
"No, we destroyed it for the good of mankind." he said. "It grants immortality, but at a terrible price."
"Soul fragmentation?" I guessed.
"Loss of the sense of taste?" ventured Deirdre.
"Perpetual ennui?" asked David.
"I'd... rather not say." he said, seeming embarrassed. "But after we destroyed the stone, we began funding a certain blue pill."
"Ohhhh...." David said, comprehending.
"You poor, poor man." I said sympathetically.
"Anyway, Morgan always does the "Starship Computer" routine to new people. She finds it amusing." said Merlin, changing the subject.
"Negative. The humor of tis impression is self-evident." her voice came from the elevator.
"She's nowhere near as funny as she thinks she is." Merlin said. "Morgan! Shove off!"
"Unable to comply. Humor in progress."
"I'll show you humor....." said Merlin, who stalked off, rolling up his sleeves. He entered the elevator, and the doors closed, obscuring him from view.
"When eight hundred years I reach, be that sane I will not." I quipped.
"Let's claim a table." suggested Aislin.
We sat around a smallish table with a nice view of the Eiffel Tower. Soon, an employee came by and asked us what we'd like to eat.
"But there's no menus." Deirdre pointed out confusedly.
"True. Here at the Cafe Diem, we make what you order." the waiter responded.
"Isn't the Cafe Diem in Eureka?" I asked, grinning at my geeky reference.
"Yes, that was the first branch. Run by a fellow by the name of Vincent, I believe."\
I managed only a blank look, and he left after saying he's give us a few minutes to think. After our food came, I had a thought.
"David." I said. "You mentioned something about a building earlier. Sounds like one heck of a story. Tell?"
"Ok, sure." he said. "It was about six weeks ago. As you know, I was vacationing in Portland in order to nail-"
Deirdre kicked him somewhat violently.
"to enjoy the local cuisine!" he finished, wincing. "Anyway, I had gone out to get some cold soda after the hot coffee. The guy working the soda fountain was a real jackass. There were three people in line ahead of me, and I was already dehydrated. I must have lost control-"
"David smash!" I interjected.
"Yes, Wil. The building started coming apart in chunks, and the chunks were falling everywhere. I seemed to be unhurt, and so did the others. Later, I found out that Deirdre had been shielding them. But anyway, I was busy pulling a psychic slice-n-dice when some weird Cylon-looking things came and attacked us."
"In the city?" I asked, puzzled and alarmed.
"No, this was a housing development boom town thing a ways outside the city. Anyway, I destroyed the robots with Deirdre's help, and-"
"Deirdre's help?" asked Aislin.
"They had shields." Deirdre explained. "I shorted them out."
"Ah." Aislin said.
"So anywho." said David irritably. "We slagged the droids, and soon that Niel fellow showed up. He staged the scene to make it look like the soda fountain guy had gone postal and blew up his own store. He even planted a detonator."
"He killed the soda guy?" I asked.
"No, the Cylons killed Soda Guy." David said.
"Damn shame." I said, deliberately unconvincingly.
"Good end to bad rubbish." opined Deirdre.
"True dat." said David.
We finished our meal, and went back to the elevator.
"Morgan?" I asked tentatively. "Are you there?"
"No one here but us chickens." came the voice of Morgan.
"Right. Well can you 'chickens' fly us back to our rooms? We're a bit tired."
"Sure." said Morgan.
The flash of light pulsed, and the doors opened.
"I just flew in from Paris, and boy are my arms tired." said Morgan.
"Goodnight, Morgan." I said amusedly.
I left the elevator, and tried my lock again. Again, it completely failed to grant me entry.
"Freakin' A..." I said wearily.
"Come on, Wil." said a voice from behind me. "You should at least have some relative privacy. Take my couch, please."
"Ok, ok." I said, going along with it. I made a quick mental note to erect a sign reading "Door temporarily wall, sorry for the inconvenience."
------------------------------------------------
The following morning saw me heading down the hall towards the elevator. The doors opened, and David was waiting there.
"How long have you been waiting here?" I asked. "And don't give me that look."
"Not long." he said.
"Negative. You have been in this elevator for two hours, forty two minutes, and eleven seconds." said Morgan.
"Thank you, Morgan!" I said, grinning.
"Thanks, Morgan...." David said sarcastically. "So should I ring the gong?"
"Considering the look on your face when I came in, I'm surprised you didn't already." I said. "Floor S4 please, Morgan. And no, don't bother."
The teleport flash occurred, and David gave me a skeptical look.
"Thanks again, Morgan." I said. "And would you quit it with the looks? If you have doubts, use words."
"I have doubts." he said.
"Good, so you can English." I said mockingly. I continued in a more normal tone of voice. "There may have been some affectionate... snuggling... but nothing more."
"I believe it." he said. "But only because it's you."
"That attuned to my tone of voice, are you?" I asked skeptically.
"No."he said. "That convinced you'll never get laid."
I kicked him in the knee, grabbed some bacon, and kicked his knee again on my way back to the elevator.
"Morgan?" I said. "Take me home."
"Affirmative."
The doors shut, and I'm whisked off on a beam of light.
"Ow." said David. "Nigel? Can I get some of that bacon?"
"I'm sorry, Seraph. The Paladin took what we had left. You really should get here sooner next time." said Nigel, our usual waiter.
"Damn it." David said.
"Unable to comply." said Morgan.
David made a face and sat munching a cruller sullenly.
-------------------------------------------------
Some time passes, and the Avatars grow into a fairly cohesive group. David practices with his telekinetic blades, Deirdre experiments with different shield forms, and Wil and Aislin practice their synergistic offense strategies. We also decided that we ought to schedule some group activities. I suggested a small-scale LAN party, which was quickly implemented. Aislin suggested a NERF duel/ Capture the Flag fusion, which was atypically epic due to the Agency's global teleport network. If I recall correctly, the Law Axis team beat the Structural Axis team with a headshot over the Irish flag. God, that girl is awesome. Anyway, Deirdre's idea was weekly activities, like Anime Mondays and Sci-Fi Wednesdays. David suggested weekly orgies, and was promptly beaten. But it was a group beating, so it still counts as a group activity. There was more tickling than actual beating anyway. Oh, and my lock still rather stubbornly refused to work. Things started to fall into a routine, and we were just beginning to relax. It was at this point, of course, that trouble was made.
David and I were dressed in black, well-fitting robes, as well as black head wrappings. We were also carrying plastic katanas. Deirdre and Aislin were following hot on our heels, wearing bandanas and eye patches. We were running to the elevator.
"Quickly, David-san!" I said. "If we take a false step, Bloody Mary and Queen Anne will have their revenge!"
"We must reach the dimensional portal if we are to survive!" he responds urgently.
A foam dart whizzes past my ear, followed by a shout of "YARR! Ye've led us on a merry chase. But nobody escapes Queen Anne's revenge!"
Another polymeric projectile comes whizzing our way, and I block it with my katana. Finally, we reach the elevator.
"We are as the wind, and harder to kill!" I shout, and the teleport activates. I step out of the elevator, expecting to see the coast of Morocco out of the window. I was therefore surprised to see the couches of the atrium of Chicago Branch.
"Morgan?" I said. "This is not Morocco."
"No, it's Chicago." she confirmed.
"I worked that bit out myself." I said testily. "What I perhaps should have asked was 'Why am I not in Morocco?'"
"Orders." she explained tersely.
""From who?" I asked.
"From me." said a voice from the corridor.
"Merlin-sensei!" David said, kowtowing shamelessly.
"Stop that." I said, administering a dope slap.
"Morgan, if you would....?" asks Merlin, and Deirdre and Aislin appear with a flash of light.
"Hey, having Morgan help is cheating!" starts Aislin, but is silenced by Deirdre, who has noticed Merlin. Soon, our attention is focused on the elderly man before us, who begins to speak.
"Ah, how I've missed being able to quiet unruly mobs by my mere presence..." he said wistfully. "This is close, but close enough."
"We'll get loud again if you don't tell us why you interrupted Pirates v.s. Ninjas Part IV, the Revenge of Queen Anne." I said bluntly.
"Quite so." he said with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. "I had Morgan bring you here because an extradimensional threat has been detected."
"Nazi sorcerer?" asked David, perhaps a bit too eagerly.
"No. And evil overlord and accomplished sorcerer and scientist. He has developed many Magitech devices, and rules from a fortress in an isolated pocket dimension." explained Merlin. "Our sources say that he's been watching this dimension for some time, and sent a number of battle constructs into this dimension to attack citizens."
"These constructs." I asked. "Big, mean, glowing red eye?"
"Why, yes." said Merlin, somewhat surprised. "How did you know?"
"Personal experience." I explained. "But what makes you think we can storm an extradimensional fortress? This isn't Final Fantasy! We're not warriors!"
"No, but you are a group of four good friends who rather suddenly recieved mystical powers." Merlin pointed out. "Sound like anything you know?"
"Only Final Fantasies One, Two, and Three...." I admitted.
"Besides, what would you have me send in, the Air Force? Machine guns are useless in these circumstances. Besides, you're the Metaphysical Avatars! You'll be fine."
"That's very reassuring." Aislin said, vaguely sarcastically. "How would we get there, anyway?"
"We've set up an interdimensional teleporter." said Merlin. "Morgan will get you to the fortress.When you do, you have one objective. Capture the Overlord. Bring him back."
"Why do you need a team?" David asked. "Why not just 'port him out?"
"His fortress's defenses prevent outbound teleportation." said Merlin.
"But not inbound?" I asked.
"No, he likes Chinese food, and has to get it in somehow. Besides, the same defenses can dispatch most threats just fine."
"There's something you're not telling us, isn't there?" Aislin asked.
"Yes." said Merlin.
"And you're not going to."
"Nope." said Merlin. "Any further questions?"
"Just one." said David. "Can we change first?"
A hasty costume removal and normal garb donning later, we were ready to go.
"Morgan?" I said. "Energize!"
The room pulses between normal and shining white light, then between light and darkness, between darkness and our destination, and finally we arrive. The room we 'landed' in was dimly lit, with a door on one wall, and a sink, a pail, a mop, and a broom piled in one corner.
"I think we landed in a janitor's closet." I said observantly.
"Well reasoned, Sherlock." responded David.
We peeked out of the door, Scooby Doo totem pole style, and saw that the hall was empty. We also noticed that the walls were bare.
"No cameras?" asked Aislin.
"Seems not." I said. "Let's go."
"They can make cameras pretty damned small, you know." David said.
"David, by this point, I'm convinced that the walls are eyes." I said. "But what are we supposed to do? Stay in this closet? There's always cameras in janitor's closets! People steal sponges! Now allons-y!"
I shoved him out the door, and followed close after. Aislin looked at Deirdre, shrugged, and they followed suit. The hall streched off into both directions, well-lit by unseen light sources. We pause, and look both ways. Each direction seems equally empty.
"Ok, now what?" Deirdre asked.
"We go that way." said David, pointing. When we gave him a puzzled look, he shrugged and said "Or we could just stay here, and stare dumbly."
We went in the direction he had indicated, each giving him a Gibbs-style head slap on the way past. Wincing with each, he headed up the rear. Before too long, we reach the end of the corridor. There are no doors, no windows, only a wall and a torch.
"Well, that's just spiffy." I say. "Superbly done, Seraph."
David looked annoyed, but as he was about to respond, part of the wall turned into a display screen. A robotic voice "Sarcasm Detected. Phase I testing initiated."
"Yes, rather superb indeed." he said, smirking smugly.
"Let's just do this 'testing'. Which worries me, by the way." I said, ignoring the throbbing behind my eyeballs.
The screen showed four groups of symbols, separated into four quadrants. One quadrant appeared to be symbols in both cuneiform and Roman numerals, one showed symbols that I didn't recognize, one showed images of fruit, and the fourth showed four geometric shapes, a square, a circle, a triangle, and a trapezoid.
"Ok, so... Roman numerals, Akkadian numerals, bizarre squiggles, geometric shapes, and... fruit? We're screwed." Deirdre said.
I, however, was grinning widely. David gave me a puzzled glance, but soon caught on.
"It's Pi." I said. "Pi!"
Aislin thought for a moment, but then slowly began to nod.
"But if that was the answer, wouldn't it have done something when you said it?" she asked.
"Nope." I said. "I have to do this first."
I used my finger to trace a line from the middle of the circle to the edge. The wall before us shimmered out of existence, revealing a staircase. While we ascend the stairs, Aislin asked "Ok, I get the numerals, and the squiggles are probably some kind of extinct or unknown foreign language. But what about the fruit?"
"Those did confuse me at first." I admitted. "But then I noticed the one in the lower left."
"The banana and the milk carton?"
"Not milk, Aislin. Cream."
"A banana...and cream." she said, suddenly getting it. "God damn it, that's not funny."
"Not a bit." I agreed, chuckling. "But it was useful."
The staircase ended at another hallway, with another screen. It has a similar quadrant design, but instead of pictographs, there were solid planes of color. One red, one yellow, one green, one blue. As we approached, the yellow panel flashed. We shrugged collectively, and Deirdre touched the yellow panel. It flashed again, and was followed by the blue one."
"Simon?" I said, groaning. "You've got to be kidding me."
"No trouble." said Deirdre. "I am the master of Simon."
I was somewhat skeptical, but said nothing. I suck out loud at Simon. Devin proved herself true to her word, as even I lost track of her movements, and finally the wall vanished. Corridor 3 stretched out before us, and I had a thought.
"Just what in hell is going on here?" I asked rhetorically. "I was expecting more 'pew pew pew' with an evil overlord flanked by hordes robotic minions, and just about no playing of Quizmania with the hallways."
"Maybe he didn't build the place." theorized Aislin. "Maybe he came across it much as we did, and passed the tests."
"The 'Castle Heterodyne' method, huh?" I asked.
"At this point, I'm willing to consider just about anything." she said. "So. Puzzle Three, what could it be?"
"Please stop that, it's starting to hurt." I said.
"Sure thing! You're the expert!" David piped up from behind us.
With effort, we let that go.
The wall at the end of the corridor has a display panel much as the others did, however this one only had the words "P1 and P2, stand on the platforms."
"What platforms?" I wondered aloud, just as to square nine by nine checkerboard patterns to appear beneath Aislin and I. Four of the sub-squares had arrows, and the center one had a dot. I recognized the design, and my reaction was both immediate and pronounced. "Aw, hell naw!"
"Come on, Wil." insisted Aislin. "I know you've got moves!"
"When did you come by that bit of info?" I asked.
"As we met." she declared firmly.
"Right." I said, adjusting to a more prepared pose. "Let's do this, then."
"Co-operative mode engaged." said the robotic voice. "First round: Axel F."
The theme from Beverly Hills Cop began playing, and arrows began to scroll down the wall. I had never played DDR before, but seemed to be doing reasonably well. We finished Round 1 with zero errors.
"Perfect round. Rank: AAA. Second round: Secret Agent Man."
Round 2 was shorter, but with a faster tempo. It was, of course, no match for us.
"Perfect round. Rank: AAA. Third round: Battle Theme from Final Fantasy VIII."
"Odd." I noted aloud. Aislin gave me a questioning look, but the round began before I could explain. The energetic beat was both normal length and quick tempoed, but soon fell along with the others. "Hey Bulldog", "Force Your Way", Weird Al's "Yoda", and "The Red Wings" soon followed suit.
"Seems a bit Final Fantasy weighted." Aislin said. "Did you notice?"
"That's not all I noticed." I began, but before I could explain, the robotic voice said "Beginner Level Complete." I smiled, and looked relieved. "Expert Level beginning."
"Wait, what about 'Advanced'?" I protested.
"Skill level exceeds Advanced Level." said the voice.
"Oh, that's nice to hear." I said, vaguely complimented. "What are the differences between Beginner and Expert mode?"
"Play involves four people." listed the computer. "Songs are more difficult. Pad motion mode is active."
"Pad motion mode?" I asked, once again simultaneous with the answer.
The wall shimmered out, but instead of a staircase, another room was on the other side, doubling the size of the space. Two more pads appeared, and a cylindrical display screen descended into the middle, and the four pads merged into a circle. Deirdre and David approached with a kind of nervous confidence, and the computer said "Players 3 and 4, start."
"Pad Motion Mode. Right." I said. "Guys? Don't be afraid to use your hands."
"Round One: J-E-N-O-V-A"
"Oh good. That's only about three minutes." said I said.
"Cover version: The Black Mages."
"...make that six."
The music and arrows begin, and the pads rotate along with the electric guitar. Deirdre and David do delightfully, and soon the demonstration was decided.
"Player One: Rank AAA. Player Two: Rank AAA. Player Three: Rank AAA. Player Four: Rank AAA."
"Wow, you two are limber." Aislin said, impressed.
"Say nothing." I told David warningly.
He remained silent, save for a lecherous smirk. I shuddered, but also sighed inwardly with relief.
"Round Two: Gerudo Valley. Cover version: the Red Wings."
"..." I thought inwardly.
The fast-paced desert beat passed quickly, and another perfect score heralded its end.
"Expert Level mastered. Legendary mode unlocked. Prize for completion is immediate teleportation to the end of the Puzzle Zone. Do you wish to continue through the door, or attempt Legendary Mode?"
"What do you think, guys?" I asked.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say that if this is the third puzzle, then judging by parts one and two, the difficulty curve is a very, very steep one, and that we don't want to continue to climb it." said David.
"I think David's arrogance is astonishing." said Aislin. "But if we can bypass the Riddles, Trivia, and Modern Dance section of this, I'm in."
"As am I." said Deirdre.
"Very well, then." I said. "Computer? Continue."
"Final round begins. Song list is as follows. Dancing Mad, as covered by the Black Mages. The Decisive Battle, FFVI version, covered by the Black Mages. Axel F, from the film "Beverly Hills Cop. "J-E-N-O-V-A", by the Black Mages. "Ambush Attack" from Final Fantasy IX. "The Winner", from Final Fantasy VIII. Arrows will scroll on the walls, and the floor will be used in its entirety. The playlist will be random. There will be no pauses between songs. You have five minutes to prepare, and one final chance to withdraw."
"Damn." I said. "That's almost 45 solid minutes of dancing."
"That's something I've been wondering about." Aislin said. "You know a lot about these songs."
"Yes." I said. "They're all songs that I own. I've literally heard them hundreds of times."
Aislin looks about to interject, but I interrupt. "It doesn't make much sense to me either. But I can roll with it."
Five minutes of idle chatter later, the lighting changed to a bright pink, with other colors flahing here and there. It's evocative of a rave, I suspect deliberately. As the opening bars of "Axel F" begin, we exchange nods, and begin to DDR as no one had ever DDRed before. We continue gymnastically through "The Decisive Battle" and "Ambush Attack", waltz, tango, and foxtrot through "Dancing Mad", hop, skip and jump through "J-E-N-O-V-A", and soft-shoe triumphantly through the triumphant trumpets of "The Winner".
"Flawless Victory. You four are the true Lords of the Dance, never let anyone tell you differently."
After a group high-five, the computer made an announcement.
"Prepare for immediate teleportation to the Combat Zone."
"The what now?" I said. "You didn't mention a Combat Zone."
"You did not request this information." the computer said, initiating the teleport.
"Right." I said. "I suppose I didn't."
"Did the computer just 'you didn't ask' us?" said Deirdre annoyedly.
"It's what they do." I responded, shrugging.
The teleport had dropped us in yet another brightly lit corridor, which we followed to its terminus.
"Hey, a door." I said. "How novel."
David kind of grunted at this, and we continued through to the other side. There was a large circular room, with the walls, ceiling, and floor fashioned of the same fluorescent material that the hallways were. It was empty, save for us. We entered, and approached the center.
"I have a bad feeling about this." I said, and at the same moment, we reached the center of the room. The door we came through shut, and subsequently vanished. Then the lights went out, and an odd fog permeated the room.
"You just HAD to say it, didn't you." scolded David.
We hear doors open with a classic swoosh, and then hear the sound of many metal feet approaching. A creepy metallic voice speaks, seemingly from a speaker or similar device.
"They must be dead by now. Finish what's left of them!"
From the perspective of an outside observer, the next scene would be somewhat impressive. The fog was sucked out through vents, and in the center were four very pissed off-looking humans, one holding a ball of destructive force in her hand, one whose fingers were glowing, one who was simply grinning maniacally, and a fourth who was standing dramatically and generating a blue spherical forcefield.
"Uh-oh." said a robotic voice from nearby.
"Roger roger." said another.
I'd have facepalmed if it wouldn't have taken my eyebrows off. Instead, I channeled my feeling of 'ugh' into droid-slagging. I noticed with some admiration that our blasts passed easily through Deirdre's shield, while the droid's shots were being deflected. That kind of control takes skill. Once the droids had all been reduced to their constituent elements, the lights came back on. A door opened on the far side of the room, but the door we had come through stayed gone. There was also no sign of the doors the droids had come through.
"Well, it seems our path is obvious." I said. "Allons-y!"
We go through the door into the next room, which appears identical to the one we just left. I looked behind me to make sure we weren't coming through a door in the room behind us. The door vanished as soon as we stepped through, and soon the lights went off. The sound of metallic footsteps was once again evident, and we prepared to kick more shiny metal ass. Deirdre was the first to report troubles.
"I can't form a shield!" she said, alarmed.
"I'm having trouble with my blades." David reported.
"My pulses feel weak." Aislin said.
"Yeah, my beams are shot, too." I said. "Well, we could fight. Or I could 'port us back to the Puzzle Section."
"Backtrack?" Aislin asked. "Won't that piss off the computer?"
"Well, we can't stay here." David pointed out. "With no weapons or shield, we'd be killed faster than you can say 'like, Zoinks!'"
"Ok." I said. "One Tactical Scooby Maneuver coming right up!"
I 'ported us back to the Puzzle Section, and another teleport activates immediately afterwards.
"That last one wasn't me." I said.
"No, it was me." a robotic voice said. The walls of the new room lit up, and the room was suddenly illuminated, but in a golden light rather than the previous white. A figure appeared in the center of the room, in the form of a woman. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and was clad in what appeared to be some kind of armor. She continued to speak.
"You have proven your ingenuty by demonstrating pi, and demonstrated your quickness through the game known as 'Simon'. You showed strength and courage in defeating the battle contructs, and you showed wisdom as well as valor in realizing the difference between a battle lost and a battle you cannot win. You have proven yourselves worthy of your destinies, Avatars. So let me, Freyja, be the first to welcome you." She made a sweeping gesture with her arm, and the walls go transparent, revealing a vast network of machinery, portals, and stars. "This is Asgard, the hub of the Multiverse, and Base of the Roads."
"Wow." I said, gawking like a tourist.
"Wil." Aislin said, grabbing back my attention. "We're here for an evil overlord, remember? Accomplished sorcerer and scientist? Ring a bell?"
"I know of the one of whom you speak." Freyja mentioned. "He passed the tests by some manner of Magitech trickery, and managed to use our portals to send several of his battle constructs through to your world before we realized his true intentions. We imprisoned him in a force cage shortly afterwards."
"Well, he's why we're here." Aislin continued. "Could you send him back to our universe, preferably into a cell at the Key of Solomon Agency?"
"Consider it done." Freyja responded warmly. "His father will be pleased to have him back. And I do enjoy helping Merlin."
"His father?" I said, puzzled. "That makes no sense for a number of reasons..."
"Yes, young Mordred always has been a bit of a mystery. And always meddling where he shouldn't, too." said Freyja.
"Mordered. Why am I not surprised..." I said, finally deciding to ignore the absurdity of our situation.
"Could you send us home?" Aislin asked. "Wil can teleport, but not interdimensionally."
"Yet." I added, somewhat indignantly.
"Certainly. But I must insist that you wait until tomorrow." said Freyja. "Interdimensional travel puts stress on the human body if done too often in close temporal proximity. We have rooms that you can use, but first I'd imagine you have many questions."
"Thank you, Freyja." I said. "I suppose my first question would be 'just what is this place?'."
"This is Asgard." Freyja began. "It was built many eons ago by a powerful race, in order to monitor the many passages between universes, dimensions, and timelines, and to facilitate travel between them. They built in a high degree of automation, in order to avoid needing to have a permanent crew."
"Why would they do that?" asked Deirdre. "I mean, if I were to build a fancy Dimensional Monitoring Station, I'd want to keep an eye on it."
"Their race was possessed of an incurable wanderlust." Freyja explained. "To remain in any one place for a significant stretch of time was anathema to them."
"So who are you, then?" asked Aislin.
"I am an artificial intelligence programmed to watch over Asgard for all eternity, modeled in their image, but able to be content in one place."
"They must have looked human." I observed.
"They still do." Freyja clarified. "Or rather, humans look like them. They seeded many worlds in many universes with the beginnings of life. Some were meant to appear similar to themselves. Others were meant to look quite different. But all were meant to achieve sentience, and seek out their forebears."
"Then did they leave a forwarding address?" I asked drily.
"Of course." Freyja said. "How else would I inform them of a malfunction?"
"Then will you tell us?" I asked, more eager this time.
"Of course not. Each must find their own way."
"If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago." recited Aislin.
David, Deirdre, and Freyja give her a puzzled look, and I chuckle. She continued. "Never mind. One other question. Why did you have a DDR game with Wil's music collection?"
"Well, it'd hardly be fair to use Nimbula music, you don't have enough feet." Freyja explained. "And among you four, he had the largest collection of high-tempo, instrumental music."
Seeing my puzzled look, she said "You carry this collection with you. On a primitive data storage device in your left pocket. I scanned it when you arrived."
I checked my pocket, and pulled out my SD card, the one I use with my MP3 player. "Huh." I said. "Must have fallen out."
"But why a DDR tournament at all?" Aislin pressed. "The other tests proved 'courage' and 'wisdom' and stuff. What did the DDR test prove? Flexibility?"
Freyja smiled puckishly, and said "It proves just how boring it can be running a teleport hub solo, and how far one might go for amusement."
If looks could kill, Freyja would have been a sizzling heap of junk at that point. We decided to turn in, and Freyja directed us to a chamber with soft, metallic pillows and gemstone colored sheets.
"Ostentatious much?" David observed wryly.
"I like it." I said. "It's colorful."
We soon drifted off to sleep, but were awoken in only a few hour's time. We were not awoken by Freyja, however, but by flashing mauve lights and blaring klaxons. We hurried to the audience room where we had spoken to Freyja previously.
"Freyja!" I called out. "What's going on?"
"We're under attack!" her voice came over a P.A. system. "It's the Entropists!"
"The who?" I asked, but am staggered by a violent rocking of the station.
"Damn! Entropy charges!" said Freyja. "Listen carefully, we haven't much time. The Entropists are a fanatical cult determined to destroy the fabric of reality itself. You alone can stop them. You and the other Avatars. Go to the elevator, quickly! I'll explain on the way."
A door opens on the far side of the room, and we hurry in. Freyja's voice continues as we descend amid the shockwaves.
"There is a prophecy in the Akashic Records of a time when entropy will threaten all of existence. It's known as the Prophecy of the Eight, and goes on to say that only through the Avatars working as one could disater be averted. The combined powers of the Eight Elements are said to be able to prevent Ragnarok."
The elevator stops, and the doors open. There is a platform resembling a transporter pad from Star Trek, and a pedestal appears before it. On the pedestal, what looks like a watch shimmers into existence.
"This is a database of the Multiverse. Take it, it will guide you. Now, quickly! Onto the dimensional focus!"
We step onto the pad, and Freyja speaks some odd sounding calculations, and then continues in English.
"Now sending!" she said, almost shouting to be heard over the blasts. "For the sake of the Multiverse, you must not fail! Believe in yourselves! Trust each other! Help those in need! And remember, no one is beyond redemption! Calculations complete! Chronodimensional teleportation engage- AAHHHHH!"
Her pronouncement was cut off by an oddly human scream, one that conveyed more pain than I would have thought a scream could.
"Freyja!" David called, but by then the teleport was active, and I once again redefined my notions of 'pain'. There was a blinding flash of light, followed by the sweet darkness of unconsciousness.
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