Chapter 1: Spark

As I opened my eyes, the day seemed much like any other. But then, it always does in the first few seconds of wakefulness. As I recovered my mental resources, two things occurred to me. The first thing to occur to me was that my college semester had ended the previous Friday, and I therefore had no reason to be awake. The second thing was that I was hovering about six inches above my futon. Clearly, I have my priorities in order. After the mental equivalent of a double-take, I fell back down, suddenly very glad that I no longer sleep directly on the floor. As I laid there, now fully awake, I recalled a dream I had had the previous night. My memories of it were uncommonly lucid, and it went something like this:

(cue classic "cut to dream sequence" music and blurry transition)

Wil Zurn stands in the center of a circle. The circle seems to be hanging in nothingness, and its color changes slowly and psychedelically. We begin at a point above his head, but then zoom in to a vantage point seemingly as his eyes. The landscape changes, we are now on a mountain, hiking along a trail. At the end of the trail, there is a shack. Wil enters the shack. The interior is much larger than the exterior, and resembles a cross between a cathedral, a stupa, and an old monastic library. A long hallway leads in from the door, and Wil follows it. As he passes one of the many doors, a voice from the other side calls out:

"It is good that you are here! Come in!"

Wil goes through the door, and enters a well-furnished kitchen, where an odd man is making soup. It is hard to say what's odd about the man, and it may well simply be the oddness of the structure rubbing off on him. If nothing else, he was capable of making an uncommonly tasty-smelling soup. Wil asks "What is this place?"

The man hardly seems to notice him, and replies "It's my home. Grab me the salt, would you?"

Wil hands him the salt, and asks "Why am I here?"

The man adds a few pinches of salt to his soup, and says distractedly: "Because I brought you here. Pass me the oregano."

Wil gives him the oregano, and asks "Why did you bring me here?"

The man adds a dash of oregano, and replies aloofly: "Because I need you for something. Paprika."

Wil ferries over the paprika, and asks "What do you need me for?"

The man sets down the paprika, looks directly at Wil, and replies "I need you to be rational."

Wil's entire field of vision is overtaken by the psychedelic circle from before, and the dream ends.

(cue "end dream sequence" music and fade out)

Before you ask, I don't do drugs. I barely touch caffeine. I just have an unusually bizarre subconscious. As it turns out the dream didn't come from there, either, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. On a whim, I pictured the psychedelic circle from my dream, and found myself floating again. "Huh." I said to nobody in particular. "Cool."

I found that I could move whilst hovering, and glided off of my bed onto the floor. I realized at this point that I was hungry, so I descended the stairs into the kitchen. I half-expected to see them man from my dream standing there, cooking soup. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't. Equally unsurprisingly, my mother was sitting at the table, eating breakfast.

She noticed my entrance, and said "I'm surprised to see you up."

"You have no idea..." I replied, and was about to elaborate about my dream and newly found buoyancy, but got the distinct yet inexplicable impression that it would be a bad idea to do so, so I addressed her quizzical look by saying "Er, what I meant was that I'm surprised too."

She grunted noncommittally at this, and went on to say "I'm working today, so you'll have the house to yourself this morning."

"Not to myself, silly Mumsy." I said. "Naomi's here."

"Ah, silly Mumsy indeed." she replied, amused.

"Anyway, I might go out today anyway." I continued.

"Oh? Where to?"

"Just around. It's a beautiful day."

"Well, be careful."

"Only always."

She continued eating her oatmeal, and I grabbed a box of chocolate Chex on my way to the TV room. I settled into my usual chair, and put a TiVoed "Robot Chicken" on the screen. I felt a gentle brushing against my ankle, followed by a not-so-gentle nudge. I smiled and looked down. The butterscotch-colored rabbit dubbed "Naomi" stared back up at me. I mussed the fluff on her head affectionately, and said "Good morning, mei mei. Did you sleep well? After last night, I'm not even sure what that means anymore." I stopped fuzzing her head, and regarded the diminutive creaturw with a mixture of askance, amusement, and affection. She stared back at me with an unmistakable request for additional attention. When none was forthcoming, she hopped away disappointedly. I chuckled to myself and unpaused the TiVo.

Mom soon left for work, and I began preparing for my outing. I had decided to practice my levitation in an open, yet secluded place. Fortunately, I knew a few of these places. I dressed quickly in a black t-shirt emblazoned with the royal crest of Hyrule, green cargo shorts, and my usual socks and shoes. I soon was on my bicycle, and off to the County Grounds. This was an oddly discongruous wooded area smack in the middle of Wauwatosa. It was popular with dog walkers, but not during the day on weekdays. It was also very close to the medical complex, which houses two of the best hospitals in the state.

So, open, secluded, and neat to emergency medical facilities. Perfect!

Chapter 0: Kindling

Call me Ishmael. It's not my name, but your using it would make me laugh. Laughing is fun. I'm Wilhelm Mikhail Zurn, but my friends call me Wil. I suppose you could, too. We're not exactly friends, but you're obviously a reader with discriminating tastes, and I can work with that.

A while ago,some strange stuff happened. It was the interesting kind of strange, so I thought I'd write it all down and try to get it all straight in my own head. Of course, there's always the possibility of publication, sales, royalty checks and such, and those are neat, too. Plus, I really do love telling stories. Anyway, I've found that the best place to begin these things is at the beginning, if there is such a thing. There is, in this case. It begins at about 7:30 AM, on May 11, 2009 A.D.

A Slight Introduction

*Vivaldi's "Primavera Allegro" begins playing, and lights come up to reveal a figure in a leather chair in a dusty library*

Hello, I am Aislin Avari, and this is Masterpiece Theatre. The following production is a bit of light fiction that I've been scribbling in my spare time, mainly for my own amusement. I've found that if you're actually writing with a pen, most professors assume that you're taking notes. Anyway, one of the goals of this work is to use as many cliches as blatantly as possible. This is partly to avoid being derivative, as it draws from almost everything. Mostly, it is for the lulz. If something seems too obvious, I probably meant it that way. Chuckle, move on. Or leave a comment, whatever makes you happy. The story is narrated in first person style by William Alexei Zurn, who is of course the protagonist. I may or may not make an appearance later on, as it depends on how you define "me". So, without further ado, the story begins. Take it away, Wil!

* "Primavera" ends, and is supplanted by John Philip Sousa's "Liberty Bell March" which ends not with a bang, but with a fart sound.*