Chapter 6: Inferno

As interrogation rooms go, this one definitely had class. All gleaming steel and shining glass, with nary a bare bulb in sight. I suppose it was meant to feel institutional. I sat in a chair, facing a simple steel desk, awaiting my interrogator. I get that they're busy, but it was just rude to keep me waiting that long. Shortly after I had that thought, a somewhat burly-looking guy came in, followed by a more wiry-looking fellow. They wore uniforms of some kind, and sat down opposite me. The wiry one began to speak.

“This is going to be a lot easier if you cooperate. Here's how this will go, provided that you do do. I ask questions, you give me answers. We finish our little chat, we go our separate ways.”

I kind of stared blankly at him.

“Right then, we'll begin. What is your name?”

“Luke Skywalker.” I said, as seriously as I could manage.

“I see.” the wiry guy continued. “What do you know about Elia Terranova?”

“Well, I reckon that it has a few more vowels than is average, and sounds vaguely Italian.” I said, still keeping my poker face.

“Mmm hm.” he said, making notations on his pad. “Tell me about Planar Metaphysics.”

“I have no idea what that is.” I said. “Sounds complicated.”

“Right then. It seems our assessments were correct. We're going to have to use enhanced persuasion to get our answers.”

“That's a euphemism for 'torture', isn't it?” I asked.

“Ideally, we'd be the ones asking questions, Mr. Zurn.” the wiry guy said. “But I'll humor you. Yes, it is.”

“Lovely.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

They moved me through a few corridors, all gleaming white. They sat me down in a cell, somewhat round, with a drain in the center. There was a camera and a speakerphone on the wall, and I wondered if a copy of 1984 had slipped through from our universe. The cell, corridors, and interrogation chamber all had an odd kind of psychic static permeating it, similar to the ones the Cylon things used, but somehow different as well. I worked on filtering it out while pretending to nap, but it was slow going. I wondered idly if Aislin was going through the same thing. Eventually, a guard came and took me to a room which was empty, save for a table with straps on it. It looked like it could easily hold a person, and I was quite sure that was its purpose. The speculation was rendered moot when the guard and several of his cohorts strapped me in. They didn't cut off any circulation, but there was no wiggle room, either. A door opened, and a tall, lean man with dark hair and darker eyes strode in. He sent the guards out with a quick motion of his hand, and turned to me.

“Niccolo Donatello, I presume.” I said. “Forgive me for not shaking your hand, but I'm a bit tied up at the moment.”

“Yes, quite.” he said with a slight chuckle. “Let's skip the pleasantries, then.”

“I took that as a given when leather straps came into the equation.” I said.

“We need not be enemies, Wil.” he said. “May I call you Wil?”

“It is my name.”

“Very well.” he segued. “You and I are both men of vision. Of great potential. We both see the world as incomplete. We both see how it could be improved. And we both have the power to improve it. Why would we not take advantage of this power?”

“Because with great power comes great responsibility.” I said, narrowly avoiding an eye-roll.

“Ah, the Gospel of Uncle Ben.” he said, laughing. “I agree. We, those with power, have the responsibility to mold the world into a better place.”

“Yeah, but I don't buy into that 'noblesse oblige' bull puckey.” I said. “I'm no better than any other person, merely because I can blow stuff up in new and interesting ways. My view of how the world should be is about as relevant as the opinion of my pet rabbit on Singapore's economy.”

“It would be such a waste to have to seal your power along with the others.” he said. “I will offer you one final chance to join me.”

“Look, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.” I said.

“Oh? And why is that?”

“I could never work with someone who dresses as cliched as you do. I mean, a red silk suit? Seriously? Hell called, they want their rag bin back. Oh, and MI6 is on Line Two. They want to know what you've done with James Bon-”

I was cut off by a searing pain in my lower leg. It seems that Niccolo had lost his cool in my direction, in the form of a fireball. He stalked out of the room, and signaled to one of the guards. The guard spoke into a radio briefly, but before I could make anything out, the door slammed shut. The table started to tilt backwards slightly, and I saw that the room was taller than I had previously suspected. There was also a window set into the wall a few meters up. Niccolo's voice came through an unseen speaker.

“I'm beginning the extraction process now.” he said. “I'd say you won't feel a thing, but I honestly have no idea. We haven't had the chance to test the apparatus. Just know that if you don't make it through, you'll have benefited science immeasurably.”

“Fantastic.” I said, unable to muster much in the way of enthusiasm.

There was a mechanical whirring sound from above, and a rather frightening device lowered from the ceiling, a visual cross between a 1940's vintage ray gun and a Shop-Vac. I closed my eyes, and furiously began chipping away at the mental static. It was like trying to save the Titanic with an ice pick, but I didn't feel as if I had much choice. Either I would succeed, or it would be rendered moot. The Ray-Vac continued on downward, and I silently cursed. I always hated the idea of Death By Cliché, and this was a prime example. I heard the Ray-Vac clank into position, and Niccolo said “Beginning Extraction process now. I'd say it's nothing personal, but my ascension to Godhood is very personal to me. If you die, I promise to have mercy on your soul.”

“Frak you, Donatello.” I said, my wit having evacuated the premises.

An electric hum emanated from the device, and it started to glow. I closed my eyes against the brightness. As the humming reached a soaring crescendo, I cringed inwardly. There was the sound of an explosion, a blast of heat, and then... nothing? No, not nothing. It was the same as before, but a tad warmer. I opened my eyes. The Ray-Vac had been reduced to several of its component atoms, Niccolo had vanished from the window, and in the middle of the room, with energy pulses primed, was a very pissed-off looking Aislin. I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for Niccolo, before filing it away under 'the bastard deserves it'.

“Wow.” I said. “Aislin ex machina.”

“Needs work.” she said, blasting my straps. I stood up momentarily, felt a leg give, and readjusted to balance on the other. I was then struck by a thought.

“How are you using your powers?” I asked. “There's intense psychic static here. I can barely hear myself think!”

“I'm using them the same way Donatello is.” she said. “I figured he had a sort of 'personal wavelength' so he wouldn't be affected, and I sort of 'tuned' into it.”

“When we get home, we're going to invent some jargon.” I said ruefully. “I'm not continuing this extended radio metaphor.”

“Fair enough.” she replied. “Can you walk?”

“I can hobble.”

“That's not going to work too well.” she said. “Here, lean on me a bit.”

I did, and she let out a gasp of pain. I eased up momentarily, and noticed that the shoulder I had leaned on was scorched similarly to my leg.

“I was wondering how you knew he could use his power.” I said, switching to the non-crispy side.

“Next time, try non-painful methods of discovery.” she said, wincing slightly.

I took a moment to try the 'tuning', and figured out how to do it.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

“No.” I said. “We can't go yet.”

“Yes we can.” she protested. “We can teleport out and nuke the site from above. It's the only way to be sure.”

“What about Elia?” I asked pointedly. “And the other Physicals? We can't just sacrifice them because they're in our way. I've seen Niccolo, and I don't want to get any of what he is on me.”

“Fair enough.” she said agreeably. “What about David and Deirdre, though?”

“They're out of radio range, and I doubt Niccolo would let us borrow a phone.” I said. “We should try to get ourselves, Elia, and the others to the roof by the time they arrive. We can signal them, and they can pick us up without falling into Donatello's trap.”

“But first, we'll need information.” Aislin pointed out. “Niccolo's office is probably in this building, right?”

“Yeah, and we know his password and filing system.” I said. “Aislin, m'dear? Would you care to join me for a jolly bit of hacking?”

“Indubitably, my good sir.” she responded formally.

And with that, we set off to find an elevator.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Niccolo's office was on the top floor. All of the executive offices were, actually, with each founding member facing a cardinal direction. Donatello's office was to the north, according to a directory near the elevator. Walking up to it, I tried the doorknob.

“It's locked.” I said.

“No problem.” Aislin said. “I brought a key.”

She obliterated the door with an energy pulse, and stepped into the room. I followed as soon as my ears stopped ringing. The office had the usual accoutrements of a desk, window, tea set slash espresso machine, et cetera. Aislin cleared her throat rather pointedly, and I turned around. Against the far wall were three small prison cells, each large enough for one person, with cylindrical walls of force energy. Two of them held people I hadn't met before, and the third held Elia. They all looked rather startled.

“Oh, hi.” I said. “'Sup?”

“Get us out of these things, you тупоумно авторучка!” the Russian-looking woman yelled at me.

“Ok, I didn't catch that last bit, but it sounded rude.” I said. “Where's the off button?”

“It's on his desk, near his pen holder.” the big guy said. As I was moving to release them, I heard him say “I know you're angry, Darya, but he's trying to help. Calling him a stupid wanker is no way to start off a relationship.”

“I also have decent hearing, you know.” I said, a tad loudly. “But I'll let you out anyway.”

I hit the button, and the force walls shimmered out of existence. Elia, Darya, and Peter stepped out of the recesses, and moved away from them.

“So, Elia.” Aislin asked. “Would you care to make introductions?”

“Yes, of course.” she said. “Wil, Aislin. These are my friends, Peter Petrovsky and Darya Darshkova. They are the Avatars of Earth and Air, respectively.”

She turned to her friends, and said “Darya, Peter. This is Wil and Aislin, the Avatars of Order and Chaos. They came to help us.”

“Charmed.” said Aislin. “Now, shall we leave?”

“Not just yet.” I said.

“Aw, come on!” she protested. “We came, we saw, we stormed the Bastille! What more could we want?”

“Donatello's device, and his power, of course.” I said.

Upon receiving a blank look from three simultaneous sources (which is something I had not missed, incidentally), I explained.

“If we can somehow reverse the effects of the device, we can use it to strengthen the Multiverse instead of weaken it.” I began. “I saw the plans earlier, remember? It's designed to create feedback in the Planar Forge, slowly cutting off the flow of Planar energies. But if we could create a sort of 'carrier signal' instead of a feedback pulse, it should make the fabric of reality more like Kevlar and less like tissue paper. Which falls neatly into the category of 'why we're here', if you'll recall.”

“But why take Niccolo's power?” Elia asked. “And how?”

“The device needs the power of all eight Avatars to function.” I said. “As for the 'how', well... we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.”

“Where is this device?” Darya asked. “We do not know if he even constructed it!”

“We do, actually.” Elia interjected. “After I saw the blueprints, I remembered seeing it. He keeps it in his wall safe.”

She strode over to a vaguely ostentatious portrait of Niccolo Donatello, CEO of Donatello Industries (emphasis his), and swung it open. She keyed in a code, and a smaller metal door swung open as well. She withdrew a device that looked like a large pocket watch, and closed the doors once again.

“It's so small.” I said dumbly.

“Well, the best presents do tend to come in small packages.” Aislin pointed out.

“How did you know how to get into his safe?” Peter asked. “He would not have told us his combination.”

“Well, he did say what it was, once.” Darya said. “He said that it corresponded to his-” she broke off in mid sentence, seemingly having an epiphany. “мой бог!” she shouted, and I got the feeling it was a divine oath. Elia kind of blushed, and I didn't press the issue.

“Ok, more pressing question here.” I said, pointedly and hurriedly changing the subject. “How do we turn this thing to reverse?”

“I will do this.” Peter said. “If you have his designs, I can use them to alter it.”

“Good.” I said. “The plans are in his computer, his password is 'Entropy'. Someone should hang back, in case more goons show up.”

“That will be me.” said Darya firmly. “No goon will harm Peter while I yet draw breath.”

“Ok, good.” I said, planning as I was speaking. “Our other friends will be arriving with our airship in about half an hour, I'll tell them to join you. As soon as we have everything, we'll get aboard. Puck will have the location of the best spot for this to go down. Aislin, Elia, and I will go obtain Fire's power, and we'll meet you back here. Sound like a plan?”

There was a round of nods, and us three dashed out to meet an evil overlord. We had been gone for about two seconds, when Darya suddenly asked “Wait. Who's Puck?”

Peter merely shrugged, and went back to work.

----------------------------------------------------------

“He will probably be here, in the building somewhere.” Elia said. “He's not the type to simply run away after being beaten. He will try to strike at us once again.”

“Okay.” I said. “I have an idea.”

Ten minutes later, Niccolo entered the room where he had nearly committed Grand Theft Mojo not too long ago. Elia stood there to greet him.

“Why, Niccolo?” she said. “Why have you betrayed our friendship?”

“It was necessary.” he said. “My power gives me the responsibility to save the world. If I must destroy it first, then so be it.”

'You sound like you believe yourself to be a god.”

“One of supreme power, who creates a universe and is revered by all those beneath. A true god by any definition.”

The psychic static started up, controlled by Aislin and Elia in the control booth. Elia shimmered out of existence, and I stood in her place. Niccolo was shocked for a moment, and I dropped him with a sucker punch in the pause.

“You should have known better, Niccolo.” I said, shaking my head. “The clichéd villains always get beaten by the good guys. That's why it's, you know, a cliché.”

I dragged his insensate form over to the table, and strapped him in. He regained his wits as I was applying the last strap.

“You fool! Do you truly believe that you can defeat a demigod?” he yelled, frothing a bit at the mouth.

“I'm not actually sure.” I said. “But I sure as hell can beat your lame ass.”

I walked toward the door, pausing briefly to signal to Elia to start up the sequence. I then left the room, to watch from above.


“Well, at least he had one good idea.” I said as I entered the room. “Always keep a spare.”

“You never know when 'those meddling kids' will blow up your death ray.” Aislin said, nodding.

The Ray-Vac Mark II finished its ominous descent, and activated. There was a few seconds of blinding light, and then it went quiet. There was a small 'ding' from the console, and a capsule popped out of a door. It was about the size of a double-A battery.

“Essence of Fire.” I said sagely.

“What about Niccolo?” Elia asked.

We peeked out the window, and Niccolo Donatello was laying on the table, twitching slightly.

“I guess he's feeling a bit drained.” I quipped.

Aislin hit me, and I cringed a little.

“Let's go see if he's okay.” I suggested.

“And if he is?” Aislin asked.

“Then depending on what he says, we either help him up, or make him not okay.”

“Works for me.” Elia said, and walked out.

We followed her to the Torture Room, and as we entered, Niccolo raised his head.

“Elia? Is that you?” he said. “Oh, god. I'm so sorry!”

He broke down into an emotional puddle, and Elia started to go over to him, but Aislin held her back.

“Donatello.” she said. “Explain yourself.”

“It was the power of Fire.” he said. “I was careless, I let down my guard. The Evil got into my head, started warping my thoughts. He made me turn on you!”

“You were possessed?” I said skeptically. We already had enough movie archetypes.

“Yes, by Mordred.” he said. “On his last day of teaching all four of us, he took me aside. He had a device of some sort, he called it a 'phylactery'. He said it contained an ifrit, an extradimensional being bound to Fire. He released it from the phylactery, and it began to take over my mind. When you took the power of Fire from me, it was released from my mind. Without another receptacle to go into, it dissipated. I'm free. I'm me!”

“Well, now that it's gone, here's your power back.” I said, moving to return to the control room. “I'll just flip this into reverse, and-”

“NO!” he interrupted me. “I never want anything to do with that cursed power again! I will remain myself, with my own will, or not remain at all!”

“Good answer.” I said, and released his straps. He fell with a thump to the ground, and Elia helped him up.

“Now let's hurry.” I said. “The sooner we strengthen the Multiverse, the better for all of us.”

We hurried and hobbled back to the office, where David and Deirdre were waiting along with Darya and Peter, who was holding the device.

“Niccolo?” Darya said, shocked.

“It's okay.” Elia said. “It's him again.”

She outlined the events of the last ten or so minutes in quick, broad strokes.

“My God...” said Peter.

“That's awful!” exclaimed Deirdre.

“All I can do is hope that someday, I can make up for the things I have done.” said Niccolo. “I will not ask for your forgiveness. I do not deserve it.”

“Indeed not.” Elia said. “After all, only those who have done wrong would deserve forgiveness. You have done nothing that requires forgiveness, so we will not give it to you.”

Then she gave him a hug. Well, 'hug' is something of an understatement. I thought for a moment that she was trying to remove his head via his rib cage. Soon enough, Darya and Peter joined in.

“Right then, almost everything is right in the Multiverse.” I said. “Let's take care of that last little thing.”

We boarded the Freyja, and headed to coordinates that Puck had provided discreetly. When I realized that the coordinates were on Easter Island, I came very close to swearing. Honestly, this frickin' world...

We arrived at the island a few days later, and Puck set the Freyja into a low hover. We disembarked one by one, and headed to the center of the island. I took a seat on the head of a moai, and addressed the crew.

“It's been a long road, getting from there to here. It's been a long time, but our time is finally near. And we will see our dream-” I was interrupted by Aislin shoving me off of the statue. I landed nearby with a chuckle.

“Ok, ok. According to the plans, we each place a hand on the watch thingy. It has a spot where the Fire Battery can connect, which I suspect was deliberate. I suggest we not think about that too much. Well, unless someone else has a flowery motivational speech, I say we get this thing done.”

“Sounds fine by me.” David said. There was a general murmur of assent, and we gathered in a circle around the watch. Peter plugged in the Fire Battery, and we each laid a finger on the casing. Nothing happened.

“Er, Peter? Are you sure you- WOAH!” I began to ask, but was cut off by the device's activation. It started to glow brightly, and it almost hurt to look at it. It began to shimmer with more colors than I'd know how do describe, and a fierce wind picked up. It rose off of the ground, still glowing incandescently, with a veritable whirlwind swirling around it. I felt a drop on my face, and looked up. A massive thunderstorm had formed around the island, soaking everything around. The watch glowed even brighter, and it released a beam of pure white light straight up, which branched out into strands, forming a web of light which seemed to capture the sky, before pulsing once, twice, a third time. Then it disappeared, along with the glow, the storm, and the watch, leaving eight very soggy Avatars on the island.

“You were saying something?” Peter asked after a moment.

“Nope.” I said. “Nothing at all.”

Then we all broke out into laughter, the weariness of the past few days being felt.

“What was with the storm?”

About an hour had passed, and Aislin and I were sitting on opposite moai, facing each other. Elia and Niccolo had gone somewhere for a stroll, and the others were playing in the surf. What can I say? Beaches are awesome, especially on tropical islands. I answered Aislin's question.

“I figure it was to boost the Elemental reaction.” I theorized. “We were on an island, surrounded by the ocean. The storm started throwing lightning and wind around, and set a few bushes ablaze.”

“Ah.” she said, epiphanizing. “Fire, water, earth, and air. Plus, the creation of ozone from the charged air, the destruction of several plants, and of course the order of the ritual and the chaos of the storm itself.”

“Wow. You're smarter than you look.” I said.

She pushed me into the water. Sometimes I think my mouth is out to kill me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

After some time, we left Easter Island, and dropped the Physical Avatars off at Donatello Industries. They bade us farewell, and we flew off triumphantly into the sunset. Totally my idea.

“So, now what?” I asked.

“Now, we go home.” said Puck.

“How do we do that?” I asked. “It took the power of Asgard to send us here in the first place. How are we supposed to-”

I was interrupted by a flash of light. The view out the window changed, and I noted the Sears Tower.

“So.” I said. “Chicago.”

“Yep.” Puck said. “By the way, Freyja sends her thanks, and wanted me to tell you that she'd be happy to have guests again someday, but for the moment, she's very busy recalibrating Asgard.”

“Well, so long as everything's okay.” I said.

“What about the part where we're in a large flying ship, hovering over Chicago?” Aislin asked.

“Oh. Oh snap.”

“Need some assistance?” came a familiar voice over the ship's radio.

A few hours later, the Freyja was parked in a hangar at O'Hare, safely covered in several layers of security and a good cover story. Merlin stood at the door along with Neil as we disembarked.

“Well.” he said, his eyes sparkling merrily. “It would seem you've been busy.”

“You have no idea.” I said. “But I can tell you all about it, on one condition.”

“Oh?” he asked. “And what would that be?”

“You provide lunch, we'll provide the story.”

“Deal.” he said, chuckling. “Come, I know a place that makes the most divine bagel sandwiches.”

And so, after facing puzzles, gods, angels, demons, and our own frailties, we went to have a nice chat over bagels.




END BOOK I

Chapter 5: Backfire

I woke up in a field. Not the containment kind, the open, grassy kind. It's always a field that dimensional travelers get dumped into, isn't it? Just once, I'd like to see someone land in a rice paddy or Times Square, just for variety's sake. Anyway, I tried to stand up, but soon decided that standing could wait. There was a solid wall of pain at about my height. After laying down and whimpering quietly in a very non-manly way, I decided to review my memories. You know, get everything straight, make sure I hadn't lost any. I mentally scanned through what I knew of the Avatars, Planar Metaphysics, the Key of Solomon Agency, Merlin, Morgan, Freyja, Asgard, the Entropic Crisis, and that damned jingle from Pizza Patio. I then took stock of myself, and felt as if I was mostly intact, but I was fairly sure that I had misplaced my spleen somewhere along the way. After all of this, which didn't actually take more than a few moments, I decided to try out my voice.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed in pain. Noting that my voice worked properly, I dropped my usual inhibitions and let loose a string of obscenities that would have gotten me arrested in several Southern states. I closed my eyes briefly, and when I reopened them, I saw Deirdre staring down at me.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" she said with faux cheeriness.

"Gyahh.." I said, half-startled.

"Still hurting from that teleport?" she asked.

"No, it feels all better." I said. "Except for the parts that are attached to me. Have you seen my spleen anywhere?"

"It's over there, by your pride and your dignity." she said. I groaned. She bent over and beeped my nose. "Now come on, we oughta find the others!" she said, running off.

"But, pain..." I began to protest, but soon realized that I had sat up during the very same protest."Nose beep!" I said declaratively, remembering Deirdre's healing powers. Feeling better, I got up and dashed off after Deirdre. However, I'm soon flat on my face again with a shout of "waagh!". This was not my day. The object on the ground that had snagged my foot said "Ow! What the hell!", and I saw that it was Aislin. I quickly apologised and rolled off of her, finishing with an 'ow' on behalf of my knees.

"So." I said gamely. "How's things?"

"I think I misplaced my spleen." she said.

"I know how you feel." I said, nodding. "Have you seen Deirdre?"

"Not since we landed." Aislin said.

"She must be looking to beep David's nose." I postulated.

Aislin regarded me oddly, and I explained. "In order to heal him."

"Huh."

A bit of time passes silently, and finally, Aislin says "Does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"

"A bit." I said. "And that one resembles a dragon."

"That looks like a zeppelin." she said.

"What? No, see there's the wings..." I began, but soon noticed the distinctive form of a large balloon with a gondola and propellors.

"Oh, now I see it." I said lamely. "Yep, definitely a zeppelin."

"Time travel?" Aislin suggested.

"Maybe." I said. "But unless the pocket dimension of Asgard was a grassy plain with zeppelins in a past life, I think 'alternate dimension' is more likely."

"That doesn't rule out time travel." Aislin pointed out.

"I never said it did." I said. "I wonder how we could find out?"

"We could ask the natives." Aislin suggested.

"Sure." I said sarcastically. "How do you do, sir. We're the Avatars of the Metaphysical planes of the Multiverse, can you tell us which dimension this is?"

Aislin scowls at me, and I feel chagrined. "Sorry." I said. "Bad interdimensional teleportation makes me cranky."

"Evidently." she said. "We do need information, though. How do you suggest we come by it?"

I was about to admit that I really had no idea, when my watch said "Well, you could try asking me."

"Did your watch just talk?" Aislin asked.

"Uh-huh." I said dumbly.

"Has it done this before?" she asked.

"Uh-uh." I said, just as dumbly.

"Remember back on Asgard? Right before Freyja teleported you out, she produced a wrist mounted database." said my watch.

"Yes, I recall that." I said.

"During the teleport, its systems were fused with your wrist chronometer, resulting in little old me." It continued.

"But how would a database and a regular timepiece fuse into something with a personality?" Aislin asked.

"Who's to say I have a personality?" my watch asked.

"I do." responded Aislin. "If you were just a talking computer, you'd have just said 'insufficient data' or something."

"Clever." it said. "Very clever."

"You know, for a database, it's awfully reluctant to give out information." I said. "Aislin?"

"Hmm?"

"Didn't you mention once that your uncle was a watchmaker?" I asked, winking. "Not Niel, the other one."

"Yeah." she responded, playing along. "He taught me a lot about picking apart small timepieces."

"I hear they're easy to break." I said, pretending to ignore my watch. "Even winding them too much can cause them to stop ticking forever."

"Yeah, they make such sounds when damaged." she said, suppressing a chuckle. "Almost like they're screaming."

"Gaah! Ok, ok!" exclaimed my watch. "I was just kidding! I'll explain everything! Just keep the tweezers away!"

"From the top, then?" I asked, with one arm folded skeptically, and another holding the watch on front of my face.

"Sure, sure." it said, in what I would have sworn was a pacifying tone of voice. "Your watch, the Timex. You've worn it for years, right?"

"Yeah, like, the last seven." I said. "Every hour of the day, sans showers."

"And you never thought that such an item would absorb things of yourself?" it asked.

"Come again?" I asked dumbly.

"A wristwatch is a highly personal item." it continued. "It gathers a sort of psychic residue, an echo of your aura. It's what we in the business refer to as a 'talisman'. During the teleport, that residual psychic energy blended together with the database watch, and formed a sort of artificial intelligence, with a personality based on your own, as well as experiences you had while wearing the watch."

"So you're like, Wil Jr.?" Aislin asked, clearly amused.

"In a sense." it said.

"That certainly explains your stubbornness." she said.

"And my in-depth knowledge of all things sci-fi." it agreed.

"Ok, ok. very funny." I said, regaining some conversational control. "But we won't call you 'Wil Jr.'. That's too creepy."

"It's funny, though." Aislin said.

"C'mon, Dad!" it said.

"Don't call me that." I said. "Anyway, you're roughly circular, and have the personality of a trickster. I should know, after all. How's the name 'Puck' strike you?"

"Like a disgruntled baseball team." it said.

"Aww, it inherited your ability to metaphor." Aislin said playfully. "How cute."

"Enough!" I said irritably.

Aislin and Puck giggled slightly. My face darkened slightly, but soon returned to normal.

"Ok, Puck." I said. "If you're a database, tell us where we are."

"We are on Earth." he said. "It is the equivalent of the year 2009 A.D. of your Earth, though these people use a different system."

"Great, a parallel Earth." I said. "With zeppelins. So where are we, London?"

"Indiana, actually. Well, the equivalent. In this world, it's District 23 of the nation of Shiva."

"District 23?" I said dryly. "That's imaginative."

"The Shivans find it practical." Puck assured me. "And they have other ways of being imaginative."

"Torture." Aislin said worriedly.

"Goodness gracious, no." Puck said. "You've seen way too many movies. Besides, it's been illegal for years. Shivan society is actually quite civilized, with a decent political system, high science, and some cracking good art."

"Any idea why we were sent here?" I asked.

"Yes." Puck said.

"So help me, I will buy a set of electrified tweezers if you keep doing that." I said irritably.

"You're here because this is the dimension is the home of the Physical Avatars. With the Physical Avatars, you're supposed to be able to stave off entropy." Puck explained. "Remember why that teleport went so badly? It was because Asgard was destroyed right at the tail end of it. You're lucky to be in one piece."

"Mm." I said. "So, that business with the end of the world?"

"Yup." he said. "Your job."

"Spiffy." I said. "I wonder where the others got to? Aislin needs a nose beep."

"We've been here for a while." said David's voice from nearby. "We just didn't want to interrupt."

"How thoughtful of you." I said flatly.

Deirdre administered a nose beep, and we got to our feet.

"Ok, to-do list." I said. "Puck, take this down, please."

"Recording." he said.

"First up, we get our bearings." I began. "We need to know where we are and how to get around. Puck showed me maps, so I can use my teleporting ability now."

"I can also tap into area wi-fi networks." Puck volunteered.

"What, here?" I asked, my groove interrupted briefly.

"Well, no. We're in a field."

"Right." I said. "Anyway, secondly we need to find the Physical Avatars. Puck, you can help us out with that, yes?"

"Partially." he said. "But records of individuals in the database are somewhat uncommon, as well as notoriously incomplete. I don't know their locations, but I will know them if we see them."

"Good." I said. "Thirdly, we need to figure out how to reverse entropy. We'll need the other four for that. Fifthly and finally, we figure out how to get everyone home. Failing that, we find get one of those airships and live in that."

"You should do that anyway." Puck said. "The airship-getting part, that is. Cars as you know them never became a big thing in this universe. There are only small, unpaved dirt roads leading to and fro, no highways or anything. Most everyone uses airships."

"So, you're saying that instead of roadways, they have skyways, and fly everywhere?" I asked.

"Yes." responded Puck simply.

"I love this dimension." I said, grinning like an idiot.

"What do Shivans use for money?" asked Aislin.

"Small scraps of fabric, originally based on shiny bits of metal, but now with no inherent worth." Puck said. "Oh, wait, that's America."

"Can the editorials, please." Aislin said. "Though that was nicely done."

"Thank you." Puck said. "Shivans use a form of electronic currency. They used to use coins, but with the advent of the Difference Engine in 1789, they figured it'd be easier to just carry pads instead of wallets or coin pouches. Nowadays, they use Trade Padds, utilizing wi-fi and a centralized system."

"Wait, 'difference engine'? 1789? This is a steampunk world, isn't it?" David asked.

"Well, sort of." Puck said. "Much of the technology is similar to that of your world; it just developed differently along different principles."

"So how do we get some of these 'credits' or whatever they're called?" I asked.

"That is what they're called." Puck said. "As for the 'how', just get me close."

"This worries me." I said, but 'ported to Outer Newport anyway, which would be called 'Wauwatosa' in my world.

"There's a bank." Puck said. "Interfacing..."

He kind of whirred, and hummed quietly to himself.

"Ok, done." he said after a brief interval.

"So, who did we rob?" I asked.

"Nobody." he said. "Remember how that one terrorist in 'Ghost in the Shell' funded his ops? It's similar. One just needs processing power beyond that of the human mind."

"Just don't go 'Skynet' on us." I said.

"I promise nothing." he said, well, puckishly.

I made an indelicate sound in response, and said "So, where do we get airships?"

"Here." he said, displaying a map with a blinking red dot. I 'ported us to the location, which wass on the outskirts of town. There was a building which resembles a warehouse on the site, as well as a large glowing sign reading 'Baron Von Zeppelin's', and a large inflatable Prussian noble.

"You have got to be kidding me." I said.

"I guess it's true what they say." noted Aislin. "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

Shaking my head, I start towards the front door. The others follow suit, and we soon reach the interior. One salesman is there, done up like a Prussian king, complete with monocle.

"Is there no pride?" I mutter to myself, before plastering a smile on my face and walking up to him.

"Hi!" I said with hyperbolic cheer. "I'd like to buy an airship!"

"Certainly, my good man!" said the 'Baron'. "What kind are you looking for?"

I started to answer with something dumb like "the flying kind", but Puck beeped in a fair imitation of an alarm, and I excused myself briefly. Puck quickly outlined some specifications, and I turned back to the Baron.

"I'd like a six-person vacationing model with hydrojets and a slush engine." I parroted. Puck made a small sound which resembled applause, and I flicked his screen.

"That's a very expensive model." said the Baron. "I'll need your credit code, to do a check. It's only procedure, we trust our customers!"

Puck beeped again, and displayed the words 'about as far as he could throw you' before changing to a fourteen-digit numeric string. I read off the string to the Baron, who entered it into a nearby terminal. It seemed similar in form factor to an old Apple II, with monitor and keyboard in one unit, but was sleeker. I still got the sense that it was not a shining example of the bleeding edge of information technology, though. The Baron's information came through, and he appeared very surprised. I half expected his monocle to pop out.

"I'll, uh, I'll get that right out." he stammered excitedly, and disappeared into a back room.

"Saw a lot of zeros, did he?" I asked dryly.

"Yep." said Puck. "All salesmen are the same. Show enough zeroes and they just about plotz themselves on order to help."

The Baron returned at this point, and led us outside. A hatch in the ground opened, and a small panel on a pedestal rose up to about chest-height. The Baron keyed in a code, and a larger hatch opened. A reasonably-sized craft appeared on a lift, evidently from some manner of underground warehouse. It looked like a cross between the Avalon from Code Geass and the Highwind from Final Fantasy. The Baron ran a hose over to it, and affixed it to a port on the outside.

"Hydrogen slush feed." Puck explained. "For the engine."

"Slush engine, right." I said, nodding. I had been wondering about that.

The fuel tank began to fill, and the Baron hurried over.

"I've readied the credits for transfer on your authorization." he said. "You'll also need to enter a name."

"A name?" I asked dumbly.

"Unless you want to launch your ship with a stock name." he said doubtfully.

"Of course not." I said. "I'll need to confer with my associates briefly."

He nods deferentially, and I turn to the others.

"I have an idea for a name." I said.

"We're not calling it the Nebuchadnezzar." Aislin declared flatly.

"Of course not. We don't need a constant reminder of just how far down the rabbit hole we are." I said. "My idea is better, anyway. It's fitting, and it's a homage."

I told them my idea, and outlined my reasoning. The others agreed readily. About an hour later, the airship Freyja took off from Baron Von Zeppelin's yard, with the Metaphysical Avatars at the helm. Puck began playing "The Highwind Takes to the Skies", and we all laugh. Our adventures on Earth-2 were just beginning, and our mood was yet cheerful. After all, it's easy to be optimistic when the future appears bright.

                                                            -----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Does anyone know how to fly this thing?" I asked, annoyed and alarmed.

"Autopilot is automatically engaged within city limits." Puck said. "It's a lot safer and more efficient than a bunch of meatbags flying around."

"I suppose it is." I said, still not thrilled that Puck had begun using that term. "I'd hate to turn my new ship into the Hindenburg."

"What about outside of city limits?" asked David.

"Autopilot is commonly engaged for flights between cities. People just don't pilot much anymore."

"How uncommonly pragmatic." I observed.
-
Meanwhile, elsewhere...

"So this is a slush engine?" said Aislin. "It looks so... disco."

The slush engine was glowing, and continuously shifting colors. It seemed more like something one would see at a rave than an airship engine.

"Yeah." Deirdre agreed. "Let's check out the kitchen. I'm starving."

"You know how they say that if two people spend enough time together, they begin to pick up each other's quirks?" Aislin asked.

"Yeah." Deirdre said. "So?"

"Nothing, never mind." Aislin said, chuckling inwardly.

"Well, I have noticed that Wil does the whole 'making a point by dropping the topic' thing." Deirdre said. "He even says 'Nothing, never mind' when he does it."

"What's your point?" Aislin asked, her voice ice.

"Nothing beyond that." Deirdre said, and headed for the stairs.

"Wiseass." Aislin said to nobody in particular, and followed Deirdre downward.

-

"Mmm, pudding."

Aislin and Deirdre were seated at a table in one of the forward observation lounges, eating pudding.

"So, we're just leaving Newport, and heading to Chicago, right?" Deirdre asked.

"Assuming that it's called Chicago." Aislin said. "After all, 'Milwaukee' is called 'Newport' here."

"I kinda wonder what the world map looks like for this planet." Deirdre said.

"Me too." said Aislin. "Huh. I have an idea about that. Let's go find Wil."
-
Deirdre waves her hand in front of Wil's face, which stays in its 'demented grin' position.

"He's been like that ever since we found this room." David explained. "It is an awesome room, and it seems to have overloaded his brain or something."

"Well, he just bought his own airship, and discovered that it has a room that's a cross between a 'Glass Room' and a computer lounge, with the windows as screens." Aislin said. "I'm surprised he didn't faint again."

"Point." David said. "But I can't get him to respond, either."

"Stand back." Aislin said. "I'm going to try science."

Everyone stands back, and Aislin stands next to Wil, points at the far wall, and exclaims "Is that a demonic duck of some sort?"

"What? Where?" I said.

"Obscure Internet humor." she said. "Works every time."

"I wasn't that out of it..." I protested lamely.

"Whatever." she said. "Can you ask Puck a question?"

"Yup." I said, raising my wrist. "Talk to the watch."

"Right..." she said. "Anyway. Puck? You there?"

"No, you's on second." he says.

"Dammit, Puck." she said.

"Please specify deity and target." he said.

"Wait, really?" she asked surprisedly.

"No." Puck responded. "What do you want?"

Briefly annoyed, she continued. "Can you display a globe map of this planet?"

"Geographical, geopolitical, or topographical display?" he asked.

"Geopolitical, if you would."

A slowly rotating globe appears on the window in front of us, and national borders appear, soon followed by labels.

"This is the nation of Shiva. There are also the nations of Europa, Alexandria, Romeria, Austere, and the Indies." Puck began to narrate. "No wars are currently going on, but minor skirmishes happen every so often. However, the current geopolitical landscape is peaceful."

"World peace." I said. "Cool."

"It's only slightly more peaceful than your own world, Wil." Puck said. "But really, that's not saying much."

"I suppose it isn't." I said.

The following morning, I woke up at about 8:30. The Freyja had arrived at Chicago the previous afternoon, and we had put it into the equivalent of a 'parking orbit', cruising along the streets without a specific destination. There were docking facilities, of course, but it was still Chicago. Actual parking was improbable. I roused myself, and traveled up to the command deck, and check out the skyline from the bridge. After a short time, a sound known to both sailors and Trekkies alike echoed across the bridge. Never having heard it in person, however, I was momentarily startled. I may have uttered some atypical oaths, as our friendly neighborhood A.I. responded "I'd prefer you pronounce my name as 'Puck', and as for the 'what the', it's an incoming call."

"Call, or hail?" I asked.

"Fungible." he said. "Shall I pipe it through?"

"Sure." I said. "But if this is a telemarketer, I'm confiscating your RAM."

"Hello?" said the voice of a youngish woman. "Is this the airship Freyja?"

"Yes, it is." I said guardedly. "Who's calling?"

"I'm secretary to the CEO of Donatello Industries. Please hold while I connect you."

"Um, okay..." I said, and was bathed in hold muzak. Moments later, a male voice that held no more years than mine said "Hello. I am Niccolo Donatello, CEO of Donatello Industries. You are William Mikhail Zurn, Avatar of Order, and native of Earth-1."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"I know because I must." he said. "You see, I am the Avatar of Fire, known as the Magus of Eternal Flame."

"Ah." I said. "We've been looking for you."

"Of course you were." Niccolo said. "But we have been looking for you for far longer. The primary mission of Donatello Industries is to locate and contact the Metaphysical Avatars, as well as help facilitate the next step. Please meet with me and my associates in three day's time at our headquarters in Potomac."

"We'll see you there." I said, and ended the call. "Puck?"

"He is the Avatar." said Puck.

"What, you could tell from his voice?" I asked skeptically.

"Well, that and the information I found on the Internet." Puck said.

"Ah."

                                    ---------------------------------------------------------

Immediately afterward, at Donatello Industries Headquarters...

"Well, it seems that the Metaphysical Avatars will be here soon." Niccolo observes smugly. "With their help, we'll soon have our colleagues here. All of them."

He pours a bit of brandy from a crystal bottle on a shelf into a goblet, and flashes an evil grin towards three force cages on a far wall. One contained a sullen-looking man, the second a furious Alexandrian woman. The third stood empty, and almost looked foreboding.

In an accent straight out of St. Petersburg, the Alexandrian shouted "You'll never get your filthy hands on Elia!"

With a dismissive chuckle, Donatello followed up by saying "The Metaphysicals have no reason to suspect me, and Elia is but one woman. The simple truth is that you can't stop me."

With a cocky shrug, he left the room.

                                                -----------------------------------------------------

Six hours later, on the Freyja bridge:

"How did he know?"

I turned to look at Aislin, who had spoken fron the pilot's seat.

"What?" I asked.

"How did that Donatello fellow know we were here, and who we are? I mean, there was that whole 'I know because I must' thing, but that's almost the exact opposite of an answer."

"I'm not sure." I answered. "Puck was pretty sure that he was the Avatar of Fire. But this does seem a bit convenient, and it definitely doesn't quite add up. It's not like we have any other leads to the Physicals, though. We'll just have to play this by ear."

"And keep our guard up." she points out.

"Aislin, I never let mine down." I said seriously.

"Probably wise." she concurred.

Two hours later, above Pittsburgh:

"Whoa, what the frak!?" I shouted, alarmed. "Full stop! Very, very soon! Like, two minutes ago!"

"You had me at 'full stop', Wil." said Puck, who was interfacing with the navigation systems. "Now what's the emergency?"

"There's a giant wall in front of us!" I said. "Can't you see it?"

"No, I can't. Which is odd..." he said, puzzled. "What about you all?"

We had dropped into a habit of taking shifts on the bridge while in flight to other cities. It seemed only proper to have someone at the pilot's seat, after all. By some quirk of fate, this little incident took place as we were switching shifts, so we were all present when it happened.

"I see a big frickin' wall." David said.

"Me too." Deirdre said.

"Ayyep." Aislin concurred.

"Interesting. While I don't see a wall, I am reading a great deal of Elemental energy directly ahead." said Puck.

"Which element?" I asked.

"Water."

As he said that, the 'wall' shifted form into the face of a woman no older than 20 Earth years. Her eyes were blue, as was her hair. The floating face then spoke.

"Hello. I am Elia Terranova. I am the Avatar of Water. I sent this illusion spell to locate you and deliver a warning. Niccolo Donatello is an evil man. He has captured my friends, the other Avatars, and seeks to capture me as well. He will try to conceal this from you, and enlist your help in recapturing me. Go see him if you must, but please believe me when I say that if you enter Donatello Industries, you will leave only on his terms. I can say no more until we meet in person. I realize you have exactly as much reason to trust my word as you do his, but I have no other recourse. If you believe me, come to Liberty Park in Potomac. I will know if you arrive, so don't worry about the 'when'. Forgive the melodrama, but you truly are my only hope."

And with that statement, Elia Terranova's illusory head shimmered out of existence.

"Well, there's a hell of a choice." David observed. "Do we rescue the Princess, or risk getting Bowser'd?"

"I'd say both." I said.

People gave me strange looks, so I elaborated a bit.

"I can teleport myself and one other person to Liberty Park, provided Puck provides coordinates. The other two can stay on the ship in case things go south with Elia, and also to keep up appearances in case Niccolo goes Bowser on us."

"I'll go with Wil." Aislin volunteered.

"Thank you, I'll need your help." I said. "Puck? Coordinates?"

"Here you go!" he said cheerily, putting the required info onscreen.

"Right." I said, grasping Aislin's hand for the teleport. "Here goes nothing!"

"Watch your caboose, Dix." David quipped referentially.

"And come back safely." Deirdre added.

And so, with a smile and a nod, I 'ported out to Liberty Park.

                                            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two seconds or so later, in Downtown Potomac:

"Why's it so dark?" Aislin asked.

"I think we landed in another cupboard or something." I said, and groped around blindly until I found a door catch. I opened the door, and we stepped out into the bright Potomac sun.

"Yeah, 'or something'." Aislin said sourly, pointing.

I turned, and noticed that we had just stepped out of a public outdoor restroom.

"Great." I said, equally sourly. "I wonder where that Elia person is."

"She said she'd know if we came." Aislin reminded me. "I say we wait."

And wait we did. Ten minutes or so later, a hooded figure walked into the park. I gave Aislin a subtle nudge with my elbow, and we keep an eye on them. The hooded figure checked a device on their wrist, and walked over to where we were seated. I tensed up a bit, and sensed that Aislin had done the same. Then the hooded person spoke.

"I'm Elia Terranova." she said, lowering her hood. "I'm glad you came."

"It was no problem." I said, relaxing slightly. "Is the hair because of the Avatar thing?"

"No, it's because of dye." she said. "But where are the others? And how did you get here so quickly?"

"The others are still on our ship." Aislin said. "Wil teleported us here so we could check out your story before we do anything... rash."

"Teleportation? That's cool." Elia said, impressed.

"Yeah, it is a bit." I said. "Anyway, we should get on with why we're here."

"Yes, quite." Elia said. "Walk with me.  It'll make it hard for anyone to listen in."

"Cloak and dagger much?" I asked.

"I'd rather not see any daggers, personally." Aislin said. "Let's roll with it."

"Whatever." I said.

We start walking around the park, in no particular direction.

"Ok, I'll tell you what I know." Elia said. "Let's see, where to begin..."

"At the beginning." Aislin suggested.

"If there is such a thing." I added.

"Right, of course." Elia said. "I suppose the beginning of the story would be the founding of Donatello Industries, four years ago. It was just us four back then, Niccolo, Peter, Darya, and myself. We had more enthusiasm than sense back then, but Niccolo had some very clever ideas for gadgetry. We figured we could make money by selling them, so we started up a company. The name 'Donatello Industries' was actually chosen to be ironic. We mainly operated out of Peter's garage for the first year or so, so adding the 'Industries' bit was pure silliness. But people really liked the gadgets we built, and over a period of months, we actually became a company worthy of the name. We moved our head offices to the spot that they're at currently about six months ago. It was also about that time that we received an odd visitor. He introduced himself as Mordred, and he told us that we were the 'Avatars of the Physical'. It sounds mad, but we had been noticing oddities, and he made a lot of sense. He explained planar metaphysics to us, and told us about our elements. Niccolo's title is the Magus of Eternal Flame, Peter was called Knight of the Earthen Realm, Darya was named the Kirin of Ephemeral Air, and I the Maiden of Infinite Ice. I found that I could manipulate water, form ice beams, and other ice forms. My real talent was in illusions, however. I believe you saw some of my work already. Niccolo could control fire to a very fine degree, and could produce flame in spheres as well as streams.  Darya found that she was quite adept at influencing the weather, and lensing air into shield forms. Peter could do things with soil that could best be described as miraculous. He once showed me a seed that he planted, and made it grow into a fully adult plant in minutes! It was a truly remarkable time for all of us. Mordred began giving us lessons, but after a few days, began meeting only with Niccolo. I should have seen something at that point, but I suppose I was too excited at my new found abilities. I should have said something."

She started to become upset, but we were just getting to the important part. We paused near a fountain, and I put my hand on her shoulder. She seemed to calm down a bit, and continued her story.

"It was after Niccolo began getting 'private lessons' from Mordred that he began to change. He started talking about how our power made us better than other people. How we should rule over them as gods. How we not only had the ability, but the responsibility to take action. He always was somewhat displeased with our society, so I guess we figured he was just letting off steam. Three days ago, that theory was shot rather completely to Hell. He attacked us, saying that if we didn't actively help him ascend to Godhood and rule over the world, we would only be in his way. We were in his office at the time, he had called us there. Peter tried to calm him down, but Niccolo hit him with a fireblast. Darya tackled him, and shouted for me to run. I took his laptop and jumped out the window, forming a crude ice ramp on the way down. God, I hope they're okay..."

She started sobbing, and I suspected that the events of that day and those since were only now making a full impact. We sat on a bench near a duck pond, and said nothing for a short while. After a bit, Aislin broke the silence.

"What about the computer?" she asked. "Did it have any useful information?"

"I couldn't see." Elia responded. "I don't know his password."

"Sounds like a job for William Mikhail Zurn, Ubergeek Extraordinaire!" I said with exaggerated pomp, to try to ease the mood slightly.

Elia produced the computer, which looked like a tablet PC, but a great deal sleeker. I turned it on, and it asked for a password. I thought for a moment, and was struck by a thought. I tried a password that had come to me, and got access.

"What was the password?" Elia asked.

"Entropy." I said.

"Well, that's not ominous." Aislin said dryly.

I took a few minutes to figure out the file system, and poked through its contents. After about an hour or so, we finished reading. Elia had gone over to feed the ducks. I suppose she didn't want to invade his privacy or something. Anyway, she turned and walked back over when I vocalized my reaction.

"Oh, not good."

"What is it?" Elia asked.

"Mostly, it's propaganda from a group called the 'Entropists'." I summed up. "But there's also some rather specific instructions on how to make a device, that when powered by the Avatars will simply destroy the Multiverse."

"Simply?" Aislin asked.

"Well, yes, actually." I explained. "It creates a sort of 'feedback' in the Planes. See, according to this information, the Planar Essences continually flow into a vast 'mechanism' called the Planar Forge. That's the thing that 'distills the essences of the planes'. This device would severely restrict the flow of Essence, eventually cutting it off. And without the flow of Essence, the Multiverse just kind of dries up."

"Ok, that's bad." Aislin said.

"Yeah." I said. "We should do something about it."

"But what can we do?" Elia asked. 

"I'm not sure." I said. "But we shouldn't do anything rash. That would just make things worse, which, albeit, is kind of hard to imagine."

Suddenly, Puck started beeping urgently, and a largeish number of armed men surrounded us, and two helicopters hovered overhead. A third started booming commands from a megaphone.

"Surrender immediately, or you will be killed!" it said.

We raised our hands in the universal gesture of surrender. As we were led into one of the helicopters, Aislin muttered to me.

"You just had to go and taunt Murphy, didn't you?"