Chapter 4: Blaze

That evening, we were seated much as we were the previous evening, in sofas, and with Niel leading the discussion.

"I decided to break this into two parts." he began. "You folks needed rest, and I had preparations to make."

"Like fixing the lock on my door." I said, really more asking than stating.

"According to our diagnostics, it's not broken." he said.

"God's balls it isn't..." I said annoyedly.

"I know it's broken. I'm just saying that it'll take more time than we thought to fix it." he responded, trying to mollify.

"Bleck." I said. "So, Part Two, then?"

There is a round of nods, and Niel begins.

"I told you yesterday about planar metaphysics, the Avatars, Atlantis, and our role in the history of things. Today, I'm going to tell you of your role in this. First and foremost, the Avatars help balance out the universe simply by existing. As the planar elements incarnate, your presence in relative proximity to each other in spatial and temporal terms helps keep the elements in check. Don't worry about that, though. "Relative proximity" in terms of the multiverse refers to distances we don't have names for yet. Secondly, the Avatars help defend against extradimensional, extraplanar, and otherwise unusual threats. For instance, if a sorcerer from a parallel Earth ruled by Nazis were to come storming through New York City, the Avatars would be sent to deal with him. Thirdly and finally, there is also a proph-... on second thought, never mind that. Any questions?"

"Yes, what about a prophecy?" asked Deirdre.

"Forget I mentioned that." Niel said, with a bit of an edge to his voice.

"Mentioned what?" I interjected pointedly, as it seemed Deirdre was intent on pursuing the issue. "Anyway, bring on the evil Nazi sorcerers! We can take 'em!"

"That only happened once." Niel said, vaguely amused. "I'll have someone by to check on your door."

With that, he left. Almost before the door shut, Deirdre turned to me and asked "Why did you interrupt? You know that last part was the most important!"

"Yes." I said evenly. "I also know that he's not going to tell us. And I, for one, would like to stay on good terms with our hosts."

"But we should know about the prophecy!" she insisted.

"Oh, I agree." I said. "Which is why we should find out on our own."

"What about that orichalcum thing?" David chimed in. "Niel said that it let them access the Akashic Records."

"Which no doubt means it's under heavy guard and all manner of security systems." I said. "We'll have to take our time and be patient. But it'll be on our to do list."

"Good." said David. "Now, food? I'm fricking starving."

Rolling my eyes, I said "Sure. Let's poke around, this building has to have food somewhere."

We collectively got up, and got into the elevator. I looked at the directory, and mused out loud "Now where would the Key of Solomon Agency have their cafeteria?"

The elevator responded: "Floor S4, Cafeteria. Kitchens, and Dining Area."

Missing only a beat, I said "Is that Majel Barret's voice?"

"Affirmative." responded the elevator.

I rolled my eyes, and said "So, Floor S4, then?"

"Working." said the elevator, and it whirred to life. A flash of light illuminated the elevator, and the doors opened with a classic swoosh.

"Floor S4. Cafeteria, Kitchens, and Dining Area." announced the elevator efficiently.

"What was that flash?" asked Aislin.

"The flash of visible light was the result of a Magitech site to site teleport system, Mark IV." the elevator answered.

"Magitech? Holy Kefka..." I said. "So Floor S4 isn't in Chicago?"

"Negative." said the elevator. "Floor S4 is in a Key of Solomon Agency compound in Paris, France."

"Well, at least they have good taste." remarked David. "Now come on. I smell food."

"You really need a new hobby." I began. "This is- * Are those meatballs?"

Aislin rolled her eyes, and wondered aloud "So how do we pay? I forgot my checkbook back in Chicago."

"Meals are provided free of charge to all Key of Solomon personnel above Grade E." said the elevator.

"Would you just go away?" I snapped irritably. I must have been hungrier than I had thought.

"She will stay here as long as she is needed." a voice said from somewhere behind us. "And we'd almost pay you people to eat here. The Metaphysical Avatars, if I'm not mistaken."

We turned to see who had spoken, and we saw an elderly man with a long beard, clad in a sharp business suit.

"Gandalf?" I asked.

"Merlin." he responded.

"Figures." I said. "Don't you age backwards or something?"

"No, and I was never ascended, and never fought the Ori either." he said with a touch of amusement. "As for the elevator, it's run by our resident AI, Morgan."

"Figures again." I said.

"Quite." he said. "I'm in charge of the Key of Solomon Agency. I also formed it."

"So are you actually immortal?" Aislin asked.

"Yes, thanks to the Philosopher's Stone." he said.

"Are you keeping that hidden for the good of mankind?" David asked.

"No, we destroyed it for the good of mankind." he said. "It grants immortality, but at a terrible price."

"Soul fragmentation?" I guessed.

"Loss of the sense of taste?" ventured Deirdre.

"Perpetual ennui?" asked David.

"I'd... rather not say." he said, seeming embarrassed. "But after we destroyed the stone, we began funding a certain blue pill."

"Ohhhh...." David said, comprehending.

"You poor, poor man." I said sympathetically.

"Anyway, Morgan always does the "Starship Computer" routine to new people. She finds it amusing." said Merlin, changing the subject.

"Negative. The humor of tis impression is self-evident." her voice came from the elevator.

"She's nowhere near as funny as she thinks she is." Merlin said. "Morgan! Shove off!"

"Unable to comply. Humor in progress."

"I'll show you humor....." said Merlin, who stalked off, rolling up his sleeves. He entered the elevator, and the doors closed, obscuring him from view.

"When eight hundred years I reach, be that sane I will not." I quipped.

"Let's claim a table." suggested Aislin.

We sat around a smallish table with a nice view of the Eiffel Tower. Soon, an employee came by and asked us what we'd like to eat.

"But there's no menus." Deirdre pointed out confusedly.

"True. Here at the Cafe Diem, we make what you order." the waiter responded.

"Isn't the Cafe Diem in Eureka?" I asked, grinning at my geeky reference.

"Yes, that was the first branch. Run by a fellow by the name of Vincent, I believe."\

I managed only a blank look, and he left after saying he's give us a few minutes to think. After our food came, I had a thought.

"David." I said. "You mentioned something about a building earlier. Sounds like one heck of a story. Tell?"

"Ok, sure." he said. "It was about six weeks ago. As you know, I was vacationing in Portland in order to nail-"

Deirdre kicked him somewhat violently.

"to enjoy the local cuisine!" he finished, wincing. "Anyway, I had gone out to get some cold soda after the hot coffee. The guy working the soda fountain was a real jackass. There were three people in line ahead of me, and I was already dehydrated. I must have lost control-"

"David smash!" I interjected.

"Yes, Wil. The building started coming apart in chunks, and the chunks were falling everywhere. I seemed to be unhurt, and so did the others. Later, I found out that Deirdre had been shielding them. But anyway, I was busy pulling a psychic slice-n-dice when some weird Cylon-looking things came and attacked us."

"In the city?" I asked, puzzled and alarmed.

"No, this was a housing development boom town thing a ways outside the city. Anyway, I destroyed the robots with Deirdre's help, and-"

"Deirdre's help?" asked Aislin.

"They had shields." Deirdre explained. "I shorted them out."

"Ah." Aislin said.

"So anywho." said David irritably. "We slagged the droids, and soon that Niel fellow showed up. He staged the scene to make it look like the soda fountain guy had gone postal and blew up his own store. He even planted a detonator."

"He killed the soda guy?" I asked.

"No, the Cylons killed Soda Guy." David said.

"Damn shame." I said, deliberately unconvincingly.

"Good end to bad rubbish." opined Deirdre.

"True dat." said David.

We finished our meal, and went back to the elevator.

"Morgan?" I asked tentatively. "Are you there?"

"No one here but us chickens." came the voice of Morgan.

"Right. Well can you 'chickens' fly us back to our rooms? We're a bit tired."

"Sure." said Morgan.

The flash of light pulsed, and the doors opened.

"I just flew in from Paris, and boy are my arms tired." said Morgan.

"Goodnight, Morgan." I said amusedly.

I left the elevator, and tried my lock again. Again, it completely failed to grant me entry.

"Freakin' A..." I said wearily.

"Come on, Wil." said a voice from behind me. "You should at least have some relative privacy. Take my couch, please."

"Ok, ok." I said, going along with it. I made a quick mental note to erect a sign reading "Door temporarily wall, sorry for the inconvenience."
------------------------------------------------

The following morning saw me heading down the hall towards the elevator. The doors opened, and David was waiting there.

"How long have you been waiting here?" I asked. "And don't give me that look."

"Not long." he said.

"Negative. You have been in this elevator for two hours, forty two minutes, and eleven seconds." said Morgan.

"Thank you, Morgan!" I said, grinning.

"Thanks, Morgan...." David said sarcastically. "So should I ring the gong?"

"Considering the look on your face when I came in, I'm surprised you didn't already." I said. "Floor S4 please, Morgan. And no, don't bother."

The teleport flash occurred, and David gave me a skeptical look.

"Thanks again, Morgan." I said. "And would you quit it with the looks? If you have doubts, use words."

"I have doubts." he said.

"Good, so you can English." I said mockingly. I continued in a more normal tone of voice. "There may have been some affectionate... snuggling... but nothing more."

"I believe it." he said. "But only because it's you."

"That attuned to my tone of voice, are you?" I asked skeptically.

"No."he said. "That convinced you'll never get laid."

I kicked him in the knee, grabbed some bacon, and kicked his knee again on my way back to the elevator.

"Morgan?" I said. "Take me home."

"Affirmative."

The doors shut, and I'm whisked off on a beam of light.

"Ow." said David. "Nigel? Can I get some of that bacon?"

"I'm sorry, Seraph. The Paladin took what we had left. You really should get here sooner next time." said Nigel, our usual waiter.

"Damn it." David said.

"Unable to comply." said Morgan.

David made a face and sat munching a cruller sullenly.

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Some time passes, and the Avatars grow into a fairly cohesive group. David practices with his telekinetic blades, Deirdre experiments with different shield forms, and Wil and Aislin practice their synergistic offense strategies. We also decided that we ought to schedule some group activities. I suggested a small-scale LAN party, which was quickly implemented. Aislin suggested a NERF duel/ Capture the Flag fusion, which was atypically epic due to the Agency's global teleport network. If I recall correctly, the Law Axis team beat the Structural Axis team with a headshot over the Irish flag. God, that girl is awesome. Anyway, Deirdre's idea was weekly activities, like Anime Mondays and Sci-Fi Wednesdays. David suggested weekly orgies, and was promptly beaten. But it was a group beating, so it still counts as a group activity. There was more tickling than actual beating anyway. Oh, and my lock still rather stubbornly refused to work. Things started to fall into a routine, and we were just beginning to relax. It was at this point, of course, that trouble was made.

David and I were dressed in black, well-fitting robes, as well as black head wrappings. We were also carrying plastic katanas. Deirdre and Aislin were following hot on our heels, wearing bandanas and eye patches. We were running to the elevator.

"Quickly, David-san!" I said. "If we take a false step, Bloody Mary and Queen Anne will have their revenge!"

"We must reach the dimensional portal if we are to survive!" he responds urgently.

A foam dart whizzes past my ear, followed by a shout of "YARR! Ye've led us on a merry chase. But nobody escapes Queen Anne's revenge!"

Another polymeric projectile comes whizzing our way, and I block it with my katana. Finally, we reach the elevator.

"We are as the wind, and harder to kill!" I shout, and the teleport activates. I step out of the elevator, expecting to see the coast of Morocco out of the window. I was therefore surprised to see the couches of the atrium of Chicago Branch.

"Morgan?" I said. "This is not Morocco."

"No, it's Chicago." she confirmed.

"I worked that bit out myself." I said testily. "What I perhaps should have asked was 'Why am I not in Morocco?'"

"Orders." she explained tersely.

""From who?" I asked.

"From me." said a voice from the corridor.

"Merlin-sensei!" David said, kowtowing shamelessly.

"Stop that." I said, administering a dope slap.

"Morgan, if you would....?" asks Merlin, and Deirdre and Aislin appear with a flash of light.

"Hey, having Morgan help is cheating!" starts Aislin, but is silenced by Deirdre, who has noticed Merlin. Soon, our attention is focused on the elderly man before us, who begins to speak.

"Ah, how I've missed being able to quiet unruly mobs by my mere presence..." he said wistfully. "This is close, but close enough."

"We'll get loud again if you don't tell us why you interrupted Pirates v.s. Ninjas Part IV, the Revenge of Queen Anne." I said bluntly.

"Quite so." he said with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. "I had Morgan bring you here because an extradimensional threat has been detected."

"Nazi sorcerer?" asked David, perhaps a bit too eagerly.

"No. And evil overlord and accomplished sorcerer and scientist. He has developed many Magitech devices, and rules from a fortress in an isolated pocket dimension." explained Merlin. "Our sources say that he's been watching this dimension for some time, and sent a number of battle constructs into this dimension to attack citizens."

"These constructs." I asked. "Big, mean, glowing red eye?"

"Why, yes." said Merlin, somewhat surprised. "How did you know?"

"Personal experience." I explained. "But what makes you think we can storm an extradimensional fortress? This isn't Final Fantasy! We're not warriors!"

"No, but you are a group of four good friends who rather suddenly recieved mystical powers." Merlin pointed out. "Sound like anything you know?"

"Only Final Fantasies One, Two, and Three...." I admitted.

"Besides, what would you have me send in, the Air Force? Machine guns are useless in these circumstances. Besides, you're the Metaphysical Avatars! You'll be fine."

"That's very reassuring." Aislin said, vaguely sarcastically. "How would we get there, anyway?"

"We've set up an interdimensional teleporter." said Merlin. "Morgan will get you to the fortress.When you do, you have one objective. Capture the Overlord. Bring him back."

"Why do you need a team?" David asked. "Why not just 'port him out?"

"His fortress's defenses prevent outbound teleportation." said Merlin.

"But not inbound?" I asked.

"No, he likes Chinese food, and has to get it in somehow. Besides, the same defenses can dispatch most threats just fine."

"There's something you're not telling us, isn't there?" Aislin asked.

"Yes." said Merlin.

"And you're not going to."

"Nope." said Merlin. "Any further questions?"

"Just one." said David. "Can we change first?"

A hasty costume removal and normal garb donning later, we were ready to go.

"Morgan?" I said. "Energize!"

The room pulses between normal and shining white light, then between light and darkness, between darkness and our destination, and finally we arrive. The room we 'landed' in was dimly lit, with a door on one wall, and a sink, a pail, a mop, and a broom piled in one corner.

"I think we landed in a janitor's closet." I said observantly.

"Well reasoned, Sherlock." responded David.

We peeked out of the door, Scooby Doo totem pole style, and saw that the hall was empty. We also noticed that the walls were bare.

"No cameras?" asked Aislin.

"Seems not." I said. "Let's go."

"They can make cameras pretty damned small, you know." David said.

"David, by this point, I'm convinced that the walls are eyes." I said. "But what are we supposed to do? Stay in this closet? There's always cameras in janitor's closets! People steal sponges! Now allons-y!"

I shoved him out the door, and followed close after. Aislin looked at Deirdre, shrugged, and they followed suit. The hall streched off into both directions, well-lit by unseen light sources. We pause, and look both ways. Each direction seems equally empty.

"Ok, now what?" Deirdre asked.

"We go that way." said David, pointing. When we gave him a puzzled look, he shrugged and said "Or we could just stay here, and stare dumbly."

We went in the direction he had indicated, each giving him a Gibbs-style head slap on the way past. Wincing with each, he headed up the rear. Before too long, we reach the end of the corridor. There are no doors, no windows, only a wall and a torch.

"Well, that's just spiffy." I say. "Superbly done, Seraph."

David looked annoyed, but as he was about to respond, part of the wall turned into a display screen. A robotic voice "Sarcasm Detected. Phase I testing initiated."

"Yes, rather superb indeed." he said, smirking smugly.

"Let's just do this 'testing'. Which worries me, by the way." I said, ignoring the throbbing behind my eyeballs.

The screen showed four groups of symbols, separated into four quadrants. One quadrant appeared to be symbols in both cuneiform and Roman numerals, one showed symbols that I didn't recognize, one showed images of fruit, and the fourth showed four geometric shapes, a square, a circle, a triangle, and a trapezoid.

"Ok, so... Roman numerals, Akkadian numerals, bizarre squiggles, geometric shapes, and... fruit? We're screwed." Deirdre said.

I, however, was grinning widely. David gave me a puzzled glance, but soon caught on.

"It's Pi." I said. "Pi!"

Aislin thought for a moment, but then slowly began to nod.

"But if that was the answer, wouldn't it have done something when you said it?" she asked.

"Nope." I said. "I have to do this first."

I used my finger to trace a line from the middle of the circle to the edge. The wall before us shimmered out of existence, revealing a staircase. While we ascend the stairs, Aislin asked "Ok, I get the numerals, and the squiggles are probably some kind of extinct or unknown foreign language. But what about the fruit?"

"Those did confuse me at first." I admitted. "But then I noticed the one in the lower left."

"The banana and the milk carton?"

"Not milk, Aislin. Cream."

"A banana...and cream." she said, suddenly getting it. "God damn it, that's not funny."

"Not a bit." I agreed, chuckling. "But it was useful."

The staircase ended at another hallway, with another screen. It has a similar quadrant design, but instead of pictographs, there were solid planes of color. One red, one yellow, one green, one blue. As we approached, the yellow panel flashed. We shrugged collectively, and Deirdre touched the yellow panel. It flashed again, and was followed by the blue one."

"Simon?" I said, groaning. "You've got to be kidding me."

"No trouble." said Deirdre. "I am the master of Simon."

I was somewhat skeptical, but said nothing. I suck out loud at Simon. Devin proved herself true to her word, as even I lost track of her movements, and finally the wall vanished. Corridor 3 stretched out before us, and I had a thought.

"Just what in hell is going on here?" I asked rhetorically. "I was expecting more 'pew pew pew' with an evil overlord flanked by hordes robotic minions, and just about no playing of Quizmania with the hallways."

"Maybe he didn't build the place." theorized Aislin. "Maybe he came across it much as we did, and passed the tests."

"The 'Castle Heterodyne' method, huh?" I asked.

"At this point, I'm willing to consider just about anything." she said. "So. Puzzle Three, what could it be?"

"Please stop that, it's starting to hurt." I said.

"Sure thing! You're the expert!" David piped up from behind us.

With effort, we let that go.

The wall at the end of the corridor has a display panel much as the others did, however this one only had the words "P1 and P2, stand on the platforms."

"What platforms?" I wondered aloud, just as to square nine by nine checkerboard patterns to appear beneath Aislin and I. Four of the sub-squares had arrows, and the center one had a dot. I recognized the design, and my reaction was both immediate and pronounced. "Aw, hell naw!"

"Come on, Wil." insisted Aislin. "I know you've got moves!"

"When did you come by that bit of info?" I asked.

"As we met." she declared firmly.

"Right." I said, adjusting to a more prepared pose. "Let's do this, then."

"Co-operative mode engaged." said the robotic voice. "First round: Axel F."

The theme from Beverly Hills Cop began playing, and arrows began to scroll down the wall. I had never played DDR before, but seemed to be doing reasonably well. We finished Round 1 with zero errors.

"Perfect round. Rank: AAA. Second round: Secret Agent Man."

Round 2 was shorter, but with a faster tempo. It was, of course, no match for us.

"Perfect round. Rank: AAA. Third round: Battle Theme from Final Fantasy VIII."

"Odd." I noted aloud. Aislin gave me a questioning look, but the round began before I could explain. The energetic beat was both normal length and quick tempoed, but soon fell along with the others. "Hey Bulldog", "Force Your Way", Weird Al's "Yoda", and "The Red Wings" soon followed suit.

"Seems a bit Final Fantasy weighted." Aislin said. "Did you notice?"

"That's not all I noticed." I began, but before I could explain, the robotic voice said "Beginner Level Complete." I smiled, and looked relieved. "Expert Level beginning."

"Wait, what about 'Advanced'?" I protested.

"Skill level exceeds Advanced Level." said the voice.

"Oh, that's nice to hear." I said, vaguely complimented. "What are the differences between Beginner and Expert mode?"

"Play involves four people." listed the computer. "Songs are more difficult. Pad motion mode is active."

"Pad motion mode?" I asked, once again simultaneous with the answer.

The wall shimmered out, but instead of a staircase, another room was on the other side, doubling the size of the space. Two more pads appeared, and a cylindrical display screen descended into the middle, and the four pads merged into a circle. Deirdre and David approached with a kind of nervous confidence, and the computer said "Players 3 and 4, start."

"Pad Motion Mode. Right." I said. "Guys? Don't be afraid to use your hands."

"Round One: J-E-N-O-V-A"

"Oh good. That's only about three minutes." said I said.

"Cover version: The Black Mages."

"...make that six."

The music and arrows begin, and the pads rotate along with the electric guitar. Deirdre and David do delightfully, and soon the demonstration was decided.

"Player One: Rank AAA. Player Two: Rank AAA. Player Three: Rank AAA. Player Four: Rank AAA."

"Wow, you two are limber." Aislin said, impressed.

"Say nothing." I told David warningly.

He remained silent, save for a lecherous smirk. I shuddered, but also sighed inwardly with relief.

"Round Two: Gerudo Valley. Cover version: the Red Wings."

"..." I thought inwardly.

The fast-paced desert beat passed quickly, and another perfect score heralded its end.

"Expert Level mastered. Legendary mode unlocked. Prize for completion is immediate teleportation to the end of the Puzzle Zone. Do you wish to continue through the door, or attempt Legendary Mode?"

"What do you think, guys?" I asked.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say that if this is the third puzzle, then judging by parts one and two, the difficulty curve is a very, very steep one, and that we don't want to continue to climb it." said David.

"I think David's arrogance is astonishing." said Aislin. "But if we can bypass the Riddles, Trivia, and Modern Dance section of this, I'm in."

"As am I." said Deirdre.

"Very well, then." I said. "Computer? Continue."

"Final round begins. Song list is as follows. Dancing Mad, as covered by the Black Mages. The Decisive Battle, FFVI version, covered by the Black Mages. Axel F, from the film "Beverly Hills Cop. "J-E-N-O-V-A", by the Black Mages. "Ambush Attack" from Final Fantasy IX. "The Winner", from Final Fantasy VIII. Arrows will scroll on the walls, and the floor will be used in its entirety. The playlist will be random. There will be no pauses between songs. You have five minutes to prepare, and one final chance to withdraw."

"Damn." I said. "That's almost 45 solid minutes of dancing."

"That's something I've been wondering about." Aislin said. "You know a lot about these songs."

"Yes." I said. "They're all songs that I own. I've literally heard them hundreds of times."

Aislin looks about to interject, but I interrupt. "It doesn't make much sense to me either. But I can roll with it."

Five minutes of idle chatter later, the lighting changed to a bright pink, with other colors flahing here and there. It's evocative of a rave, I suspect deliberately. As the opening bars of "Axel F" begin, we exchange nods, and begin to DDR as no one had ever DDRed before. We continue gymnastically through "The Decisive Battle" and "Ambush Attack", waltz, tango, and foxtrot through "Dancing Mad", hop, skip and jump through "J-E-N-O-V-A", and soft-shoe triumphantly through the triumphant trumpets of "The Winner".

"Flawless Victory. You four are the true Lords of the Dance, never let anyone tell you differently."

After a group high-five, the computer made an announcement.

"Prepare for immediate teleportation to the Combat Zone."

"The what now?" I said. "You didn't mention a Combat Zone."

"You did not request this information." the computer said, initiating the teleport.

"Right." I said. "I suppose I didn't."

"Did the computer just 'you didn't ask' us?" said Deirdre annoyedly.

"It's what they do." I responded, shrugging.

The teleport had dropped us in yet another brightly lit corridor, which we followed to its terminus.

"Hey, a door." I said. "How novel."

David kind of grunted at this, and we continued through to the other side. There was a large circular room, with the walls, ceiling, and floor fashioned of the same fluorescent material that the hallways were. It was empty, save for us. We entered, and approached the center.

"I have a bad feeling about this." I said, and at the same moment, we reached the center of the room. The door we came through shut, and subsequently vanished. Then the lights went out, and an odd fog permeated the room.

"You just HAD to say it, didn't you." scolded David.

We hear doors open with a classic swoosh, and then hear the sound of many metal feet approaching. A creepy metallic voice speaks, seemingly from a speaker or similar device.

"They must be dead by now. Finish what's left of them!"

From the perspective of an outside observer, the next scene would be somewhat impressive. The fog was sucked out through vents, and in the center were four very pissed off-looking humans, one holding a ball of destructive force in her hand, one whose fingers were glowing, one who was simply grinning maniacally, and a fourth who was standing dramatically and generating a blue spherical forcefield.

"Uh-oh." said a robotic voice from nearby.

"Roger roger." said another.

I'd have facepalmed if it wouldn't have taken my eyebrows off. Instead, I channeled my feeling of 'ugh' into droid-slagging. I noticed with some admiration that our blasts passed easily through Deirdre's shield, while the droid's shots were being deflected. That kind of control takes skill. Once the droids had all been reduced to their constituent elements, the lights came back on. A door opened on the far side of the room, but the door we had come through stayed gone. There was also no sign of the doors the droids had come through.

"Well, it seems our path is obvious." I said. "Allons-y!"

We go through the door into the next room, which appears identical to the one we just left. I looked behind me to make sure we weren't coming through a door in the room behind us. The door vanished as soon as we stepped through, and soon the lights went off. The sound of metallic footsteps was once again evident, and we prepared to kick more shiny metal ass. Deirdre was the first to report troubles.

"I can't form a shield!" she said, alarmed.

"I'm having trouble with my blades." David reported.

"My pulses feel weak." Aislin said.

"Yeah, my beams are shot, too." I said. "Well, we could fight. Or I could 'port us back to the Puzzle Section."

"Backtrack?" Aislin asked. "Won't that piss off the computer?"

"Well, we can't stay here." David pointed out. "With no weapons or shield, we'd be killed faster than you can say 'like, Zoinks!'"

"Ok." I said. "One Tactical Scooby Maneuver coming right up!"

I 'ported us back to the Puzzle Section, and another teleport activates immediately afterwards.

"That last one wasn't me." I said.

"No, it was me." a robotic voice said. The walls of the new room lit up, and the room was suddenly illuminated, but in a golden light rather than the previous white. A figure appeared in the center of the room, in the form of a woman. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and was clad in what appeared to be some kind of armor. She continued to speak.

"You have proven your ingenuty by demonstrating pi, and demonstrated your quickness through the game known as 'Simon'. You showed strength and courage in defeating the battle contructs, and you showed wisdom as well as valor in realizing the difference between a battle lost and a battle you cannot win. You have proven yourselves worthy of your destinies, Avatars. So let me, Freyja, be the first to welcome you." She made a sweeping gesture with her arm, and the walls go transparent, revealing a vast network of machinery, portals, and stars. "This is Asgard, the hub of the Multiverse, and Base of the Roads."

"Wow." I said, gawking like a tourist.

"Wil." Aislin said, grabbing back my attention. "We're here for an evil overlord, remember? Accomplished sorcerer and scientist? Ring a bell?"

"I know of the one of whom you speak." Freyja mentioned. "He passed the tests by some manner of Magitech trickery, and managed to use our portals to send several of his battle constructs through to your world before we realized his true intentions. We imprisoned him in a force cage shortly afterwards."

"Well, he's why we're here." Aislin continued. "Could you send him back to our universe, preferably into a cell at the Key of Solomon Agency?"

"Consider it done." Freyja responded warmly. "His father will be pleased to have him back. And I do enjoy helping Merlin."

"His father?" I said, puzzled. "That makes no sense for a number of reasons..."

"Yes, young Mordred always has been a bit of a mystery. And always meddling where he shouldn't, too." said Freyja.

"Mordered. Why am I not surprised..." I said, finally deciding to ignore the absurdity of our situation.

"Could you send us home?" Aislin asked. "Wil can teleport, but not interdimensionally."

"Yet." I added, somewhat indignantly.

"Certainly. But I must insist that you wait until tomorrow." said Freyja. "Interdimensional travel puts stress on the human body if done too often in close temporal proximity. We have rooms that you can use, but first I'd imagine you have many questions."

"Thank you, Freyja." I said. "I suppose my first question would be 'just what is this place?'."

"This is Asgard." Freyja began. "It was built many eons ago by a powerful race, in order to monitor the many passages between universes, dimensions, and timelines, and to facilitate travel between them. They built in a high degree of automation, in order to avoid needing to have a permanent crew."

"Why would they do that?" asked Deirdre. "I mean, if I were to build a fancy Dimensional Monitoring Station, I'd want to keep an eye on it."

"Their race was possessed of an incurable wanderlust." Freyja explained. "To remain in any one place for a significant stretch of time was anathema to them."

"So who are you, then?" asked Aislin.

"I am an artificial intelligence programmed to watch over Asgard for all eternity, modeled in their image, but able to be content in one place."

"They must have looked human." I observed.

"They still do." Freyja clarified. "Or rather, humans look like them. They seeded many worlds in many universes with the beginnings of life. Some were meant to appear similar to themselves. Others were meant to look quite different. But all were meant to achieve sentience, and seek out their forebears."

"Then did they leave a forwarding address?" I asked drily.

"Of course." Freyja said. "How else would I inform them of a malfunction?"

"Then will you tell us?" I asked, more eager this time.

"Of course not. Each must find their own way."

"If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago." recited Aislin.

David, Deirdre, and Freyja give her a puzzled look, and I chuckle. She continued. "Never mind. One other question. Why did you have a DDR game with Wil's music collection?"

"Well, it'd hardly be fair to use Nimbula music, you don't have enough feet." Freyja explained. "And among you four, he had the largest collection of high-tempo, instrumental music."

Seeing my puzzled look, she said "You carry this collection with you. On a primitive data storage device in your left pocket. I scanned it when you arrived."

I checked my pocket, and pulled out my SD card, the one I use with my MP3 player. "Huh." I said. "Must have fallen out."

"But why a DDR tournament at all?" Aislin pressed. "The other tests proved 'courage' and 'wisdom' and stuff. What did the DDR test prove? Flexibility?"

Freyja smiled puckishly, and said "It proves just how boring it can be running a teleport hub solo, and how far one might go for amusement."

If looks could kill, Freyja would have been a sizzling heap of junk at that point. We decided to turn in, and Freyja directed us to a chamber with soft, metallic pillows and gemstone colored sheets.

"Ostentatious much?" David observed wryly.

"I like it." I said. "It's colorful."

We soon drifted off to sleep, but were awoken in only a few hour's time. We were not awoken by Freyja, however, but by flashing mauve lights and blaring klaxons. We hurried to the audience room where we had spoken to Freyja previously.

"Freyja!" I called out. "What's going on?"

"We're under attack!" her voice came over a P.A. system. "It's the Entropists!"

"The who?" I asked, but am staggered by a violent rocking of the station.

"Damn! Entropy charges!" said Freyja. "Listen carefully, we haven't much time. The Entropists are a fanatical cult determined to destroy the fabric of reality itself. You alone can stop them. You and the other Avatars. Go to the elevator, quickly! I'll explain on the way."

A door opens on the far side of the room, and we hurry in. Freyja's voice continues as we descend amid the shockwaves.

"There is a prophecy in the Akashic Records of a time when entropy will threaten all of existence. It's known as the Prophecy of the Eight, and goes on to say that only through the Avatars working as one could disater be averted. The combined powers of the Eight Elements are said to be able to prevent Ragnarok."

The elevator stops, and the doors open. There is a platform resembling a transporter pad from Star Trek, and a pedestal appears before it. On the pedestal, what looks like a watch shimmers into existence.

"This is a database of the Multiverse. Take it, it will guide you. Now, quickly! Onto the dimensional focus!"

We step onto the pad, and Freyja speaks some odd sounding calculations, and then continues in English.

"Now sending!" she said, almost shouting to be heard over the blasts. "For the sake of the Multiverse, you must not fail! Believe in yourselves! Trust each other! Help those in need! And remember, no one is beyond redemption! Calculations complete! Chronodimensional teleportation engage- AAHHHHH!"

Her pronouncement was cut off by an oddly human scream, one that conveyed more pain than I would have thought a scream could.

"Freyja!" David called, but by then the teleport was active, and I once again redefined my notions of 'pain'. There was a blinding flash of light, followed by the sweet darkness of unconsciousness.